(Started writing this early in the week, but because Covid is still a thing, I've been back in Louisiana with to see a sick, hospitalized family member. Things are looking good now, but it was dicey. Get vaccinated. Wear masks. Do the shit you need to do.)
In the wake of Republicans having their raging red wave erections slapped flaccid by the firm, stinging hand of reality in the 2022 midterm elections, blame for this epic cock block has seemed to come to rest on one major cause: Donald Trump, who really was once president of the United States (something that still boggles my mind every goddamn day) and is still, to some, the de facto leader of the Republican Party. "A red wave of criticism crashes into Donald Trump after midterm losses," says the Washington Post, quoting current Republicans about how Trump's endorsements and his general Donald Trumpishness didn't help. The Guardian goes with "Republicans have someone to blame for their disappointing result: Donald Trump." And Fox Business quotes former Trump adviser Mercedes Schlapp, which is the name of a real adult human and not an SNL character or terrible branding exercise, saying that Republicans were being too hasty to blame Trump.
The problem, of course, is that blaming Trump is some cheap-ass bullshit. Oh, sure, Donald Trump always has and always will suck the hair off donkey balls if he thinks it can get him some attention and devotion (and cash). His ego is a black hole of need, and those who venture to the event horizon are almost always remorselessly sucked in and sucked dry. But Trump didn't force any of the candidates to buff his dickhead to a bright orange sheen. They all had a chance to bail on him after the January 6 insurrection, but they didn't. They fucking went along with whatever lies he wanted to tell. They went along for the ride, like the ass remoras they are, nourishing their ambitions from his free-floating verbal detritus. Republicans are to blame for Republicans fucking up the midterms.
There are exceptions for the GOP, of course. Down in Florida, for instance, scaly sweat worm Marco Rubio easily defeated the genuinely noble Val Demings. And, yeah, completely shitty Gov. Ron DeSantis, who acts more or less like the abusive manager of a telemarketing scam company, trounced Democrat Charlie Crist, who should just stop. Some of the best advice I heard came from a pal at a Major Financial Institution who was told that it's time to give up on Florida, that people are moving there for low taxes and "freedom" to dick over others and they control the joint now. There were other GOP victories, like Sen. Ron Johnson not losing in Wisconsin when he fucking well should have. And the less said about how New York fucked up redistricting, the better.
But, holy shit, the tradeoff is that Michigan and Pennsylvania have come back from the dark side of the moon. Imagine how well John Fetterman would have done had he not had a stroke in May and been the subject of a pathetic, shameful attack on his health. And we Democrats will almost surely have won the Senate in the next couple of day when incumbent Catherine Cortez Mastro pulls ahead in Nevada, which I think will lead to an easy Warnock win in the runoff in Georgia's Senate race because why hate yourself so much that you vote for Hershel Walker if control of the Senate isn't in the balance? And, perhaps most importantly to the future of democracy in the country and, frankly, the outcome that has actually given me hope that we can pull back from the brink of fucked-beyond-fucked, all the nutzoid, election-denying, barking mad candidates up for Secretary of State in swing states, officials who could have shit on election results they didn't like, they fuckin' lost. It was like the United States said, almost as a whole, "Oh, fuck off. Donald Trump lost the 2020 election. Deal with it."
Sure, Republicans will almost surely end up with the House, but with a slim majority where the even semi-rational members understand that voters were saying, "Stop with your bullshit! We don't give a fuck about Hunter Biden! We support abortion rights!" Except there are the complete fucking loons who want to whole-hog impeach Joe Biden for unknown things, arrest Dr. Anthony Fauci for not being an antivaxxer, and have anal probe hearings on how the FBI has harassed poor, innocent Donald Trump. And those cockscabs will shut down the government to gut Social Security or end Obamacare or, as I've been saying, to stop any prosecution of Trump or January 6 traitors. They might even cause the collapse of the world economy if Democrats don't shitcan the debt ceiling in the lame duck session. So, truly, fuckery will likely occur. Or, perhaps, we're about to see "GOP in disarray" stories as poor bastard Kevin McCarthy tries to corral a bunch of feral, rabid weasels. Goddamn, it's gonna be fun to watch them bite his ass over and over. Gonna be even more fun when he realizes he needs to make deals with Democrats to get shit done.
There are many things you can say about the 2022 election. It didn't suck nearly as much as it could have, and there's still a chance for it not to suck much at all. Joe Biden wasn't a drag on the Democratic Party. The nation rejected crazy, but gerrymandering works wonders. Without it, Republicans wouldn't have a prayer at getting the House of Representatives. It's hilarious watching pollsters and pundits get their asses handed to them with results that defy almost all of their expectations. It's doubly hilarious to watch the tough GOP operatives and politicians scamper away from real confrontation over the election results, like the fucking cowards they always were. Mostly, though, it's like the American people just said, "Enough already," and, yeah, that did mean "Enough with Donald Trump" (although I'd caution that we thought that would happen after January 6 and it didn't), but it also meant "Enough with all of you monstrous assholes who don't give a shit about governing." As Death's double, Florida Sen. Rick Scott, said, Republicans simply didn't have any plans for anything other than owning the libs. You can't run on that. Or, really, you can run on that once, and that was 2016. After that, you gotta govern.
However, the real problem isn't that Republican politicians suck. No, the actual blame belongs with their voters, as it always has. You don't get off the hook because you supported absolute garbage candidates like Blake Masters or Lee Zeldin or Kari Lake or Dr. Oz, for fuck's sake. Fuck you for being so gullible, so simple, so hateful that you'd rather put Doug Mastriano in office than someone who actually gives a shit about your problems, like Josh Shapiro (unless your "problems" include critical race theory and drag queens, in which case, grow the fuck up, you idiot children). Fuck you for thinking that Fox "news" and other assholes tell you anything about what the world is like. Kids claiming they're cats and shitting in litter boxes? Goddamn, how do you look yourself in the mirror and not laugh at how dumb and debased you are for believing things like that. Join reality or go live on fucknut island somewhere, unvaxxed and uneducated.
Blame them all, Trump, Republicans, their media, their voters, because they form a clusterfuck of insanity and degradation, a heaving shitball heading towards a cliff. 2022 was us stepping out of the way before it dragged us with them. We're not out of danger yet, but, goddamn, it sure feels like we dodged a catastrophe.
