Of course, Republican Rep. Devin Nunes, the leading minority member of the House Intelligence Committee, was going to bring up the nude photo prank today, the first day of public impeachment hearings against President Donald Trump. Nunes brought it up at the start of the inquiry back in late September, so he's a little obsessed with this. The story is simple: In April 2017, a pair of Russian pranksters pretended to be Ukrainians, with one specifically saying he was the leader of the Rada, Ukraine's parliament, and they called and got through to Democratic Rep. Adam Schiff, currently chair of the House Intelligence Committee. They told Schiff that a female Russian TV star had had an affair with Trump and now possessed nude photos of him. They also had recordings, they claimed, of the woman and a journalist discussing this kompromat. Schiff was poker-voiced through the entire thing and ended it by saying he would refer it to the FBI. That's it. That's the whole episode. Schiff's spokesperson said later that Schiff suspected it was a prank.
For Nunes and others on the right, the fact that Schiff didn't yell, "Bullshit!" and cut off the call is prima facie evidence that Schiff cannot be trusted because he so badly wants to get Trump that he wanted naked pics, which, let's be honest, no one fucking wants ever, except possibly Devin Nunes. Nunes said in September, "Of course, Democrats on this very committee negotiated with people they thought were Ukrainians in order to obtain nude pictures of Trump."
And today, in his opening goddamn statement, Nunes brought it up again, saying that Democrats want Americans to "forget about them trying to obtain nude pictures of Trump from Russian pranksters who pretended to be Ukrainian officials." No one asked for Trump dick pics to be sent to them. It's simply not true. But it was par for the course for Nunes, who veered between total cock and skeevy weasel for his entire opening, and it set the tone for Republicans, who were all just the most awful assholes and twatmites for the whole goddamn day.
Nunes took the hearing room and the country on a tour through the fevered shit bog of Fox "news" and Twitter-twisted conspiracy theories, dropping items and names that meant just about nothing to rational humans. But they were signals to the drooling hordes of Trump voters that every lie that has been Hannitied into their tiny brains would be trotted out. "For years they accused the Trump campaign of colluding with Russia when they themselves were colluding with Russia by funding and spreading the Steele dossier, which relied on Russian sources," he said, which is like a parfait of lies layered with slander with bullshit sprinkles on top. I mean, fucking hell, Nunes even brought up Schiff mocking Trump's phone call with Zelensky, which is something Trump can't get over.
He dropped in Alexandra Chalupa (do yourself a favor and don't google her), he lied about the whistleblower and his lawyer, and he offered that witnesses were subject to "a closed-door audition process in a cult-like atmosphere in the basement of the Capitol, where the Democrats conducted secret depositions." Yeah, bitch, they were so secret that dozens of Republicans could attend and ask questions. And "cult-like" is rich coming from a side that is worshipping at the bone-spurred feet of its orange idol. Of course, they brought up Hunter Biden, and no one asked the GOP members, "Hey, motherfuckers, you ran the joint for two years. How come you didn't investigate him then?"
Seriously, if there is a God and lying matters to Him, then Nunes should have been squeezed by His holy fingers and popped like a filthy human pimple. The fact that that didn't happen is absolute proof to me that either there is no God or he just fucked off out of here a long time ago.
The right-wing nutzoid part of Onlineville fucking lapped it up like Jesus's jizz. Jim Hoft over at Gateway Pundit declared that Nunes just "destroyed Democrats." The Blaze said Nunes "shredded" them. Katie Pavlich at the conservative shitpot Townhall squeed that Nunes "did not hold anything back and slammed Democrats for damaging the country." No, I'm not linking to any of them because fuck them all. Fuck. Them. All. Individually and as a group. Fuck 'em.
There are competing narratives going on here: one based on facts and law and observable reality, and another based on whatever batshit thing they can get away with saying. And it's going to infect this process until there is something so shocking and compelling that it breaks through to the 35-40% or so of Americans who get their news from fucking liars.
What's going on now is that Republicans are throwing up a screen of shit, just shooting shit out of their mouths and through their social media and their websites, hoping they can create an opaque curtain of shit that they can hide behind until this all passes. It's disgusting and harmful, but they're Republicans. "Disgusting and harmful" is pretty much their motto now.
