I've said it before and I'll say it again: When Nancy Pelosi belts up the strap-on, it's just a matter of time before someone's screaming. She rode serial molester Dennis Hastert like a monkey on an elephant. She made George W. Bush beg for more ass reaming. And now she's locked and loaded the extra-large dildo, the one shaped like a tentacle, and she's skullfucking Donald J. Trump. She's thrusting that footlong right into his eyehole, tickling his brain, and driving him completely mad. He is pretty much shouting at her to stop, but she won't. She'll just keep skullfucking until he begs her to stop or she goes right through the back of his pumpkin head.
You can watch it happen in real time on video of an event yesterday where Trump was supposed to be announcing more socialism for farmers, $16 billion to farms affected by his idiotic trade war with China. Where's that money coming from? "This support for farmers will be paid for by the billions of dollars our Treasury takes in," he reassured. No shit, motherfucker. So does everything we spend money on. But in that precious way of stating the obvious, Trump continued, "We’ll be taking in — depending on what period of time we’re talking — many billions of dollars. Far more than the $16 billion that we’re talking about." So it's good to know that we happen to have $16 billion just sitting around in a slush fund or something and don't need, say, Congress to approve it.
Then you can see when Pelosi commenced the skullfucking. Asked about Pelosi's comment that he needs an intervention, Trump went off the rails, if his train was ever on them in the first place. He went around the room, demanding that staff and advisers who were at the meeting tell the cameras that he was perfectly calm when he told Pelosi and Chuck Schumer he wouldn't work on an infrastructure bill (or anything) while Democrats investigated him.
He asked Kellyanne Conway, Mercedes Schlapp, Larry Kudlow, Sarah Sanders, and Deputy Press Secretary Hogan Gidley to testify that he was calm. Here's how Trump put it to Sanders: "The narrative was I was screaming and ranting and raving, and it was terrible. And I watched Nancy and she was all crazy yesterday...Just out curiosity — you were there — what was my tone yesterday at the meeting?" Sanders attested to this frantic fuck's calm demeanor.
Here's the thing, though. I think it was absolutely planned. I think Trump told everyone he was going to ask them if he was totally chill at the canceled infrastructure meeting. All the answers he got seemed absolutely practiced. So Pelosi's thrusting so far into his dullard's brain pan that he can't get her out of there.
Throughout this whole frankly fucking odd display, Trump kept making all kinds of asides, like to Kudlow, "Larry has done more live television. Maybe Regis has you by a little bit, right? Not by much." Yeah, that's a Regis Philbin reference. And this: "I don’t want to say 'Crazy Nancy,' because if I say that, you’re going to say it’s a copy of 'Crazy Bernie,' and that’s no good, because he — Bernie is definitely crazy." But he couldn't help but attack Pelosi more because, you know, chicks, man: "It was sad when I watched Nancy, all moving — the movement and the hands and the craziness — and I watched — that’s, by the way, a person that’s got some problems." He's gonna be mocking her movements soon because that's what this lump of shit thinks is funny.
The rest of the appearance, which, to remind you, was about giving money to farmers who he himself has harmed financially, was just as alarming. Trump criticized Rep. Jerrold Nadler by saying, "Jerry Nadler. I know him well. I’ve had great success against Jerry and I will again." That's an allusion to a 1980s zoning battle. Seriously, Trump's fucking brain stopped functioning around 1990.
"I'm a very capable person," Trump said at one point and wasn't joking. (He was joking when he called himself "an extremely stable genius," so let's let that on go.) He insisted repeatedly that he knew things, understood things, was well-versed in a subject. I teach students who lie to me all the time about studying something or reading something. I know that Trump was fuckin' lying when he said of the release of John Walker Lindh, "Believe it or not, about two weeks ago, I went to the best lawyers in our country that work for government. I said, 'What could we do about this?'" Bullshit. He probably saw Tucker Carlson jacking off about Lindh and wondered why they weren't talking about him for five minutes.
And asked about who he was accusing of treason, after being reminded that one can be sentenced to death for that, Trump responded, "If you look at Comey; if you look at McCabe; if you look at probably people — people higher than that; if you look at Strzok; if you look at his lover, Lisa Page, his wonderful lover — the two lovers, they talked openly." Trump's weird fascination with the Strzok/Page affair is just pure dickishness, his default posture. But, yeah, sure, let's just move on from him implying that leaders of the FBI deserved to be executed.
By the way, several farmers and Farm Bureau officials were forced to stand there the entire time and had to be wondering what the fuck they had gotten themselves into. And Trump proclaimed once again that everything is really about him and him alone. Talking about farm states, he said, "China has openly stated they’re going to use the farmer. The reason is because I got the farmer’s votes. You look at a map; it’s all red, meaning Republican, meaning Trump. It’s all red in the middle states, as you know. It’s got a little blue here and a little blue there." I guess it's useless at this point to try to say that California is the largest farm economy in the nation and is being hurt badly by this trade war.
Look, I've got a problem with how Pelosi is handling the lugubriously slow walk towards impeachment. But I'm all in on her penetrating Trump's tiny mind and buying a condo there. One thing he hates more than anything is being bested by a woman, and right now, he's frantically trying to figure out how to degrade her and get her out of there. No, it's not impeachment. It is, though, making Trump look weaker and weaker and more easily defeated. It's not a great plan, but it's sure as shit an entertaining one.
Side note: Here's an exchange that didn't get much notice between Trump and Conway.
MS. CONWAY: Very calm. No temper tantrum...I’m sure somebody has it on tape too. But you were very calm. Stood at the edge of the Cabinet table.
THE PRESIDENT: They have it on tape someplace?
MS. CONWAY: Sure.
THE PRESIDENT: Good. That’d be good.
Um, are they taping the Cabinet Room?
(Correction: I originally said the meeting took place in the Oval Office. That was wrong.)
