1. Fuck the spin. We know nothing about Special Counsel Robert Mueller's Report on the Investigation into Russian Interference in the 2016 Presidential Election. What we know is how Attorney General William Barr characterized the report and its findings. Barr is a Republican sin eater, engorging himself on a banquet of crimes and betrayals going back decades. He has no moral or ethical standing here, and his legal standing is based on how he was going to wolf down the slop trough of sins of the Trump administration. Unless and until we see the actual report, the actual evidence, the actual two goddamn years of work that was done and that, apparently, Barr only needed less than two days digest and shit out a summary letter, we know nothing.
2. But, hey, for shits and giggles, let's say take the cackling Russia naysayers' perspective and treat Barr's letter like it's totally legit. Well, look at the second page, where Barr says explicitly that Mueller showed that Russia tried to interfere in the 2016 election. I mean, call me a crazy conspiracy theorist, but when I read, "The Special Counsel found that Russian government actors successfully hacked into computers and obtained emails from persons affiliated with the Clinton campaign and Democratic Party organizations, and publicly disseminated those materials through various intermediaries, including WikiLeaks," I think that's pretty fucking serious and damning and deserves action from, oh, hell, let's say the White House.
2a. Barr writes that "the Special Counsel did not find that any U.S. person or Trump campaign official or associate" conspired with Russians to spread disinformation through social media. But when it comes to the DNC hacks, he writes, " the Special Counsel did not find that the Trump campaign, or anyone associated with it" conspired on them, leaving out the more all-encompassing "any U.S. person." Which says to me that someone in the U.S. sure as shit conspired.
2b. This part is entirely fucked up: apparently, there were "multiple offers from Russian-affiliated individuals to assist the Trump campaign." So, just to get this right, Russian operatives told the Trump campaign, presumably Jared, Junior, and Manafort, "Hey, we're dicking around on social media and, by the way, we've hacked the shit out of Hillary's email. Wanna fuck?" And we know that Jared and/or Junior winked about lifting sanctions while saying out loud, "Oh, no, we'd never want that." And then they didn't go directly to the FBI and turn everyone in who contacted them. That inaction gave tacit approval. Put it this way: If President Hillary Clinton's campaign hadn't turned over Russian offers of hacked Trump emails to the FBI, DC would be on fire tonight as enraged Republicans demanded Pennsylvania Avenue run red with the blood of her administration.
2c. And if this had been written about President Hillary Clinton: "while this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate [her]," the only thing we'd be talking about is how she wasn't exonerated. The GOP and the media wouldn't let her say that she was exonerated. They wouldn't allow such an obvious, demonstrable lie. But with Trump, well, fuck us all, it never matters that he lies like the rest of us breathe.
2d. Frankly, Mueller's report could exonerate Trump on everything. It could be everything that Republicans are spinning it to be. But I'm not gonna buy anything one way or the other until we get to see the thing. I'd be a credulous idiot to think any other way. Right now, without the report, this is a cover-up. Of obstruction. Of the extent that our electoral system is at risk. Of what Trump's relationship with Russia actually is.
3. While Trump and his party of religious zealots, miserable racists, child molester enablers, and generally shitty humans are attacking Democrats savagely, let's not leave out the role Trump played in making the investigation into Russian meddling in the election all about him. He saw it as tainting his "Greatest Victory in the History of Everything Yeah You Heard Me Fuck You," so he sought to discredit the investigation and the people doing it.
But here's the trouble I have. If you believe the Barr letter, you have to believe that Russia did meddle in the election. It's right there. It says so. Yet every time Trump has been given the opportunity to agree with fucking everyone that such interference occurred, he has dismissed, demurred, or denied it. He has suggested multiple times that it could be the Chinese or the mythical 400-lb hacker. And his administration is doing precious little to prevent that interference again. This is like the climate change of espionage here: it happened. It's happening. Everyone knows it's happening. But because a tiny group of tiny dicks refuse to act, nothing will be done. And it'll just get worse while the tiny dicks get jacked off on all of us.
So, at best, Trump has such a fragile ego that he fears anyone questioning his election. Or he wants Russia to interfere. Or he's utterly compromised. In other words, he sure as shit acts like he's guilty and we're fucked either way.
4. Democrats did put too many eggs in Mueller's basket. And now they should kick the investigations into high gear. Get some fuckin' subpoenas going. Drag some motherfuckers before committees and put 'em under oath. Get Trump's goddamn tax returns. Some emoluments clause, motherfuckers. Some bribery.
Look, Trump is buried up to his neck in shit. Sure, it would be nice to have backed up dump truck of manure and covered his orange deflated yoga ball of a head. But we can also get our shovels and finish the job with the shit that's already there.
5. Let's fuck shit up in 2020. I don't buy that concentration on Russia has hurt Democrats. If anything, it has unified us and pissed us off. Feel that rage. Embrace it. Use it to fuel you through November 2020 because, without some miracle or dark magic, we're not getting out of the rest of this Trump term. Gird yer loins, motherfuckers. Gird 'em for the long fight.
