Yesterday, fresh, new GOP savior, this year's Marco Rubio, Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas, he of the authorship of the Republican Senators' "Dear Mullahs" letter, appeared on CBS's Face the Nation with Bob "Sick of All Your Shit" Schieffer. As you might expect, Cotton was an annoying fucker for reasons big and small, and it's got little to do with his saying that Iran controls Tehran (which was a minor slip-up and, really, ain't that big a deal).
1. He kept putting himself before anyone else in how he spoke. Multiple times, he explained things with "I and..." For instance, "I and 46 other senators are focused on stopping Iran from getting a nuclear weapon." Not the significantly less awkward "46 other senators and I," oh, no, not for this Ivy League puke. He comes first, bitches.
2. He's a smug little fuck because he tried to pretend that the pissy 47 were actually teaching Iran's leaders some kind of great and grand lesson in constitutional democracy. Everything wrong with the letter on that level was revealed when Cotton said, "[W]hat we did was to send a clear message to a dictatorial regime." Motherfucker, what part of "dictatorial" don't you understand? 'Cause, see, one of the things about dictators is they don't give a shit about how great your form of government is. If they did, well, hell, they're dictators. They could just proclaim that's the new way shit will be done in the country.
3. He has no answer other than obstruction. When Schieffer asked a perfectly logical, oughta-be-easy question, about what his big plans are if no deal is made with Iran, Cotton didn't even try to address it. "Well, as Prime Minister Netanyahu said, the alternative to a bad deal is a better deal," he said. What is that "better deal"? Fuck you. That's the better deal. And we should listen to Israel's leader instead of ours? Okay, man, but you better shut your Ozark meth whore mouth if a Democrat ever says, "Well, as Sweden's Prime Minister said" when a Republican is president.
4. "The Islamic Revolution of Iran has been killing Americans, hundreds of
Americans, for 35 years in Iraq and Lebanon and Saudi Arabia," Cotton explained. First of all, who the fuck is "the Islamic Revolution"? Is he talking about what happened in 1979? But that was over and done. It'd be like saying that the American Revolution is responsible for the Vietnam War.
5. Speaking of Israel, he's really, really concerned about the Jews. Even worse than killing Americans, "They
also -- they killed Jews around the world from Israel, to. . . Argentina," Cotton informed us. You know who Iran has killed more of than Americans or (presumably non-American) Jews? Muslims. You know who killed a lot of Iranians? Iraq, with arms that we provided it. Mistrust all around, man, but that's complexity and not what Bibi told you to say when it was your turn to suck him off.
This is the new demi-god of the GOP? Damn, the bar is so low at this point that any rat can crawl over it.
