In Brief: Dick Cheney Hates You:
When Politico's Mike Allen and Jim Vandehei made the trip to Cheney Manor for a completely unnecessary interview, they went there with the knowledge that the former Vice-President would use his scabby, cock-headed tentacles to fuck everyone of their orifices at once. Indeed, Allen had been holding jawbreakers in his mouth for the past week to stretch out his muscles, and Vandehei had been shoving increasingly larger vegetables into his asshole in order to get his sphincter prepared. He was up to eggplants. When you are a slithering, maggot-spewing, Hades-spawned dungbeast like Cheney, you have only a couple of choices when you are visited by humans: ingest them into your viscous maw or ream them completely. Since Allen and Vandehei brought Dick Cheney a freshly-killed Iranian child as an offering and promised him no tough questions, they knew they'd survive the experience.

But Cheney was in rare form, more or less declaring that the Obama administration was trying to destroy the nation. Cheney slurped out that Obama "doesn’t believe in American exceptionalism — the idea that the United States is a special nation, that we are the greatest, freest nation mankind has ever known." Yeah, Cheney went full teabag, adding, "When I see the way he operates, I am increasingly convinced that he’s not as committed to or as wedded to that concept as most of the presidents I’ve known, Republican or Democrat." You got that? Dick Cheney, one of the most vile people ever to be allowed to walk into the White House, the man whose mere presence in this world led to the creation of the abyss we're trying to avoid finally plunging into, the motherfucker who advocated policies that actually and really reversed the course of this nation's progress in order to demonstrably profit a very few people, a deranged sadist whose death would instantly lead to more light on the earth, says that Barack Obama is against America and is tearing it down, although he never actually explains why. Maybe that's just what presumptive liberals do. More likely, Dick Cheney just hates you, all of you, all of us, for daring to think you could fuck up everything that he had put in place.

And it's not like Allen and Vandehei pressed Cheney on what Obama's goal is in enslaving the citizenry to awful things like health care and environmental rescue. But they were probably too busy getting penetrated by Cheney's plunging tentacles. When they were seen later, the two Politico-ers were said to be covered in blood, black shit, and green semen, but smiling, as if they had proudly done their jobs so very well.

(For a genuine chill, listen to Cheney's digitally-recorded voice. The robotic distortion makes it seem like he can't keep the human sound steady as he speaks.)