Poor Joe the Plumber Is Too Dumb to Just Shut the Fuck Up:
Watching Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, the man known to all by his nom de McCain, "Joe the Plumber," negotiate the media is not unlike watching feeding time at a particularly savage zoo, the kind that doesn't hide the way animals actually behave. Maybe it's the moment that a big, juicy, live rat is put in a tank with a boa constrictor that's not immediately hungry. That cute, white, furry bastard might think it's gonna be able to survive this, but, sure as hell, once that snake gets an appetite, it's down the gullet for Ratso due to no other reason than that's the way it's gotta be.

To complete this analogy, Wurzelbacher appeared on that Fox "news" model of journalistic ethics, Hannity and (to a lesser extent) Colmes. In two lines early in the interview, Wurzelbacher pretty much destroyed whatever sad little argument he might have had about why the rich shouldn't pay more taxes. Sean Hannity, who was practically humping the desk at the thought, asked Wurzelbacher of Barack Obama's tax plan, "Why do you view this as 'socialism,' because that's the word you used?"

Wurzelbacher never even realized the brutal irony and self-contradiction of his answer: "I grew up poor. You know I actually have been on welfare, you know, my parents, you know, a couple different times, and we'd, you know, worked harder and got off of it and then, you know, actually did fairly well."

A moment later, Alan Colmes, who always looks like speaking causes him endless pain, pointed out that Wurzelbacher would actually get a tax cut with Obama's plan. And then, in a line so pathetically filled with denial of who he was and where he came from, Wurzelbacher answered, "To be honest with you. You know I don't think it's right to -- you know, you know, there's principles involved. I don't want to make or have my taxes cut if it means somebody who worked hard or had a better break than I did, and take his money. I don't want his money...I don't want someone else's money who worked hard for it. No."

Did you get that? Joe the Plumber and his parents were on welfare during hard times. But he doesn't want someone else's money and doesn't think it's fair to take money from one person to give it to another person. Can you wrap your mind around that without blowing two or three gaskets?

And there, in a nugget of anti-wisdom, is all the delusional glory of white working class people who support Republicans. Apparently, for them, money for things like welfare or food stamps or whatever, which is fine when they need it, but is socialism when others do, is just pinched out by a money-shitting, giant bald eagle or something. Maybe Jesus jacks off, and where his seed falls, trees with golden apples grow. Maybe Uncle Sam just pukes greenbacks.

It also means, for anyone paying attention, who gives a shit what Wurzelbacher thinks? He's an obvious idiot, not, as Hannity said, offering a manly hand job, "You're the heart and soul swinging that wrench, you're the heart and soul of what makes this country great." No, actually Wurzelbacher is what makes this country a fucking laughingstock and a pathetic inbred cousin of what it could be. There's plenty of working class people who actually do understand how taxation and social safety nets work. They also know that "spreading the wealth," unlike what John McCain says, is what once made America great.

The Rude Pundit thought the initial media frenzy over Wurzelbacher was just another worthless distraction, although, frankly, it's fuckin' John McCain's fault that it happened. But once Wurzelbacher started granting interviews and started appearing on Fox "news" to install his faucets of wisdom, well, then it's welcome to the party, motherfucker, and all bets are off.