A Conversation That Bodes Ill For the Coming Contest: A Play:
Characters:
The Rude Pundit - a wanton blogger
The Rude Mom - an AARP member who previously voted for Clinton, Gore, and Kerry. And, once upon a time, JFK

Setting: The Rude Pundit is home at Casa de Rude, in the midst of a phone call with the Rude Mom.

Time: Last night, prior to an evening of vodka and Ukrainian karaoke that would make the Rude Pundit wake up late, thus delaying his bloggery for the day.

Rude Pundit: So you're voting in the primary.

Rude Mom: I think we'll be out of town.

RP: You know your primary actually matters this year.

RM: Oh, no, it doesn't.

RP: (After a moment of incoherent sputtering) Are you voting for Obama or Clinton?

RM: I really like John McCain.

RP: (After comically loud sputtering) Wait, McCain? Why the fuck would you vote for McCain?

RM: (Who has learned to ignore RP's little Tourette's-like outbursts) I like him. He's always seemed like a fair man. He's a moderate Republican, not like the others.

RP: (Secretly knowing the answer is "Lieberman") But why do you support him?

RM: I just said. He's very fair.

RP: So you want the war to continue.

RM: No, of course not.

RP: If you vote for McCain, that's what you're voting for. You're saying you want the war to keep going as it is.

RM: The war is not the only issue.

RP: Um, if you want to get anything else done in this country, ya gotta stop the war. The war is the only issue.

RM: No, it isn't.

RP: So you're pro-life.

RM: Of course not. Don't be silly.

RP: So that means you're pro-choice.

RM: (Realizing that, if they were in the same room, she would be slapping the shit out of RP) Yes.

RP: You know McCain wants to put judges on the Supreme Court that'll overturn Roe v. Wade. Motherfucker's pro-life.

RM: Oh, he's not really. He's just been saying that since 2000 to try to get the conservatives to vote for him.

RP: No, he's pro-life.

RM: But he supports stem cell research.

RP: Yeah, but he's pro-life.

RM: Look, I don't know right now. I just like him. I admire him.

RP: What about Obama?

RM: I don't like him. I don't like some of the things he said at the debates.

RP: What do you mean?

RM: He was just arrogant. I didn't like him.

RP: You mean he was an uppity nigger?

RM: (Almost audibly rolling her eyes) Stop it.

RP: No, I mean, what didn't you like?

RM: Didn't he get his home half price from someone in the mafia?

RP: I don't think that's the story.

RM: That's what they said at one of the debates.

RP: Have you heard him give a speech?

RM: He's wonderful. Very inspiring.

RP: What about Clinton?

RM: Oh, no, I don't like her. I could never vote for her.

RP: I can't believe you're seriously thinking about McCain.

RM: I don't know yet. What difference does it make?