11/10/2005

A Warning To Democrats: Beware of Large, Cornered Weasels:
The wolverine is the largest land-dwelling member of the weasel family. It's a crazed, vicious little fucker that can carry a carcass three times its size. Shit, it can bring down a caribou or a small bear, if it wants to. And its jaws can crush bones. Typically, all a wolverine has to do to drive away other predatory animals is growl, raise the hair on its back, and bare its teeth; that'll scare cougars and wolves shitless. And if you corner it, you better watch out: those bastards'll fight until they tear their way through your body, leaving you stunned and staring at your own viscera steaming on the snow below you. It's better to kill it than try to fight it. Or, if you're all scientific or protective of endangered species, put it into a deep sleep and cage the sharp-toothed weasel.

It is advice best heeded by Democrats in the coming months. For right now, the Republicans are wounded, corner wolverines, and Karl Rove has months of suppressed destructive urges to unleash on the Democrats for the 2006 elections. It's probably not gonna start in earnest until after the holidays, but wolverines do not hibernate. They troll the snowy countryside for deer and rabbits so they can sink their teeth in and taste that warm, comforting blood and soft, rubbery meat.

We do know that the White House is about to launch an offensive against Democrats on big issues like misuse of WMD intelligence. But that's just the start. 2006 is gonna be savage and bloody in ways that'll make 2002 and 2004 seem like prances through perfumed daisy patches. Remember: when the Republicans went after the blown-up limbs of Max Cleland and the corpse of Paul Wellstone, they were ridin' high poll numbers and majorities in Congress. Now, they know they're clinging on by their fingernails and there's only a couple of strategies available: bail on Bush or fight like large weasels.

And with Karl Rove treating their political careers like Saddam Hussein treated the families of any straying Republican Guard members, you can bet the claws are being sharpened by GOP loyalists to stay the path of destruction.

So Democrats have to take a page from Rove and Bush and engage in pre-emptive strikes. It's not time to walk to a neutral corner and let the Republicans get a standing eight count. No, it's time to not only take off the gloves, but to throw those useless fuckers in the garbage and bare-knuckle the bruised faces and broken ribs of the GOP. Because if you let a wolverine get the first blow, as sure as you're reading this, you'll be staring at your saggin' intestines. No, no, it is time to step on those grasping fingernails so that these Republican fuckers fall off the ledge.

How to do that? Ahh, that's advice. And that's for tomorrow.