John Roberts, the Stealth Motherfucker:
The Rude Pundit predicted it - he knew that President Bush would nominate a motherfucker for the Supreme Court, but that was easy because, well, Bush always picks motherfuckers. The kinda discomfiting thing about John G. Roberts, formerly know as Ken Starr's ball washer and poor fuckin' schmo who couldn't get comfirmed for a circuit court at the end of Bush I's term, is how quietly creepy a motherfucker Roberts is. Like Jeffrey Dahmer before him, Roberts looks like a normal, if a bit out there, guy. But, oh, once you open the refrigerator, who knows what horrors will be found.
You can look around and find all the shit about Roberts' opinions and decisions, including his briefs and arguments on abortion, the environments, and civil rights. For surely, siding with Operation Rescue alone qualifies Roberts as a motherfucker, arguing to the Supreme Court that those who block family planning clinics are asserting First Amendment rights and "are perfectly non-discriminatory in their opposition to abortion. They are opposed to abortion, not women." Which, if you follow the logic, could allow you to block access to anal itch cream and say that you're not opposed to entire buttocks, just assholes.
And, as Slate points out, Roberts is ready to allow the Bush administration to lock you up, throw away the key, and fuck your mother if it wants to under the blanket powers of the almighty President granted to him during wartime. Hail the fuckin' king, man.
But somethin's up with this motherfucker, John Roberts. Somethin' don't smell right. Fucker's been befouling the waters for years, under Reagan, Daddy Bush, on the Circuit Court, as a corporate lawyer. Somethin' stinks.
First, there's the problem with secrecy and granting of presidential power. There's the decision discussed above in Hamdan v. Rumsfeld. And somewhere out there is a memo that Roberts wrote, mentioned in a June 5, 1986 Washington Post article, supporting Nixon's claim of executive privilege over his presidential papers, a claim supported by the Reagan Justice Department with an eye to keeping the Gipper's papers secret.
Which begs the question of Roberts' involvement in Iran-Contra and other Reagan era scandals. Between a mention in Lawrence Walsh's report and notes related to Roberts and the investigation into influence peddler Michael Deaver in the Reagan archive at the University of Texas, there's somethin' queer here. It all could be just tiny bits and pieces, detritus of a dead era. But, hey, anything to slow down the Roberts love fest.
When Bush said he was going to announce his nominee in prime time on TV so that today's news cycle might shift away from Karl Rove, what wonders should we have expected? That he'd nominate a half-Mexican, half-Asian one-legged blind female midget who farts Bach perfectly? Instead, glory be, he presented America with another Harvard-educated white guy, one more privileged D.C. lawyer who was Daddy's boy once, and a motherfucker. Someone who you can bet was given a list of issues by Rove and asked point blank how he'd rule. Did we really expect anything more?
