The Five Stages of Grieving For George Bush's Re-Election (3 and 4): Today we work our way through the morass of emotion. We blame, we wallow in self-pity - it's all necessary before we move on. Stage 3 - Bargaining: Kerry lost this election because he fought the campaign on their terms, not his. He didn't listen to the Rude Pundit, the one true adviser, who said in February it was going to be the election of rape rooms and gay marriage. When Bush and his squad of zombie warriors called Kerry "liberal," he responded by trying not to be liberal. He had to kill things to demonstrate his anti-liberal tendencies. Had he called Bush or Cheney or Rumsfeld a "liar," the discussion would have been on his terms - they would have had to prove they did not lie. And Kerry made a huge strategic error in not using his time in the Senate to show how fucking strong he really is. Two lost presidential campaigns in, and it's time to put concrete slippers on adviser Bob Shrum and drop him in the Potomac. Then again . . . Kerry lost this election because the American media decided to try to appear "balanced." Unlike in 2000, when they eviscerated Al Gore for every minor transgression (and a bunch of made up ones) without ever attacking Bush for big, gaping holes in his life, this time the media, following Fox's lead, attempted to look "fair" by pointing out the great and giant fuck-ups that Bush had made and morally equating them with minor quotes from Kerry. Hence Bush could have lied about WMDs and other things, but Kerry was a flip-flopper because of his voted-for-then-against-the-$87-billion quote. It's like saying Bush ripped the intestines out of an old woman, but, see, Kerry tripped a dog. The Dan Rather-memo controversy was manna from heaven, because it pushed the media away from questioning anymore. Only in the last days, when the full horror of the Bush fuck up of Iraq became clear with the missing explosives, did some in the media attempt to call a crime a crime. Then again . . . Ultimately the fault lies with the American people and how much they want blood and how much they hate fags. Which leads to . . . Stage 4 - Depression: Goddamn, how the Rude Pundit wishes he hated fags just for being fags. He wishes he got physically ill when he thought about gays marrying and raising children. He wishes he vomited whenever he thought about a cock in the mouth or ass of a man or a clit tickled by the tongue of a woman. He wished he hated them for their faggy movements and product-filled hair, those fuckin' cocksuckers, or their dykey ways, all butch and tryin' to be like guys, those fuckin' lesbos. Christ, how the Rude Pundit wishes he worshipped Jesus. Jesus heals, motherfuckers, all you gotta do is pledge eternal faith, and Jesus will heal us of our doubt and sin and offer us nothing but love. But if we turn our backs on Jesus, oh, how Jesus will use his earthly minions to fuck our shit up. Jesus may have love in his heart, but he carries a mighty fuckin' sword and he's shovin' that sword right up the asshole of the "elite" and the non-believers. Or is that too faggy? Goddamn, it's a vicious circle. Back in Nazi Germany, some Jews would disavow their faith and people in order to pass as Nazis and live in something that approximated peace. In 19th and 20th century America, light-skinned blacks would pass as white, trying to avoid the degradation of having no opportunity, forced into the worst areas of town, you know the routine. God, how they loathed themselves, these passers, how they felt what they were doing was best for self-preservation against intolerance and violence. Maybe we're getting to that point here, where we'll have to claim to be saved by the Lord when, in our hearts, we know that to truly be Christ-like, one must help the weak against the will of the powerful. Maybe we need to pass, cheer on the war, make moral judgements about our enemies. God, the Rude Pundit wishes he could do this. He wishes he believed in the lies. It's so much easier. Being a liberal is so fucking hard because to be a Christ-lovin' fundamentalist drone means you never have to take blame for anything you do. You get to see the world in the comforting contrast of black and white. God, what an easy thing that would be. The Rude Pundit wishes he knew what "traditional values" are. The Rude Pundit wishes he could be like these moral, good people. But he can't, he can't, he can't. He cheers on the unity of cock and ass, of clit and tongue. He thinks crazed Jesus lovers are just pathetic, broken people who need to have the world ordered for them. He can only look in the spinning, deluded eyes of Bush voters and think, "You broke it, you bought it" and wait for the Balkanization of this country. Tomorrow: No more wallowing. It's time for the path to acceptance, the path to the future(and maybe a glimmer or two of anger).