God Hates Bush:
Maybe the crisis in the Sudan was the final straw for God.

God, as we know, works in mysterious ways. He gives us opportunities, tests, if you will, to see what kind of people we are. And George Bush's failure to offer the Sudanese anything more than lip service support for a U.N. that he had significantly weakened was it. The end. God no longer trusts George Bush to be His servant on Earth. How does the Rude Pundit know this? Ahh, it is obvious, for who else but God would arrange for events so huge and cataclysmic as to render instantly irrelevant to the news cycle Bush's acceptance "speech" on Thursday at the Republican convention.

If God believed anything Bush said was relevant to the lives of Americans or, indeed, the world, He could have used His Mighty Super God Breath to blow Hurricane Frances north and out to sea. But God did not. He merely allowed Frances to creep further and further towards Florida, forcing the evacuation of millions of voters in a swing state before they could listen to Bush speak. (Allowing Frances to move along on its straight path is also God's smack at Jeb Bush, who said of Hurricane Charley, "God doesn't follow the linear projections of computer models . . . This is God's way of telling us that he's almighty and we're mortal." Yeah, God wants to show just how motherfuckin' almighty he can be.)

If God had wanted the morning news programs to open this morning with coverage of Bush's speech, He could have sent an army of angels to Russia in order to whisper to the children not to run from their captors and thus precipitate a storming of the school in which they were held. And thus cause "Breaking News" to be the top of the morning broadcasts, not the President's speech. God is powerful. God is great. God could have held off the raid until the middle of the news cycle. But God did not. Because God realized that the words of George Bush are meaningless, empty utterances, the bleatings of so many sacrifical lambs.

God is not like we mere mortals here in America. God offered Bush one of those mythic opportunities on September 11, 2001, a chance to stop the violence being taken in His name. But Bush cloaked himself in God's word and defied God's will, and God does not take kindly when someone completely fucks up the test. And God doesn't like it when you can't be trusted.

God knows, God knows that Bush's words were utterly without validity. Bush has promised so, so much, he has exploited so, so many, and he has delivered on so, so little. So when Bush says, "Tonight we set a new goal: 7 million more affordable homes in the next 10 years" or when he says, "We must, and we will, confront threats to America before it is too late," God says we should not pay any attention at all to the fallen man in the center of the Garden. Why, says the Lord, should anyone listen to a single word he has to say about the future when he has fucked the present up so badly. Instead, God reminds us, through His great and horrible works, that there are things that dwarf this small man, this Bush, that make his speech look like the stilted, stumbling reading of a particularly inattentive schoolchild. God says, "There are storms and shootings. This man does not matter."

If God had wanted us to care, if He had wanted us to focus, He would have cleared the skies, He would have softened Chechen hearts, He would have halted the violence in Iraq. He would have given us larger jobs numbers. Back on August 3-4, 2000, God made sure no news was big enough to push Bush out of the spotlight. What? A large fire in Idaho? The fight between the RIAA and Napster? These are piddling events.

No, God may have wanted us to pay attention in 2000, but the Lord's clarion call is clear: ignore George Bush. God hates George W. Bush. There can be no plainer truth than that. He, too, shall pass.

P.S. Thanks to Pissed Off Patricia at BlondeSense for the heads up on the Jeb Bush quote.