Fucking Oneself:
Here's the scene: Dick Cheney slithers into the Senate chamber for the yearly class photo, and he gets into a slap fight with Patrick Leahy because Leahy, like other Democrats and rational citizens, believes that Halliburton is a slimy, scum-fucking war profiteering company who would melt old people into a viscous goo in a giant pot if they believed it would make oil. Cheney, his pacemaker turned on high so that he would get color in his face, confronts Leahy, and Leahy remarks that Republicans "had accused Democrats of being anti-Catholic because they are opposed to some of President Bush’s anti-abortion judges." To which Cheney, the picture of decorum, responds, with all the power of the second highest office in the land, "Go fuck yourself."

Oh, sweet freedom, Leahy might have thought at that moment, finally given permission to fuck himself. He could beat a hasty retreat from the Senate floor and head up to his office. "Hold my calls," he might shout as he disappeared into his office. There, he could take out his custom made leather nutsack cozy and tie it tightly around his scrotum as he propped his favorite eight inch anal vibrator, the one he calls "Mount Olympia" after his lust object, the Maine Republican Senator Olympia Snowe . Oh, won't you come over to the light side, you Republican wench, Leahy might have cried as he slowly, deliciously backed himself into the inviting quiver of the vibrator.

Of course, there's also reports that Cheney said, "Fuck you" or "Fuck off." Do you think Leahy was tempted to grab Cheney by his tie and say, "No, fuck you, you sick, twisted shell of a human being; fuck you, you demi-man, you cunt, you little pussy, sitting in your basement and jacking off to war plans about which you know jackshit, Mister 'I got every deferrment short of chopping my own leg off' Vice President. No, really, fuck you, you lying sack of shit, contorted like a circus dwarf by the weight of your evil, by the horror that this administration is falling down around you like so many Gomorrahs filled with depraved beastial sodomite pig fuckers. Fuck me? No, no, fuck you, and get the fuck out of my sight before I shove my cock in that crooked, stroke victim mouth of yours and fuck your face until you declare my dick is a nuclear missle, that my balls are a mobile weapons lab, until you cry that my cum is a chemical weapon."

Or maybe Leahy just stared at Cheney and shook his head, safe in the knowledge that powerful people lash out only when they are cornered and worn down by the weight of all their lies and the evil that they do.

And every time Bush and Cheney appear in public now, they are constantly defensive. The corner's getting tighter and tighter. And, Lord, how they have fucked themselves.