Everything Is There for Democrats to Wreck Republicans in the Midterms and Beyond

As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, Rick Scott, GOP Senator from Florida and the last thing you see before you're dropped into Dip, put out a pamphlet of conservative fantasies that was essentially spanking material for Federalist interns. In it, he proposed that "All federal legislation sunsets in 5 years. If a law is worth keeping, Congress can pass it again." Now, you might read that and think, "So...no one can plan anything for more than five years out because shit might just get shoved back up Congress's ass and we all have to deal with it?" You might also think about laws that needed to be renewed that weren't or were delayed, like the assault weapons ban or the just-reauthorized (after a dickish delay) Violence Against Women Act. 

Of course, it should immediately occur to you that Social Security and Medicare are "federal legislation." And that it's been a dream of Republicans to cut, get rid of, or privatize those entitlements for ages. Yes, some in the GOP like Mitch McConnell, who always looks like he was just told that women can have orgasms, have scolded Scott for that and the part of his plan that reads, "All Americans should pay some income tax to have skin in the game, even if a small amount. Currently over half of Americans pay no income tax," which, of course, would entail raising taxes on low- or no-income people. But Scott has support in the GOP, including Alabama Senator and winner of the 2021 "Are you fucking kidding me? That idiot is a senator?" award Tommy Tuberville and rapey forehead Matt Gaetz, also of the increasingly shitty state of Florida.

Lots of pundit-y types have written about the beautifully-wrapped gift that Rick Scott has given to Democrats. "Whoa, whoa, you mean we can campaign on Republicans saying they wanna shitcan Social Security and Medicare? And raise taxes on the poor?" I can imagine a consultant for Democratic Senate candidates saying. "Oh, fuck, just jack that shit right into my veins."

But the gifts don't stop there. You know how Republicans like to scream about deficits whenever Democrats are in office and then tell everyone to "Suck it" when they pass tax cuts for the rich? Yeah, deficits are falling under Biden, by a trillion bucks next year. That kind of shit shouldn't matter, but it's one of the nails that the GOP likes to hammer Democrats with and Democrats tend to cower and say, "You're right" instead of telling them to shove their tax cuts up their asses. 

Last week, I said that Democrats need to go all out in joining the culture war that the GOP has been fighting. There, I was talking about Democrats embracing abortion rights and campaigning on them. But we can go toe-to-motherfuckin'-toe on a bunch of culture war issues and use them to turn out our base just like Republicans use them to turn out theirs. 

Start with federal funding for Covid response, which was cut out of the budget because Senate Republicans would have balked on the rest of the $1.5 trillion budget if Democrats had tried to push it through. Without that money, it means the federal government's response on a new variant would have to be somewhere between "fuck us" and "go fuck yourself." This is not to mention the slowdown in vaccinations here and around the world (which can prevent the next variant from even evolving), as well as testing, treatment, and research. The math here is easy: Most of the country is vaccinated. Most of the country wants to make sure we don't face a new corona fucking. While Republicans screech about mask mandates, Democrats can campaign on "Okay, then why won't you fund the shit that will prevent mask mandates?" 

Go to town, motherfuckers. Face them down on the anti-trans kids bills. Face them down on all the bullshit about what teachers can teach in the classroom. In Virginia, all 133 school superintendents wrote to Gov. Glenn "Tricked You Suburban Douches, Didn't I?" Youngkin and said, in essence, "Fer fuck's sake, you're being a dick to educators with your idiot tip line on teachers who piss off a parent and ban on things no one is teaching. Stop it." That was supported by superintendents in districts from Wokesville near DC to Fuckacousin near the Tennessee border. You know how hard it is to get all of these people of a scary range of political beliefs to agree? And it's an ad for Democrats that writes itself. 

Add into that the opposition to bans on critical race theory (which, again, is not being taught in elementary schools) in places like Indiana. Yeah, the GOP-controlled Senate there killed an anti-CRT bill because of an outcry from parents, religious leaders, civil rights groups, and others who saw it for the punitive bullshit it is. That happened in fucking Indiana, where Mike Pence's tight ass was elected a few different times. This hysteria is losing its erection, and Democrats need to punch it in the balls and be on the side of teachers. Jesus, just say that teachers and parents need to work together, like they already are in most places. 

Meanwhile, Republicans are stepping on their own dicks, making unforced errors. The leadership can't control the crazies and the Jesus fellaters like Marjorie Taylor Greene. The Rick Scott insanity has the potential to split the caucus. And Trump's out there, wandering the country freely for some reason, the presidential candidate who won't announce he's a presidential candidate, saying completely bizarre shit like that parents need to "lay down their very lives" against critical race theory, which means...what? Suicide bombing a school? Throwing yourself in front of a bus going to a Black history museum? The wheels are coming off the GOP clown car and that means a bunch of clowns will be slamming to a halt and running around, tripping on their oversize shoes, scaring the children.

Again, we're not appealing to the idiot hordes of MAGA cretins and anti-science ghouls. They can go live on plague island and fuck each other until their nipples bleed or whatever. No, we're talking about moving that sliver of a semi-rational middle that is easily manipulated by scary talk but has at least a lick of sense when presented with reality. We can't leave anything unanswered because the majority is on the Democrats' side and we have let them control the cultural narrative in the political realm for way, way too long. It's just that Democrats are like actors who get a dozen great reviews on a play and then obsess on the one bad one, perversely thinking it's more important than what everyone else fucking says. Stop giving power to assholes.

Everything is there to blunt the attacks on Democrats over inflation and other issues. It just takes a little fucking effort to not run away when someone accuses you of being a Marxist or anti-white. Take the shit they throw and use it to fertilize a thousand ads and speeches.

(And to anyone responding to this with "Well, they're Democrats. They won't do it," all I can say is that you're probably right. But I'm fucking trying and now it's time for you to give me your bright ideas.)