Notes on the Crisis: A Few Observations Regarding These Frantic Days:
1. Watching President Bush last night, the Rude Pundit finally figured out what really happened this past week. Bush had the drawn, pale look of a man who either just found out he was sentenced to ten years in a Turkish prison or just ran out of toilet paper while having burning diarrhea or, you know, both (god, that'd suck so bad). Here's why: he gambled that this collapse of the investment banks would hold off until he was out of office. And he lost.

No, the Rude Pundit has no evidence to back that up. Except that the warning signs have been there for over a year and that they knew it was coming at some point because the plan the administration released had been in the works. But the original bailout proposal was a contingency plan. That's why it was such a bullshit document. The hope was that the Jenga pieces would tilt and teeter but stay up for another four months, and then, adios, motherfuckers, enjoy the new depression.

If one was conspiracy-minded, one could say it's the perfect Rovean way to fuck over what has long-expected to be a winning Democratic candidate for president. You wanna set up, say, Jeb for 2012? Make Obama into Hoover. Instead, like a teenaged boy stumbling to get his ex-babysitter's bra off, the whole thing blew up prematurely. And thus instead of getting to do the fucking, Bush is just sticky with his own spooge.

2. And John McCain took some of it in his left eye yesterday, apparently. The Republican candidate's bullshit statement about suspending his campaign has to be the final self-degradation for anyone who still had any thought that this was an honorable or capable person.

For, see, McCain's self-righteous insertion of himself into the bailout process that was well underway was just a way to shiv Obama. Here's how this played out: Obama, in one of those charmingly rational but ultimately naive ways of his, reached out to McCain in the hopes of doing something truly bipartisan (even if it was nonsense that it would be "above politics") and release a perfectly innocuous joint statement saying, well, nothing really, but, still, it was something to do. So McCain's people decided there's no way that cocksucker Obama is gonna look all presidential and shit, so they dicked Obama around and then sent out McCain, left eye sagging with Bush jizz residue, to say he's the one who's above it all and invited Obama to do what McCain did.

But if anything can be done in a stumblefuck bad way, it's McCain's campaign. By putting the debate on the line, they pushed it too far. What might have appeared honorable now just looks like a pussy way out of being kicked in the balls by Obama on Friday in Mississippi. Obama, to his credit, didn't take the bait, but, really, in his press conference, he should have spanked McCain's saggy butt hard. At this point, McCain is like some bloody-thighed heroin addict crawling around in shit and garbage because he can't find anyone to give his pathetic ass a fix, the kind of scabby bitch you wouldn't let blow you, but you might say, "Hey, eat this bug and I'll give you a buck," and that motherfucker'd do it.

And, you know, it would have helped if McCain had actually suspended his campaign. But other than giving McCain a day off and pulling some ads, you can still contribute to the campaign and Palin is still skipping around the nation, acting like she understands shit.

3. Regarding Palin, that chick's a goddamn idiot. Watching her interview with Katie Couric, the Rude Pundit wanted to say, "Katie, tell her not to go full retard." But, of course, Palin can't help it. It's hilarious, like when you see a particularly spastic spider monkey leaping between trees and then it hits a branch that breaks and plunges into a crocodile-filled lake. Oh, nature is a bitch, innit?

When Couric asked Palin whatever the fuck John McCain has ever done about the banking industry and Palin answered, "He's also known as the maverick though, taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he's been talking about - the need to reform government" and, when pressed for actual, you know, things, "I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you," that wasn't just jumping the shark. That was fuckin' jumping Jaws 1 to 4.

4. The thing missing from Bush's speech and from most discussion here is who to blame. Not, as the President said, "the irresponsible actions of some." Not "predatory lenders." No. Give us fucking names. Sometimes the villagers need to know which castle to burn down.