Day of the Little Bitches:
Yesterday, was the day of the little bitches in Washington, DC. After puffing out their chests about how big and tough and indy-pend-ant they are, Republicans in the Senate retreated to their natural position, as little bitches, the kind of little bitch that, when scared, turns her back to you and raises her haunches in expectation of being treated like the little bitch that she is. To wit:

Arlen Specter Is a Little Bitch: Big, bad Arlen Specter can now proudly say that he voted for the marriage amendment before he voted against it. On Sunday gabfests, Specter was so vewy bwave, speaking about how he'll ask tough questions about spying during the confirmation debate over Michael Hayden, but yesterday, he hid the Judiciary Committee Hearing on a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage in a room where the public is not allowed, thus giving it all the importance of a closet blow job. Which pissed off Russ Feingold, who may be circumcised but has enormous balls. Feingold called out Specter on the bullshit hearing, Specter threw a hissy, Feingold walked out, and Specter said, "Good riddance." Then Specter, like a good leader, said he was voting for the amendment to get it out of committee, but that he'll vote against it in the full Senate. This morning, Specter's blow drying the wig he keeps of Thomas Jefferson's hair, putting on Benjamin Franklin's pants, and parading around, declaring, "I am a protector of the Constitution, yes, I am."

Pat Roberts Is a Little Bitch:His opening statement to the Intelligence Committee on the nomination was like a riled up Elmer Fudd trying to figure out whether to shoot Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck. In an impassioned tirade, Roberts, being one of the best little bitches, sucked the adminstration's toes and took a brave stand against whistleblowing and the free press and for entrenched government secrecy because, in case you don't remember, "Al-Qaeda is at war with the United States. Terrorists are planning attacks as we speak." Oh, and by the way, "Remember Khobar Towers, Beirut, the USS Cole, the Embassy attacks, the two attacks on the World Trade Center and 9/11..."

Then Roberts spouted the good little bitch line that Karl Rove has tatooed with a rusty prison needle on the inner thigh of every Republican, "I am a strong supporter of civil liberties. But, you have no civil liberties if you are dead." Of course, one may ask why so many people put their lives on the line (and were killed) trying to get civil liberties in this nation if they can be so readily taken away. But, then again, if you question, you're asking for Osama Bin Laden to climb into your home and beat you to death with your your dog before jacking off on your burning American flag. Then, of course, Hayden and Roberts blinded the rest of the committee with the reflection of klieg lights off their shiny pates.

Yes, between Roberts and Specter, the passage of English as a the "official" language of the United States, and the raising of fines for broadcast "indecency" (which was passed by a procedural move in a nearly empty chamber where Sam "Little Bitch" Brownback railed at the airwaves around him), the Senate was in rare form, turning around for the nutzoid right and offering their glistening, willing anuses for reaming. Another proud day in American legislative history.

Later today, the best of the monkey-bears metaphors.