America: God, We're Such Assholes:
So here we are. America. Goddamn, motherfucking America, man. Soviets are gone. China's a thorn, but mostly complacent in search of the dollar or euro. So we're all that's left. America. The Big Kahuna. Nobody can fuck with us. And how do we handle being the world's only superpower. Through friendship, negotiation, reaching out, and kindness? Nope. We decided that we're going to be total dicks.

How else do you explain the decision by the Department of Defense to punish Russia, France, Germany, and (maybe) Canada for not supporting the war by not allowing contractors in those countries to take part in the orgy of corporate spending known as "rebuilding" Iraq? You gotta be a total insecure dick to do that, not the gorilla in the chimp cage of international relations. And, of course, as every policy decision by the Bush Administration has created lately, an outcry from different quarters of the political world is telling us how pissed off everyone is at this move. Of course, the countries involved are mightily hacked off. Even conservatives find the move "heavy-handed" and "stupid." And this closed door policy comes at a time when the folksy but evil James Baker is heading off to Europe to see if these same countries, these same fucking countries, will forgive the debts of Iraq. This isn't a foreign policy. It's a bunch of shit made up on the fly. As Josh Marshall points out, they have no idea what they're doing.

Said conservatives at The Weekly Standard revealed some cute blind optimism when they said that they "suspect" that Bush would overrule the Pentagon. But, vile as Bill Kristol and Bob Kegan are, they didn't realize that the President is a total smirking cock. See, he pronounced today that he stands by the decision, and, unlike that deviant fuck Paul Wolfowitz, who tried to finesse and lie about this whole thing by saying some babbling bullshit about "national security" concerns as to why the Big Four were excluded, Bush didn't even try to hide his contempt, saying, "It's very simple: Our people risked their lives; friendly coalition folks risked their lives. And, therefore, the contracting is going to reflect that. And that's what the U.S. taxpayers expect," with nary a poll of U.S. taxpayers in sight. See, that's the way assholes work, whether on the street or in the White House. An asshole says he's gonna do it his way and if you don't wanna do it his way, you go fuck yourself. And if you're a real asshole, and someone threatens you, you usually say something like, "Bring it on." Or, in this case, when asked about international trade law being violated by this move, Bush responded, "International law? I better call my lawyer."

When did we become such a nation of assholes? Led by the kind of frat boy asshole failure braggart jerk-off whose ass we always wanted to kick or see kicked out in the playground or behind the bar? Instead, we allow, without so much as a whimper, our "elected" leaders to represent us by behaving like bullies. Our foreign policy is all about pimp-slapping other countries. "France, bitch, you best bring in the benjamins," we say, slamming France against a wall and holding it by its neck as we slap its face back and forth. "That's right, bitch. You best listen to me. Now, get out there and get on your knees and work those froggy lips."

Bush is the asshole guy who shows up at the club in his Ferrari, decked out in the Armani, so much bling weighing down his neck, packing heat. So why does an asshole male drive a hot sports car or wear expensive clothes or carry a gun? It's because he knows that inside his pants is a tiny little dick and he's gonna lash out at the world 'cause he so hates himself for his little dick.