So, yeah, the blogging's been thin these last two weeks, in the midst of the Mueller report and generally accelerating fuckery in the USA. That's because I'm on a long-planned trip to the UK, where, oddly everyone, from London to Liverpool to Leeds, seems to think that they're going to get their shit together in Parliament and stop the drive to Brexit or at least have a new vote.
I just laugh when someone says that. They don't understand what we now realize in the United States: once the stupid train goes out of control, you're gonna need to tear up the tracks in order to stop the damn thing.
Occasionally, I meet someone who is pro-Brexit and doesn't understand why, grr, arrg, they haven't left the EU yet. And occasionally I talk to someone who is just trying to keep a stiff upper lip, whot, whot, regarding the whole mess.
Anyways, this is a long way of saying that more regular acts of bloggery will return next week when I return to the land of the free-ish and the home of the forgot-how-to-be brave.
4/22/2019
The Not-Quite Mueller Report: Trump Is a Whiny Little Bitch Who Wants to Prosecute Hillary Clinton
You’ve read all the legal insights you can stomach about the not-quite Mueller Report. You’ve argued with your friends and family and trolls about whether or not we should go ahead with impeachment (note: How is this even a question? You impeach the motherfucker with a full-court press convincing the American people to rally behind impeaching the motherfucker). You may have even sat down and pored through the Barr-damned redacted report, finding every appalling nugget you can mine out of it, like how the whole White House is just a cheap 1970s Godfather-knockoff film made in Russia.
And now you’ve come to the Rude Pundit, and I’m here to tell you this: Goddamn, the President of the United States, Donald Trump, is such a little whiny bitch all the way through.
We know how much of a whiny bitch he is through his tweets and endless airings of grievances at his rallies of the damned. He's the kind of little bitch that sits in the kitchen, just whimpering when its bowl is empty or whimpering because it shoved its toy under the couch. Just a whiny, noisy, little bitch and you fuckin' hate whoever in the house brought that bitch home.
In the not-really Mueller Report, we get to see the Donald Trump in private, and, holy fuckballs, if anything, he’s even more of a whiny bitch when his stump-thumbs aren’t tapping away on the Twitter app.
For instance, when meeting with his then-White House counsel Don McGahn, then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions, and then-AG Chief of Staff Jody Hunt, Trump bitched to Sessions about the Russia investigation, “This is terrible Jeff. It’s all because you recused. AG is supposed to be most important appointment. Kennedy appointed his brother. Obama appointed Holder. I appointed you and you recused yourself. You left me on an island. I can’t do anything.” That line, “You left me on an island,” is what you say when your online crush has ghosted you and you’re pining away pathetically into the ether.
Another time, he pissed and moaned to Sessions, “Everyone tells me if you get one of these independent counsels it ruins your presidency. It takes years and years and I won’t be able to do anything. This is the worst thing that ever happened to me.” The worst thing to ever happen to Donald Trump is that someone might hold him to account. You know, I’ve got no sympathy for Jeff Sessions, American’s most racist elf, so fuck him even if he did have to be the urinal for Trump’s whine dribbles. (Trump said his now famous “Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my Presidency. I’m fucked” to Sessions and Hunt, and I wonder if they immediately thought of him boning Stormy Daniels.)
Over and over, Trump whinged about how he wanted to be “treated fairly,” that he wanted everyone to make sure he got a “fair” shake. When he tried to convince Sessions to un-recuse himself from the Russia investigation and then open an investigation into Hillary Clinton (which, what the fuck?), he bleated, “Not telling you to do anything. ... I’m not going to get involved. I’m not going to do anything or direct you to do anything. I just want to be treated fairly.” Being treated fairly meant, to Trump, an AG who ran interference for him, as he absolutely believes Eric Holder did for Barack Obama. It never fucking occurs to this blithering dickface that maybe Obama didn’t do anything that needed to be interfered with.
Going after Hillary Clinton to win the election wasn’t enough. Several times, the report mentions how the Trump campaign, including testicle pimples Donald Trump, Jr. and Jared Kushner, sought information that would “incriminate” her. And Trump’s mad tweets about Clinton’s “crimes” are also part of the report.
And, most tellingly, Trump thought “it was unfair that he was being investigated while Hillary Clinton was not.” I guess it also never occurred to him that he was president and no one gave a shit about investigating Clinton when it wouldn’t damage her politically. Trump, though, is a cruel motherfucker. Trump wanted to hurt her personally by prosecuting her for...something.
That's a fucked-up area that no one has really touched, but it's an abuse of power as deep and as wrong as any of the dozens of others.
And now you’ve come to the Rude Pundit, and I’m here to tell you this: Goddamn, the President of the United States, Donald Trump, is such a little whiny bitch all the way through.
We know how much of a whiny bitch he is through his tweets and endless airings of grievances at his rallies of the damned. He's the kind of little bitch that sits in the kitchen, just whimpering when its bowl is empty or whimpering because it shoved its toy under the couch. Just a whiny, noisy, little bitch and you fuckin' hate whoever in the house brought that bitch home.
In the not-really Mueller Report, we get to see the Donald Trump in private, and, holy fuckballs, if anything, he’s even more of a whiny bitch when his stump-thumbs aren’t tapping away on the Twitter app.
For instance, when meeting with his then-White House counsel Don McGahn, then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions, and then-AG Chief of Staff Jody Hunt, Trump bitched to Sessions about the Russia investigation, “This is terrible Jeff. It’s all because you recused. AG is supposed to be most important appointment. Kennedy appointed his brother. Obama appointed Holder. I appointed you and you recused yourself. You left me on an island. I can’t do anything.” That line, “You left me on an island,” is what you say when your online crush has ghosted you and you’re pining away pathetically into the ether.
Another time, he pissed and moaned to Sessions, “Everyone tells me if you get one of these independent counsels it ruins your presidency. It takes years and years and I won’t be able to do anything. This is the worst thing that ever happened to me.” The worst thing to ever happen to Donald Trump is that someone might hold him to account. You know, I’ve got no sympathy for Jeff Sessions, American’s most racist elf, so fuck him even if he did have to be the urinal for Trump’s whine dribbles. (Trump said his now famous “Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my Presidency. I’m fucked” to Sessions and Hunt, and I wonder if they immediately thought of him boning Stormy Daniels.)
Over and over, Trump whinged about how he wanted to be “treated fairly,” that he wanted everyone to make sure he got a “fair” shake. When he tried to convince Sessions to un-recuse himself from the Russia investigation and then open an investigation into Hillary Clinton (which, what the fuck?), he bleated, “Not telling you to do anything. ... I’m not going to get involved. I’m not going to do anything or direct you to do anything. I just want to be treated fairly.” Being treated fairly meant, to Trump, an AG who ran interference for him, as he absolutely believes Eric Holder did for Barack Obama. It never fucking occurs to this blithering dickface that maybe Obama didn’t do anything that needed to be interfered with.
Going after Hillary Clinton to win the election wasn’t enough. Several times, the report mentions how the Trump campaign, including testicle pimples Donald Trump, Jr. and Jared Kushner, sought information that would “incriminate” her. And Trump’s mad tweets about Clinton’s “crimes” are also part of the report.
And, most tellingly, Trump thought “it was unfair that he was being investigated while Hillary Clinton was not.” I guess it also never occurred to him that he was president and no one gave a shit about investigating Clinton when it wouldn’t damage her politically. Trump, though, is a cruel motherfucker. Trump wanted to hurt her personally by prosecuting her for...something.
That's a fucked-up area that no one has really touched, but it's an abuse of power as deep and as wrong as any of the dozens of others.
4/17/2019
Donald Trump Gets More Pathetic By the Day
Look, we all know that the saggy sack of bullshit, drool, and dried semen that is Donald Trump has long been a pathetic figure. From his pretending to be a masterful real estate speculator on The Apprentice to his carnival sideshow of ludicrous products with his name on them, Trump is like a bloated Elvis impersonator whose girth can't be contained in the sequined white outfit anymore, although at least that manque' Elvis had some honor in his life and was probably a whole lot less racist.
As we await the release of the Mueller report and the desperate spin that the White House and its subservient Justice Department will put on it, as we learn more and more that Attorney General William Barr is just another one of Trump's ass remoras, the president himself has seemed to grow smaller and smaller, even as he fluffs himself like a half-mad aging male porn star who can't get hard when he pops Viagra by the handful and injects cocaine right into his dick.
He's just so fucking pathetic and not in a sense of "pathos," but more in a "goddamn, I can't even stand to look at that worthless motherfucker anymore - it makes me sick" way.
At a "roundtable" discussion (if by "roundtable," you mean, "Sure, fine, the table was physically round and that's about it") on Monday in Burnsville, Minnesota, Trump repeatedly mentioned his 2016 campaign and victory. No, really.
Early on, right after saying something about the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral that faked concern, Trump immediately veered into how much better he was than Hillary Clinton in 2016: "I was criticized — coming up, I was criticized that I didn’t raise as much money as Hillary Clinton, that I only spent half. It’s actually much less than half. But I don’t want to tell. And in the old days, if you would spend less and win, you got credit. Today you have to spend more and win. So if I would’ve spent more, I would’ve been given a lot more credit. But the fact is we did spend a lot less money — much, much less money — than the Democrats. And we won."
We are two-and-a-half years past the election of 2016. Yet this craven, miserable son of a bitch keeps wanting to relive a moment where maybe his shitty father would have given him a warm handshake to celebrate. Trump brought it up again: "There’s a great movement in this country, and it started with that very special day in November. Remember that day? Was that a great day? November. November 2016." God, the brain worms keep whispering this to him.
And then, in a "discussion" that was supposed to be about "the economy and tax reform," Trump mentally lumbered off like a drunk Frankenstein's monster, and he talked about North Korea (no shit, he said that people told him that there were earthquakes going on there, but he knew it was nuclear testing) and the fuckin' ISIS caliphate and the fuckin' Golan Heights and the embassy in Jerusalem, which he said cost just $500,000 when it cost at least $21 million. "We’re using all Jerusalem stone," he claimed, which would be fuckin' idiotic.
Seriously, the head of Sergio's Family Restaurants and the general manager of Liberty Landscape Supply, brought there to massage Trump's taint and tell him how amazeballs he is, had to wonder what the fuck was going on.
Trump sounds more and more like a man who is worried that his days are numbered and that he'd better make sure that his story is told the way he wants it told, not how the failing news media would tell it, with its innumerable failures and buffoonery and evil, intentional and unintentional.
Gird your loins for more fuckery tomorrow after the report drops. He'll be screeching like a meth-addicted mongoose if he thinks it says even one small thing against him. Let's be there to cage him and ship him away.
As we await the release of the Mueller report and the desperate spin that the White House and its subservient Justice Department will put on it, as we learn more and more that Attorney General William Barr is just another one of Trump's ass remoras, the president himself has seemed to grow smaller and smaller, even as he fluffs himself like a half-mad aging male porn star who can't get hard when he pops Viagra by the handful and injects cocaine right into his dick.
He's just so fucking pathetic and not in a sense of "pathos," but more in a "goddamn, I can't even stand to look at that worthless motherfucker anymore - it makes me sick" way.
At a "roundtable" discussion (if by "roundtable," you mean, "Sure, fine, the table was physically round and that's about it") on Monday in Burnsville, Minnesota, Trump repeatedly mentioned his 2016 campaign and victory. No, really.
Early on, right after saying something about the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral that faked concern, Trump immediately veered into how much better he was than Hillary Clinton in 2016: "I was criticized — coming up, I was criticized that I didn’t raise as much money as Hillary Clinton, that I only spent half. It’s actually much less than half. But I don’t want to tell. And in the old days, if you would spend less and win, you got credit. Today you have to spend more and win. So if I would’ve spent more, I would’ve been given a lot more credit. But the fact is we did spend a lot less money — much, much less money — than the Democrats. And we won."
We are two-and-a-half years past the election of 2016. Yet this craven, miserable son of a bitch keeps wanting to relive a moment where maybe his shitty father would have given him a warm handshake to celebrate. Trump brought it up again: "There’s a great movement in this country, and it started with that very special day in November. Remember that day? Was that a great day? November. November 2016." God, the brain worms keep whispering this to him.
And then, in a "discussion" that was supposed to be about "the economy and tax reform," Trump mentally lumbered off like a drunk Frankenstein's monster, and he talked about North Korea (no shit, he said that people told him that there were earthquakes going on there, but he knew it was nuclear testing) and the fuckin' ISIS caliphate and the fuckin' Golan Heights and the embassy in Jerusalem, which he said cost just $500,000 when it cost at least $21 million. "We’re using all Jerusalem stone," he claimed, which would be fuckin' idiotic.
Seriously, the head of Sergio's Family Restaurants and the general manager of Liberty Landscape Supply, brought there to massage Trump's taint and tell him how amazeballs he is, had to wonder what the fuck was going on.
Trump sounds more and more like a man who is worried that his days are numbered and that he'd better make sure that his story is told the way he wants it told, not how the failing news media would tell it, with its innumerable failures and buffoonery and evil, intentional and unintentional.
Gird your loins for more fuckery tomorrow after the report drops. He'll be screeching like a meth-addicted mongoose if he thinks it says even one small thing against him. Let's be there to cage him and ship him away.
4/16/2019
On the Road. In the Air. Across the Ocean. (But Enjoy the Podcast)
So I'm over here in the United Kingdom for valuable pub arguments about Brexit that only a stupid American can have with stupid Brits. I'll be back with more pungent rudeness tomorrow.
But the latest episode of Another Goddamn Podcast is out, and you should listen to that shit. It's a look back at Bush era immigration fuckery that's not so different than now, and the thrilling conclusion to my interview with comedian and writer Sarah Cooper. Subscribe. Rate. Review. Orgasm.
Enjoy it on the Sexy Liberal Podcast Network, alongside other awesome pods being cast by Stephanie Miller, Frangela, Dean Obeidallah, John Fugelsang, Randi Rhodes, Bob Cesca,
But the latest episode of Another Goddamn Podcast is out, and you should listen to that shit. It's a look back at Bush era immigration fuckery that's not so different than now, and the thrilling conclusion to my interview with comedian and writer Sarah Cooper. Subscribe. Rate. Review. Orgasm.
Enjoy it on the Sexy Liberal Podcast Network, alongside other awesome pods being cast by Stephanie Miller, Frangela, Dean Obeidallah, John Fugelsang, Randi Rhodes, Bob Cesca,
4/13/2019
Podcast, Patreon, and More Ways to Get Even Ruder
Last Monday, I put out the latest episode of Another Goddamn Podcast. That was the first part of my interview with the awesome writer and comedian Sarah Cooper. The second half will be out on this coming Monday with another new episode. What's with the sudden regular posting of the podcast as opposed to my half-assed, whenever-the-fuck-I-wants approach I was doing?
I'm now part of the Sexy Liberal Podcast Network, with Stephanie Miller, John Fugelsang, the hysterical Frangela, Dean Obeidallah, Randi Rhodes, and Bob Cesca (with more joining). It's like a cult with way less branding on our asses. And it's all a bunch of legit funny, pissed off people talking filthy about politics.
You don't have to download them all (although you can and should because it's all free). But you can still subscribe to AGD Podcast, you can rate it, you can review it, you can live it, and it will make sweet love to you and treat you like you've always deserved to be treated.
Also, you can sign up for the Rude Pundit's Patreon page, where I post bonus material not seen or heard anywhere else, and you can donate as little as a buck a month to get more writing, more audio, and more interviews. In the last couple of months, Patreonanists have jumped into a conversation about which Democrats they currently support and they've read about my chatting up Michael Moore and the funny story of a thief I know, as well as a humor, pop culture, and other shit that needs to get out of my brain. Just $1 for a little extra rudeness, $3 for more, $5 for way too much, and $10 for more than I can even do right now. Goddamn, I gotta sleep sometimes.
If you're someone who doesn't want to donate monthly, if you just send me $50 or more, I'll send you the last 12 months of written posts. If you send $100 or more, shit, I'll throw in some of the audio. You can donate to ensure I never run out of whiskey, the podcast keeps going, and because you wanna feel good about supporting this shit. Donate through PayPal either here or by pressing the magic button on the side there.
Ok. Enough housekeeping. Back Monday with a new episode, a new blog post, and a new Patreon post. It's not like we're running out of material in this fucking ludicrous age.
4/11/2019
Trump Likes to Watch
Let us say, and why not, that Donald Trump likes to watch members of his administration fuck and get fucked by animals. I mean, if there is one thing we know about Donald Trump, it's that, for almost every activity in his life short of playing golf and fucking porn stars and feeling up his daughter and glad-handing dictators, he prefers watching to doing. He stares at the goddamn TV all day. He makes other people do the firing. He doesn't even like to walk. That's how little he does. Remember the alleged pee tape? It wasn't that Russian prostitutes were pissing on him. He requested that the prostitutes do a show of pissing on the bed that Barack and Michelle Obama slept on when they were in Russia, and he watched that show, probably with that little, cruel smirk on his bloated, putrid face.
So let's say that when Trump wants to know how much his advisers, cabinet officials, and assorted lackeys are devoted to him and his mission to fuck shit up for the sake of fucking shit up, he asks them to have some kind of sex with some kind of animal. It's a loyalty method he learned from Roy Cohn, who was well known for letting goats fuck his ass whenever McCarthy wanted him to. Hell, McCarthy would invite J. Edgar Hoover over for a goat party, and Hoover would show up in full drag to let McCarthy pinch his man-tits while Cohn eagerly took goat cock.
Obviously, there are some true believers who are tripping over themselves to get their bestiality on with whatever beasts Trump wants. Mike Pompeo gladly fucked a large sow, who barely noticed it was being fucked. Betsy DeVos has had her ass eaten out by a well-trained iguana and a particularly anxious labradoodle that shit on her back. Racist ersatz human Stephen Miller creeped everyone in the room out by having a tiny grin on his unmoving face in his enormous alien head while he was fucked by a German shepherd.
Trump sits there in the Oval Office with the curtains closed and watches it all, usually with Ivanka, Jared, and his secret nurses by his side.
Mike Pence made a deal with Trump early on: no anal penetration and no placement of his holy dick in the orifice of another of God's creatures. However, Pence has learned to love sucking animal cock. He's blown donkeys and chimps. He even jacked off a lemur. Trump loves throwing new animals at Pence to see if he can get it to jizz. He'll have someone bring out a pangolin or some weird shit, and Pence will take stock of the situation before breaking out the hand lotion or lip balm and get down to business. "Hey, Mikey, he likes it," Trump will say when the aardvark or hairless cat ejaculates in Pence's pinched, pained face, and then Trump will look around to see if people get his 1970s joke and laugh. They do. Of course, they do.
When someone leaves the Trump administration, it's usually because they finally refuse to finger fuck a crocodile pussy or run away when they how weird a capybara penis is. Occasionally, they get out early. James Mattis avoided Trump constantly until one day the president pinned down the then-Secretary of Defense, handed him a jar, and said, "You smear this peanut butter on your balls and let that Great Dane lick it off." Mattis was out before the cap was even off the Jif. Kirstjen Nielsen let herself get fucked by a Shetland pony and let prarie dogs nibble at her nipples, but she drew the line when Trump had a boa constrictor brought out and wanted her to use it as a vibrator. Trump keeps pushing, wanting weirder and more dangerous shit because that's what it takes to keep him watching.
And then there are those who try and try but never can do enough. Poor Jeff Sessions made every effort to please the ever-watching president. He fucked sheep and chickens and all the farm animals he was given. He fucked and fucked, even though he was exhausted, even though he couldn't even orgasm anymore. When Trump started checking his phone to see how many retweets he had while Sessions was getting fucked by a frantic miniature donkey, it broke the Attorney General's soul.
So when someone new gets into a prime position in the administration, it's good to keep an eye out to see how willing that person is to go whole hog, if you will, into Trump's bizarre fetish/power trip.
When newly-minted Attorney General William Barr was speaking to the House and then the Senate judiciary committees this week, it was pretty clear that he was on board with the bestiality. That is a man who is DTFA. You could watch him lie about his redactions in the Mueller report and imagine that he had just been gang-banged by horny spider monkeys. You could watch him make the genuinely surprising and entirely fucked-up assertion that the FBI had been "spying" on the Trump campaign without good cause and picture this bulbous motherfucker hunched over while a zebra humped him. You know he gave a thumbs-up no matter how much pain and rupturing it might cause. Bill Barr will get fucked by animals as much as Trump wants.
I know, I know, we don't want this shit in our heads. We don't wanna think about Ben Carson receiving a rim job from a cocker spaniel. But we have to understand that the worst is happening. And the worst will continue to happen until it's stopped somehow. Hell, maybe the animals will have to do it for us. At this point, we'll fucking take our heroes in any genus. It's awful and it's agonizing and it's unending and it's not funny.
Although, ok, Mitch McConnell getting reamed out by a rhino. That's funny.
So let's say that when Trump wants to know how much his advisers, cabinet officials, and assorted lackeys are devoted to him and his mission to fuck shit up for the sake of fucking shit up, he asks them to have some kind of sex with some kind of animal. It's a loyalty method he learned from Roy Cohn, who was well known for letting goats fuck his ass whenever McCarthy wanted him to. Hell, McCarthy would invite J. Edgar Hoover over for a goat party, and Hoover would show up in full drag to let McCarthy pinch his man-tits while Cohn eagerly took goat cock.
Obviously, there are some true believers who are tripping over themselves to get their bestiality on with whatever beasts Trump wants. Mike Pompeo gladly fucked a large sow, who barely noticed it was being fucked. Betsy DeVos has had her ass eaten out by a well-trained iguana and a particularly anxious labradoodle that shit on her back. Racist ersatz human Stephen Miller creeped everyone in the room out by having a tiny grin on his unmoving face in his enormous alien head while he was fucked by a German shepherd.
Trump sits there in the Oval Office with the curtains closed and watches it all, usually with Ivanka, Jared, and his secret nurses by his side.
Mike Pence made a deal with Trump early on: no anal penetration and no placement of his holy dick in the orifice of another of God's creatures. However, Pence has learned to love sucking animal cock. He's blown donkeys and chimps. He even jacked off a lemur. Trump loves throwing new animals at Pence to see if he can get it to jizz. He'll have someone bring out a pangolin or some weird shit, and Pence will take stock of the situation before breaking out the hand lotion or lip balm and get down to business. "Hey, Mikey, he likes it," Trump will say when the aardvark or hairless cat ejaculates in Pence's pinched, pained face, and then Trump will look around to see if people get his 1970s joke and laugh. They do. Of course, they do.
When someone leaves the Trump administration, it's usually because they finally refuse to finger fuck a crocodile pussy or run away when they how weird a capybara penis is. Occasionally, they get out early. James Mattis avoided Trump constantly until one day the president pinned down the then-Secretary of Defense, handed him a jar, and said, "You smear this peanut butter on your balls and let that Great Dane lick it off." Mattis was out before the cap was even off the Jif. Kirstjen Nielsen let herself get fucked by a Shetland pony and let prarie dogs nibble at her nipples, but she drew the line when Trump had a boa constrictor brought out and wanted her to use it as a vibrator. Trump keeps pushing, wanting weirder and more dangerous shit because that's what it takes to keep him watching.
And then there are those who try and try but never can do enough. Poor Jeff Sessions made every effort to please the ever-watching president. He fucked sheep and chickens and all the farm animals he was given. He fucked and fucked, even though he was exhausted, even though he couldn't even orgasm anymore. When Trump started checking his phone to see how many retweets he had while Sessions was getting fucked by a frantic miniature donkey, it broke the Attorney General's soul.
So when someone new gets into a prime position in the administration, it's good to keep an eye out to see how willing that person is to go whole hog, if you will, into Trump's bizarre fetish/power trip.
When newly-minted Attorney General William Barr was speaking to the House and then the Senate judiciary committees this week, it was pretty clear that he was on board with the bestiality. That is a man who is DTFA. You could watch him lie about his redactions in the Mueller report and imagine that he had just been gang-banged by horny spider monkeys. You could watch him make the genuinely surprising and entirely fucked-up assertion that the FBI had been "spying" on the Trump campaign without good cause and picture this bulbous motherfucker hunched over while a zebra humped him. You know he gave a thumbs-up no matter how much pain and rupturing it might cause. Bill Barr will get fucked by animals as much as Trump wants.
I know, I know, we don't want this shit in our heads. We don't wanna think about Ben Carson receiving a rim job from a cocker spaniel. But we have to understand that the worst is happening. And the worst will continue to happen until it's stopped somehow. Hell, maybe the animals will have to do it for us. At this point, we'll fucking take our heroes in any genus. It's awful and it's agonizing and it's unending and it's not funny.
Although, ok, Mitch McConnell getting reamed out by a rhino. That's funny.
4/09/2019
Yeah, Conservative Jerks, We on the Left Did Have a Problem with Obama's Detention of Kids, But Trump's Far Worse
Let's get this out of the way: Except in rare cases, like suspected child trafficking or drug smuggling, migrant children were not separated from their families by the administration of Barack Obama. Our blithering cockknob president, Donald Trump, can insist, like a spoiled toddler in the ice cream section of Trader Joe's, that "President Obama separated the children. Those cages that were shown — I think they were very inappropriate — they were built by President Obama’s administration, not by Trump. President Obama had child separation. Take a look. The press knows it. You know it. We all know it. I didn’t have — I’m the one that stopped it. President Obama had child separation."
But that's a goddamn lie, and Trump can't jack it into being truth no matter how many times he yanks it. Shit, he went so far as to tweet out a Fox "news" video that showed reports on the detention of children in fenced-in centers during the Obama administration. And you know what? That shit's real. You got us.
Yup, the Obama administration did keep migrant children from Central America in large-scale detention centers, ones with metal fences and smaller, caged areas, in the United States, at Nogales, Arizona, among other places. But, and see if you can follow me here, you dumbass MAGA motherfuckers, the kids were traveling alone. They were unaccompanied minors. Obama's Border Patrol wasn't tearing families apart. It created places to house large numbers of children and women with children when immigration was surging in 2014. (And, hell, you idiots even missed that Obama's Secretary of Homeland Security thought the centers would be a "deterrent" to more children coming.)
Before you try yawping "Hypocrites!" at us in your barely human burble of noise that we might decipher as words, lemme correct you ahead of time. We on the left and those in the media had a big fuckin' problem with the treatment of the kids. The New York Times repeatedly editorialized on it. Tons of news coverage went to the centers. That's why Fox "news" even has the footage it now shows to say, "See? The black guy did it" (when he totally wasn't doing the same thing). Hell, I wrote about it. There were many churches and charities willing to take in the kids and families. That's what should have happened.
Yet one of the things we were also writing about was how Republicans were being just complete motherfuckers about these kids and families fleeing violence in Honduras, Guatemala, and elsewhere. Yeah, we were saying to treat them with compassion and process their asylum claims. Republicans and their moron minions were threatening to bodily block buses of migrant children from getting into the United States.
The camps sucked. They were wrong, and we said so. And Obama thought it might make Republicans finally make some kind of deal on immigration. Obama's problem was always that he thought he was dealing with honorable humans when he was really dealing with the syphilitic whores and deranged weasel-fuckers of the GOP, and those craven cocks were only there to piss on anything Obama wanted. Obama tried to get Republicans to devote more resources to processing people at the border and at ports of entry, but, well, Republicans.
We have the fucking receipts on this shit, man. We have the 2011 Memorandum to ICE where it said that the agency "only has resources to remove approximately 400,000 aliens per year" so let's use those resources to go after the violent assholes, not families that have been here for decades. Oh, and, by the way, the policy also opposed "catch and release," that line Trump's used endlessly. The memo says they should also target those who only recently crossed illegally or violated visas and deport them "to avoid a return to the prior practice commonly and historically referred to as 'catch and release.'" Does that fuck up your nice little narrative?
Meanwhile, lumpish Trump is demanding that Border Patrol agents break the law to prevent migrants from entering, and he wants to go nutzoid on the family separation, the tears of children needed as the lube for his manic masturbation sessions, the only way he can forget what an impotent failure he is.
This utter contempt Trump has for desperate asylum seekers was on display today when he followed up his lie about Obama and family separation with "Once you don’t have it, that’s why you see many more people coming. They’re coming like it’s a picnic because 'let’s go to Disneyland.'"
Yeah, we thought the Obama program was wrong and inhumane; at least he wanted to attempt compassion in the big picture. But this evil motherfucker in there now? Trump won't be happy until he can have armed goons shooting down at families from turrets in his bullshit wall.
And Stephen Miller will watch the videos of the massacres and giggle as he stitches together his newest skin suit.
But that's a goddamn lie, and Trump can't jack it into being truth no matter how many times he yanks it. Shit, he went so far as to tweet out a Fox "news" video that showed reports on the detention of children in fenced-in centers during the Obama administration. And you know what? That shit's real. You got us.
Yup, the Obama administration did keep migrant children from Central America in large-scale detention centers, ones with metal fences and smaller, caged areas, in the United States, at Nogales, Arizona, among other places. But, and see if you can follow me here, you dumbass MAGA motherfuckers, the kids were traveling alone. They were unaccompanied minors. Obama's Border Patrol wasn't tearing families apart. It created places to house large numbers of children and women with children when immigration was surging in 2014. (And, hell, you idiots even missed that Obama's Secretary of Homeland Security thought the centers would be a "deterrent" to more children coming.)
Before you try yawping "Hypocrites!" at us in your barely human burble of noise that we might decipher as words, lemme correct you ahead of time. We on the left and those in the media had a big fuckin' problem with the treatment of the kids. The New York Times repeatedly editorialized on it. Tons of news coverage went to the centers. That's why Fox "news" even has the footage it now shows to say, "See? The black guy did it" (when he totally wasn't doing the same thing). Hell, I wrote about it. There were many churches and charities willing to take in the kids and families. That's what should have happened.
Yet one of the things we were also writing about was how Republicans were being just complete motherfuckers about these kids and families fleeing violence in Honduras, Guatemala, and elsewhere. Yeah, we were saying to treat them with compassion and process their asylum claims. Republicans and their moron minions were threatening to bodily block buses of migrant children from getting into the United States.
The camps sucked. They were wrong, and we said so. And Obama thought it might make Republicans finally make some kind of deal on immigration. Obama's problem was always that he thought he was dealing with honorable humans when he was really dealing with the syphilitic whores and deranged weasel-fuckers of the GOP, and those craven cocks were only there to piss on anything Obama wanted. Obama tried to get Republicans to devote more resources to processing people at the border and at ports of entry, but, well, Republicans.
We have the fucking receipts on this shit, man. We have the 2011 Memorandum to ICE where it said that the agency "only has resources to remove approximately 400,000 aliens per year" so let's use those resources to go after the violent assholes, not families that have been here for decades. Oh, and, by the way, the policy also opposed "catch and release," that line Trump's used endlessly. The memo says they should also target those who only recently crossed illegally or violated visas and deport them "to avoid a return to the prior practice commonly and historically referred to as 'catch and release.'" Does that fuck up your nice little narrative?
Meanwhile, lumpish Trump is demanding that Border Patrol agents break the law to prevent migrants from entering, and he wants to go nutzoid on the family separation, the tears of children needed as the lube for his manic masturbation sessions, the only way he can forget what an impotent failure he is.
This utter contempt Trump has for desperate asylum seekers was on display today when he followed up his lie about Obama and family separation with "Once you don’t have it, that’s why you see many more people coming. They’re coming like it’s a picnic because 'let’s go to Disneyland.'"
Yeah, we thought the Obama program was wrong and inhumane; at least he wanted to attempt compassion in the big picture. But this evil motherfucker in there now? Trump won't be happy until he can have armed goons shooting down at families from turrets in his bullshit wall.
And Stephen Miller will watch the videos of the massacres and giggle as he stitches together his newest skin suit.
4/04/2019
White Nationalists Suspected of Fire at Important Civil Rights Location
When I was working on my dissertation on labor unions in the early 20th century and their intersection with theatre, I did a great deal of archival research all around the United States. Most of it was at organized libraries, where well-trained archivists would bring me boxes of material to sort through at tightly-controlled spaces as I searched for play manuscripts that had never been published, as well as letters, programs, and anything else that would help.
Things were different when I went to the Highlander Center in New Market, Tennessee. For one, it was just up the road a bit from where I was living in Knoxville. And it's a compound of buildings, with gathering spaces and rooms for workshops. Highlander has a magical feel to it. It's not just the history, although that's pretty amazing.
Started in southeast Tennessee in 1932 as a place for the arts, it quickly became a space for union activism and organizing and training for the Civil Rights Movement, with Martin Luther King doing some of his early work there. After political forces closed the original Folk School, it moved to Knoxville for a decade (right across the Tennessee River from where I ended up living many years later). Finally, it moved to its current site in New Market in 1972. It is still deeply involved in the fight for racial and gender justice, as well as for rights for immigrants and workers.
I went to Highlander in the early 1990s, when it was still reeling from the death of one its founders, Myles Horton, and I got there just before they were going to send some of their archives up to the Wisconsin State Historical Society. They let me go up to the attic of the main building and told me I could dig through the boxes as long as I put everything back. I sat on the dusty floor, crawling from box to box, poring through the history of the region, of the school, delicately opening folders with yellowed papers and fading photographs, until I found a bounty of typewritten pages, scripts from the 1930s, things that no one had looked at in over a half-century. I went back for days, and everyone there was encouraging and wanted to talk about what I found. They didn't even realize they had those documents. In the year or so I wandered the nation, gathering my material, Highlander was the place where I felt most connected to the past I wanted to reveal.
It had seemed that Highlander had outlasted the forces that tried to destroy it over and over, whether it was Communist-hunting opportunist politicians or the KKK tossing bombs into their windows or any of a number of threats. But last week, that main building burned to the ground in a suspicious fire. Nobody was hurt, although "decades of archives" were also destroyed. The fire is being investigated as arson.
And then, this week, the Center posted on its Facebook page that a white nationalist symbol was found spray-painted on their parking lot. The symbol is like a hashtag with extra lines, and while it comes from an anti-Semitic hate group from Romania in the 1930s, it is popular with the current crop of radicalized racists. The "triple cross" was seen on a t-shirt worn by at least one of the neo-Nazi pieces of garbage in Charlottesville, and it was on the gun used by the miserable worm who murdered so many people in Christchurch, New Zealand.
On Facebook, the directors of the Center wrote, "Highlander is a sacred place built by communities of the most affected people and it has become a home to those who believe in freedom and collective liberation here in the south, across the U.S and around the world. Because of our history we are not surprised that this space, one where marginalized people working across sectors, geographies and identities show up consistently, has been repeatedly targeted over our 87 years of existence."
And, depressingly, isn't that where we are now? While the White House conspicuously and suspiciously denies any upswing in white nationalist violence and terrorism in the United States, even the FBI director said today that the "danger ... of white supremacists, violent extremism or any other kind of extremism is, of course, significant...We assess that it is a persistent, pervasive threat." Murders, fires, intimidation, and more are going to proliferate unless law enforcement treats white nationalist groups like the terrorists they are.
I said that more than the history of Highlander made it magical. It's in a space surrounded by mountains, a gorgeous, peaceful area. When you step outside, you feel you are in the heart of Appalachia. And Highlander has worked to improve the lives of the people of the region as much as it has worked for anyone else. Even if one of those people is responsible for the fire, it won't deter the Center's mission to help them.
Highlander's leaders are unbowed. They wrote, "This is a time for building our power. Now is the time to be vigilant. To love each other and support each other and to keep each other safe in turbulent times. Now is not the time to dismiss how scary things are, which makes it even more important to have concrete assessments of concrete conditions, and sophisticated strategies to build a new world."
It is scary out there. And we need to fight the beliefs of those who want to scare us into complacency, retreat, and silence.
Things were different when I went to the Highlander Center in New Market, Tennessee. For one, it was just up the road a bit from where I was living in Knoxville. And it's a compound of buildings, with gathering spaces and rooms for workshops. Highlander has a magical feel to it. It's not just the history, although that's pretty amazing.
Started in southeast Tennessee in 1932 as a place for the arts, it quickly became a space for union activism and organizing and training for the Civil Rights Movement, with Martin Luther King doing some of his early work there. After political forces closed the original Folk School, it moved to Knoxville for a decade (right across the Tennessee River from where I ended up living many years later). Finally, it moved to its current site in New Market in 1972. It is still deeply involved in the fight for racial and gender justice, as well as for rights for immigrants and workers.
I went to Highlander in the early 1990s, when it was still reeling from the death of one its founders, Myles Horton, and I got there just before they were going to send some of their archives up to the Wisconsin State Historical Society. They let me go up to the attic of the main building and told me I could dig through the boxes as long as I put everything back. I sat on the dusty floor, crawling from box to box, poring through the history of the region, of the school, delicately opening folders with yellowed papers and fading photographs, until I found a bounty of typewritten pages, scripts from the 1930s, things that no one had looked at in over a half-century. I went back for days, and everyone there was encouraging and wanted to talk about what I found. They didn't even realize they had those documents. In the year or so I wandered the nation, gathering my material, Highlander was the place where I felt most connected to the past I wanted to reveal.
It had seemed that Highlander had outlasted the forces that tried to destroy it over and over, whether it was Communist-hunting opportunist politicians or the KKK tossing bombs into their windows or any of a number of threats. But last week, that main building burned to the ground in a suspicious fire. Nobody was hurt, although "decades of archives" were also destroyed. The fire is being investigated as arson.
And then, this week, the Center posted on its Facebook page that a white nationalist symbol was found spray-painted on their parking lot. The symbol is like a hashtag with extra lines, and while it comes from an anti-Semitic hate group from Romania in the 1930s, it is popular with the current crop of radicalized racists. The "triple cross" was seen on a t-shirt worn by at least one of the neo-Nazi pieces of garbage in Charlottesville, and it was on the gun used by the miserable worm who murdered so many people in Christchurch, New Zealand.
On Facebook, the directors of the Center wrote, "Highlander is a sacred place built by communities of the most affected people and it has become a home to those who believe in freedom and collective liberation here in the south, across the U.S and around the world. Because of our history we are not surprised that this space, one where marginalized people working across sectors, geographies and identities show up consistently, has been repeatedly targeted over our 87 years of existence."
And, depressingly, isn't that where we are now? While the White House conspicuously and suspiciously denies any upswing in white nationalist violence and terrorism in the United States, even the FBI director said today that the "danger ... of white supremacists, violent extremism or any other kind of extremism is, of course, significant...We assess that it is a persistent, pervasive threat." Murders, fires, intimidation, and more are going to proliferate unless law enforcement treats white nationalist groups like the terrorists they are.
I said that more than the history of Highlander made it magical. It's in a space surrounded by mountains, a gorgeous, peaceful area. When you step outside, you feel you are in the heart of Appalachia. And Highlander has worked to improve the lives of the people of the region as much as it has worked for anyone else. Even if one of those people is responsible for the fire, it won't deter the Center's mission to help them.
Highlander's leaders are unbowed. They wrote, "This is a time for building our power. Now is the time to be vigilant. To love each other and support each other and to keep each other safe in turbulent times. Now is not the time to dismiss how scary things are, which makes it even more important to have concrete assessments of concrete conditions, and sophisticated strategies to build a new world."
It is scary out there. And we need to fight the beliefs of those who want to scare us into complacency, retreat, and silence.
4/02/2019
The Trump-Forsaken, Flood-Fucked Farmers and Tribes
A state of emergency exists right now (or existed within the past week) for the Crow Reservation in Montana, as well as in the Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe reservation and the Pine Ridge Reservation of the Oglala Sioux in South Dakota, all due to the insane, ongoing flooding from a sudden huge snowfall and sudden warm up that suddenly caused that sudden snow to become sudden water. In Nebraska, the Ponca and Santee Sioux tribes were affected by the floods, too.
The floods washed away a water line at Pine Ridge and while it was being repaired, the reservation didn't have safe drinking water. The waters have also prevented people from being able to get to grocery stores and pharmacies, and that's in a place of 20,000 people, half of whom live below the poverty line, where health problems are an issue without the roads to the doctor and, well, food being cut off.
What does it mean that the road was cut off? Here's what one highway in Iowa looked like a few days ago:
How fucked are things in the Midwest right now? Those Iowa roads will take months to repair, with some not expected to open until the fall because the ground is so saturated they can't even get in the construction equipment to start work.
Oh, and the water in all these places is likely fucked, especially for people who rely on wells. See, floods tends to take anything they wash over with them, including shit and poison that covers the farms all over the region. That shit and poison is now polluting the wells. In 300 counties in 10 states are over a million people who rely on water from ground wells that could get a dose of poisonous shit water. We're not even talking about the Superfund clean-up sites that were already contaminated and that were hit by the floods in Nebraska and Missouri. More free-flowing chemical nightmares.
And there's the farmers. Yeah, that contaminated flood water is also fucking up the lives of thousands of farmers. It's not just that whatever crops they thought they might grow are gone. It's that the grain and soybeans they had in storage got contaminated by the poisonous shit water. That means that what a farmer hoped to sell to make up for how terrible things might be with the crops is now mostly going to have to be destroyed. And currently, the USDA doesn't have a fund to assist farmers with crops and stored grain lost in floods. Hundreds of thousands of acres of farm land were or are underwater. For soybean farmers already getting fucked by Trump's trade war with China, it's a double blow.
Trump is talking a good pro-farmer game right now as he intensifies his hate-fucking of Puerto Rico, which he sees as less worthy of government help than the almighty farmer. But Trump's 2020 budget proposal fucks over farmers nearly as badly; it cuts the budget of the USDA by over 14%, or $3.6 billion, and lowers the crop insurance subsidies for farmers, as well as capping what small farmers can get. Plus, if he closes the border with Mexico, well, that closes a huge market for American crops.
Just a continuous fucking by the potent combination of utter incompetence, complete ignorance, and willful dickishness that is the standard operating ethos of the Trump administration.
Meanwhile, the one issue that combines all of these issues, from South Dakota to Puerto Rico, climate change, ain't even on Trump's radar. But you can sure as hell bet it's on the minds of farmers. They fuckin' know, even if they want to pretend otherwise. The same goes for immigration issues. They know how shit works.
Of course, they're gonna have to figure out if their farms matter more than their racism in 2020.
The floods washed away a water line at Pine Ridge and while it was being repaired, the reservation didn't have safe drinking water. The waters have also prevented people from being able to get to grocery stores and pharmacies, and that's in a place of 20,000 people, half of whom live below the poverty line, where health problems are an issue without the roads to the doctor and, well, food being cut off.
What does it mean that the road was cut off? Here's what one highway in Iowa looked like a few days ago:
How fucked are things in the Midwest right now? Those Iowa roads will take months to repair, with some not expected to open until the fall because the ground is so saturated they can't even get in the construction equipment to start work.
Oh, and the water in all these places is likely fucked, especially for people who rely on wells. See, floods tends to take anything they wash over with them, including shit and poison that covers the farms all over the region. That shit and poison is now polluting the wells. In 300 counties in 10 states are over a million people who rely on water from ground wells that could get a dose of poisonous shit water. We're not even talking about the Superfund clean-up sites that were already contaminated and that were hit by the floods in Nebraska and Missouri. More free-flowing chemical nightmares.
And there's the farmers. Yeah, that contaminated flood water is also fucking up the lives of thousands of farmers. It's not just that whatever crops they thought they might grow are gone. It's that the grain and soybeans they had in storage got contaminated by the poisonous shit water. That means that what a farmer hoped to sell to make up for how terrible things might be with the crops is now mostly going to have to be destroyed. And currently, the USDA doesn't have a fund to assist farmers with crops and stored grain lost in floods. Hundreds of thousands of acres of farm land were or are underwater. For soybean farmers already getting fucked by Trump's trade war with China, it's a double blow.
Trump is talking a good pro-farmer game right now as he intensifies his hate-fucking of Puerto Rico, which he sees as less worthy of government help than the almighty farmer. But Trump's 2020 budget proposal fucks over farmers nearly as badly; it cuts the budget of the USDA by over 14%, or $3.6 billion, and lowers the crop insurance subsidies for farmers, as well as capping what small farmers can get. Plus, if he closes the border with Mexico, well, that closes a huge market for American crops.
Just a continuous fucking by the potent combination of utter incompetence, complete ignorance, and willful dickishness that is the standard operating ethos of the Trump administration.
Meanwhile, the one issue that combines all of these issues, from South Dakota to Puerto Rico, climate change, ain't even on Trump's radar. But you can sure as hell bet it's on the minds of farmers. They fuckin' know, even if they want to pretend otherwise. The same goes for immigration issues. They know how shit works.
Of course, they're gonna have to figure out if their farms matter more than their racism in 2020.