When it comes to labeling the mass shooting at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs, Colorado, by the anthropomorphic turd named Robert Dear, it shouldn't matter if said shitpiece is bugfuck insane or not. You can be completely eye-rolling, head-beating, moon-howling crazy and still be a fucking terrorist. You might be That Fucking Crazy Terrorist (as if sanity is something that terrorists generally have), but you're still a fucking terrorist. So let's dispense with all the polite bullshit reserved for white, domestic terrorists, like excusing them from the "terrorist" label for being batshit or whatever.
The only reason to say that the violent assault on a family planning clinic wasn't "terrorism" is for fear of upsetting the yahoos in the so-called "pro-life" movement. Fuck them. Fuck everything about them. Fuck their movement. Fuck their churches. Fuck their leaders. Fuck their followers. Fuck them all. You know why they so broadly need to be fucked? Because they are liars. They are liars to themselves and to others.
Now, here's something really politically incorrect to say, not fake political incorrectness, like Ben Carson talks about: If you knew that, in a house down the street, someone was murdering babies, you'd fucking do whatever it took to stop them. You'd get in there and take those babies away so they're not murdered. This is the biggest goddamn lie in the anti-choice rhetoric. Most of the anti-choicers know good and goddamn well that abortion and infanticide are two very different things because if they honestly believed that an abortion is the same as taking an infant out of a stroller and killing it, then they are fucking monsters to allow it to continue. So either they are cowards or they are liars and, except for a few of the craziest motherfuckers in the movement, they know in their heart of hearts that abortion is not murder. You know why they know it's not murder? Because they can't bust down a door and rescue a baby because that baby isn't a baby. It's a fetus attached to a woman who doesn't want you to fucking rescue her.
That's the great cosmic joke of nearly the entire anti-abortion belief system. You know that it's mostly just manipulative fuckers at organizations like the Family Research Council and politicians like, well, everyone in the GOP. And they're trying to squeeze money out of the yokels and, because in many cases their church is involved, the yokel parishioners, like yokels and rubes throughout history, will try to please their shepherds. The sheep might not wanna go into the goddamn pen, but they will because they are fucking sheep. The anti-choice movement is a scam, and the attacks, verbal and physical, on women's health centers and family planning clinics, are the pinnacle of a great con.
And that brings us to Robert Dear, another gun-toting, redneck shitheel who succeeded in murdering a devoted Christian police officer, an Iraq War vet, and a stay-at-home mom, an iconic triumvirate of conservative values. Between them, Garrett Swasey, Ke'Arre Stewart, and Jennifer Markovsky were parents to six children. And, while it matters not one whit if any of them or all of them were there for abortions, even by the low bar of stopping the selling of "baby parts," as Dear told cops he was attempting to do, this domestic terrorist was an utter failure, like he was at life.
But fuck Dear. Instead, look at the bullshit being spouted by the supposed leaders of the Republican Party, the same cocksuckers who lied about Planned Parenthood "selling" fetus parts in order to, in many cases, help medical science advance. The sentient syphilis virus known as Carly Fiorina said, "Any protesters should always be peaceful. Whether it's Black Lives Matter or pro-life protesters." Except the turd wasn't protesting. He was shooting a fucking automatic weapon. Where did that happen in any Black Lives Matter marches? She continued by attacking Planned Parenthood for daring to suggest that hateful things said by people like Fiorina might have inspired the shooter: "This is so typical of the left to immediately begin demonizing a messenger because they don't agree with the message." Fiorina was the worst of a terrible bunch, which included Ted "We don't why he did it, but he might be transgender" Cruz, Donald "People hate Planned Parenthood" Trump, and Mike "This is terrorism against the pro-life movement" Huckabee. None of them mourned the dead without adding some self-serving fuckery about how they're not involved.
But they will continue to say, over and over, that babies are being mutilated so cruel butchers can profit off their organs. They will dare to accuse the doctors and nurses of savagery. They will promote false videos as reality. The anti-choice movement's leaders, religious and political, will continue to wink to each other as they repeatedly tell their followers that they must do something to stop Planned Parenthood.
They will inspire more terrorism by more Robert Dears, just as they had inspired the killers and arsonists and bombers before him. Truly, they are the same as any ISIS propagandist. And they will wash their hands of the blood that is spilled by people who can quote their foul words back to them.
11/30/2015
11/27/2015
Who Needs ISIS When We've Got...(Part 1): Martin Shkreli and Turing Pharmaceuticals
(First in an occasional series on the real terrorists we should fear, none of which happen to belong to a certain well-armed group of losers and fucknuts)
So who would have figured that proud douchebro, all-around assbag, and man most likely to be serial nut-punched, Martin Shkreli, the CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals, was a lying scumbag when he said he'd lower the price of a drug to treat toxoplasmosis? Shkreli had said he'd do so after the uproar when Turing bought U.S. rights to the drug and raised the price by 5400%, from $13.50 a pill to $750 because fuck you, commie. Turing did cut the price for hospitals who buy it in bulk, but since the bulk of the sales are to people who aren't hospitalized, like HIV patients and pregnant women, the gutting of people who need the drug continue. (And, by the way, the pill, Daraprim, has been around for over 60 years, so the research has been paid back multiple times.)
For instance, one patient in Seattle would have had to pay $27,000 a month to take Daraprim, so a rival company, seeing an opening, is offering a version at $1 a pill and guess what? Live by capitalism, die by capitalism, motherfucker. Imprimis is raking in the dough.
And Martin Shkreli and much of the pharmaceutical industry will continue to terrorize Americans, legally, under the mask of the free market.
So who would have figured that proud douchebro, all-around assbag, and man most likely to be serial nut-punched, Martin Shkreli, the CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals, was a lying scumbag when he said he'd lower the price of a drug to treat toxoplasmosis? Shkreli had said he'd do so after the uproar when Turing bought U.S. rights to the drug and raised the price by 5400%, from $13.50 a pill to $750 because fuck you, commie. Turing did cut the price for hospitals who buy it in bulk, but since the bulk of the sales are to people who aren't hospitalized, like HIV patients and pregnant women, the gutting of people who need the drug continue. (And, by the way, the pill, Daraprim, has been around for over 60 years, so the research has been paid back multiple times.)
For instance, one patient in Seattle would have had to pay $27,000 a month to take Daraprim, so a rival company, seeing an opening, is offering a version at $1 a pill and guess what? Live by capitalism, die by capitalism, motherfucker. Imprimis is raking in the dough.
And Martin Shkreli and much of the pharmaceutical industry will continue to terrorize Americans, legally, under the mask of the free market.
11/26/2015
A Thanksgiving Prayer from the Conquered
From Lakota Chief Yellow Lark:
Oh, Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the winds
and whose breath gives life
to all the world, hear me.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes
ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made
and my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise so that I may understand
the things you have taught my people.
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy – myself.
Make me always ready to come to you
with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades, as the fading sunset,
my spirit will come to you without shame.
Oh, Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the winds
and whose breath gives life
to all the world, hear me.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes
ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made
and my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise so that I may understand
the things you have taught my people.
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy – myself.
Make me always ready to come to you
with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades, as the fading sunset,
my spirit will come to you without shame.
11/25/2015
In Brief: Minneapolis Protest Shooters Are White Assholes, Of Course
Of course, the men who shot into the crowd of protesters during a Black Lives Matter demonstration in Minneapolis over another cop killing another unarmed black male, Jamar Clark, were white assholes. There was a brief moment when an Hispanic man was arrested, and you could feel the hearts of racists grow three sizes as they prepared mighty blog posts to say, "See? It wasn't just white assholes."
Except, in the end, it was three white assholes because it's almost always white assholes. And, of course, almost tediously so, the white assholes were enamored of shit like Confederate symbols and militia nonsense and guns, guns, guns, motherfuckers, guns.
The protests for Clark continued Tuesday, even in the wake of Monday's shooting. They will pause today as Clark is buried by his family.
Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, and we will break bread and rip apart turkeys to celebrate the white assholes who "started" this country on crime and murder, what we rightly call our "heritage."
Except, in the end, it was three white assholes because it's almost always white assholes. And, of course, almost tediously so, the white assholes were enamored of shit like Confederate symbols and militia nonsense and guns, guns, guns, motherfuckers, guns.
The protests for Clark continued Tuesday, even in the wake of Monday's shooting. They will pause today as Clark is buried by his family.
Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, and we will break bread and rip apart turkeys to celebrate the white assholes who "started" this country on crime and murder, what we rightly call our "heritage."
11/24/2015
Judge to Wisconsin Lawmakers: Stop Being Dicks About Abortion
Agree or disagree with Judge Richard Posner on an issue, it's easy to distill his approach to jurisprudence to a simple message to the party he rules against: "You're being dicks. Stop being dicks." And when you're on his side, as with his evisceration of homophobes on same-sex marriage, it is the kind of breathtaking that is usually reserved for the entrance of Magic Mike. So it is in his opinion yesterday in a 2-1 appeals court ruling overturning Wisconsin's ludicrous anti-choice law that requires doctors at clinics that perform abortions to have admitting privileges at a nearby hospital.
From the get-go, Posner demonstrates just how dickish the law was in its concept: "Although signed into law on a Friday (July 5, 2013), Wisconsin’s statute required compliance—the possession, by every doctor who performs abortions, of admitting privileges at a hospital within a 30-mile radius of each clinic at which the doctor performs abortions—by the following Sunday (July 7, 2013). There was no way an abortion doctor, or any other type of doctor for that matter, could obtain admitting privileges so quickly, and there wouldn’t have been a way even if the two days hadn’t been weekend days. As the district court found, it takes a minimum of one to three months to obtain admitting privileges and often much longer."
In other words, by design, the statute targeted clinics for near-immediate end of abortion services, even as, Posner explains again and again, access to them is still a fucking constitutional right. From Posner: "Until and unless Roe v. Wade is overruled by the Supreme Court, a statute likely to restrict access to abortion with no offsetting medical benefit cannot be held to be within the enacting state’s constitutional authority."
Even on the issue of whether or not it's necessary for a doctor to have admitting privileges in order to help women who have complications after an abortion, Posner takes it apart: "One doctor with extensive experience in obstetrics and gynecology told about a case in which a woman with a complication from an abortion might, he thought, have avoided a hysterectomy if her abortion doctor had called the hospital or had had admitting privileges. That is the only evidence in the record that any woman whose abortion resulted in a medical complication has ever, anywhere in the United States, been made worse off by being handed over by her abortion doctor to a gynecologist, or other specialist with relevant expertise, employed by the hospital to which she’s taken. And the example doesn’t actually have anything to do with admitting privileges. The abortion doctor didn’t need admitting privileges at a hospital in order to call an ambulance to take his patient to the nearest hospital, or to communicate with the treating doctor at the hospital—neither of which he did." And that's all the evidence the state of Wisconsin had.
Yeah, you should use that quote around the Thanksgiving table when that relative, you know, that one, brings up abortion to a mostly uncomfortable silence. If you live in Wisconsin, you can add, "And Scott Walker can suck my giblets."
Read the whole thing. It's just a series of amazing, quotable passages where Posner says, repeatedly, "Goddamn, you are such dicks." He covers the expense of travel and lodging for poor women to get to distant clinics (the cost of which, as he says, the state isn't willing to pick up) and the fact that limiting first trimester abortions leads to many more second trimester abortions, where complications are more frequent (although still incredibly infrequent).
One last quote here, so good you can touch yourself as you read it like the best erotic fiction: "Opponents of abortion reveal their true objectives when they procure legislation limited to a medical procedure—abortion—that rarely produces a medical emergency. A number of other medical procedures are far more dangerous to the patient than abortion, yet their providers are not required to obtain admitting privileges anywhere, let alone within 30 miles of where the procedure is performed."
Short version? "Hey, dicks, go fuck yourselves."
From the get-go, Posner demonstrates just how dickish the law was in its concept: "Although signed into law on a Friday (July 5, 2013), Wisconsin’s statute required compliance—the possession, by every doctor who performs abortions, of admitting privileges at a hospital within a 30-mile radius of each clinic at which the doctor performs abortions—by the following Sunday (July 7, 2013). There was no way an abortion doctor, or any other type of doctor for that matter, could obtain admitting privileges so quickly, and there wouldn’t have been a way even if the two days hadn’t been weekend days. As the district court found, it takes a minimum of one to three months to obtain admitting privileges and often much longer."
In other words, by design, the statute targeted clinics for near-immediate end of abortion services, even as, Posner explains again and again, access to them is still a fucking constitutional right. From Posner: "Until and unless Roe v. Wade is overruled by the Supreme Court, a statute likely to restrict access to abortion with no offsetting medical benefit cannot be held to be within the enacting state’s constitutional authority."
Even on the issue of whether or not it's necessary for a doctor to have admitting privileges in order to help women who have complications after an abortion, Posner takes it apart: "One doctor with extensive experience in obstetrics and gynecology told about a case in which a woman with a complication from an abortion might, he thought, have avoided a hysterectomy if her abortion doctor had called the hospital or had had admitting privileges. That is the only evidence in the record that any woman whose abortion resulted in a medical complication has ever, anywhere in the United States, been made worse off by being handed over by her abortion doctor to a gynecologist, or other specialist with relevant expertise, employed by the hospital to which she’s taken. And the example doesn’t actually have anything to do with admitting privileges. The abortion doctor didn’t need admitting privileges at a hospital in order to call an ambulance to take his patient to the nearest hospital, or to communicate with the treating doctor at the hospital—neither of which he did." And that's all the evidence the state of Wisconsin had.
Yeah, you should use that quote around the Thanksgiving table when that relative, you know, that one, brings up abortion to a mostly uncomfortable silence. If you live in Wisconsin, you can add, "And Scott Walker can suck my giblets."
Read the whole thing. It's just a series of amazing, quotable passages where Posner says, repeatedly, "Goddamn, you are such dicks." He covers the expense of travel and lodging for poor women to get to distant clinics (the cost of which, as he says, the state isn't willing to pick up) and the fact that limiting first trimester abortions leads to many more second trimester abortions, where complications are more frequent (although still incredibly infrequent).
One last quote here, so good you can touch yourself as you read it like the best erotic fiction: "Opponents of abortion reveal their true objectives when they procure legislation limited to a medical procedure—abortion—that rarely produces a medical emergency. A number of other medical procedures are far more dangerous to the patient than abortion, yet their providers are not required to obtain admitting privileges anywhere, let alone within 30 miles of where the procedure is performed."
Short version? "Hey, dicks, go fuck yourselves."
11/23/2015
We All Get the Donald Trump We Deserve
The Rude Pundit was on the verge of writing an angry wee blog post about dwarf-handed pigfucker Donald Trump and his lies (motherfucker did say he would start a registry of Muslims), lying (cockknob's racist tweet of racist stats put forth by racists, like him), bullshit (dick-weasel didn't see "thousands and thousands" of people cheering in Jersey City as the Twin Towers fell because there weren't thousands and thousands of Arabs or Muslims or whatever in Jersey City in 2001), outrage (jizz-gobbler said he thought a black protester beaten at his rally should have been roughed up), and outrageousness (bitchface put out a video of Hillary Clinton laughing while the Benghazi compound burns). Goddamn, what a fucking bounty, just in one weekend, like the glory days of the bathhouses in Chelsea, just ripe and tumescent for the picking.
And then the Rude Pundit thought about a book he read months ago. It's Bird Box by Josh Malerman, and it's one of the creepiest damn novels of the last couple of years (that this guy has read). But it also provides us with a useful metaphor. See, Bird Box takes place after creatures from somewhere have taken over the earth. The catch is that as long as you don't look at the things, you'll have a chance to survive. If you do, though, you'll go mad and you'll kill yourself, perhaps taking others with you in the process. And, no, there is no Medusa-mirror solution here. People are forced to exist in houses with all the windows covered and, if they must leave, they have to go outside blindfolded so they don't accidentally glimpse a monster. Some characters can't help themselves or some just stumble, and the madness takes over. But for those who are brave enough to keep their eyes covered, they have still have to hear the things and feel them when they are close; they just get to keep their sanity and their lives.
Goddamnit, we don't have to respond every time Donald Trump, a syphilitic screamer who is half carnival barker, half cut-rate Mussolini, spews out something, either in one of his loudmouthed phone interviews or on his Twitter account, where he or his minions articulate his brand of brainwashing the useless mouth-breathing ass-pickers who are his voters clamor for. Trump himself regularly calls for boycotts of companies that annoy him in some meaningless way. The editor of The Daily Beast is saying we should boycott Trump products because the man himself is such a twat-flea.
But what if we boycotted Trump? What if we just decided that looking at him, listening to him, giving him airtime every single speech or tweet or fucked-up expression of ego that he's pretending is policy is driving us insane? What if we decide to wear blindfolds and allow him to rant and rage, but let him do it in a fucking vacuum, with no coverage? Go all in: kick him out of the GOP debates because he's a blithering hatemonger, a wealthy dilettante playing games with the minds of the idiotic. Oh, sure, he'll go nutzoid, say it's because we're all frightened of him and his silent majority (who, fuck you, are heard more than any liberal movement anywhere in the U.S.). Ignore that, too.
Trump is still here because we have said that the things he spouts are within the realm of decency, and that's only because he's rich. Without his money, he'd be debating rats about who gets the best pizza crusts. And while all of the GOP candidates are wanton suckers of goat cock, maybe one of them could have the straight-up balls to say, "Yeah, fuck this. I'm not appearing on the same stage with this asshole." It'd get you more coverage, John Kasich, than 100 proposals to create a Department of How Awesome Jesus Is (and, Sure, Jews) in your pretend administration.
Maybe it's time to stop ourselves from going completely over the edge.
(Note: This is as much a fantasy as Trump becoming president. We'll all keep talking about his brain vomit.)
And then the Rude Pundit thought about a book he read months ago. It's Bird Box by Josh Malerman, and it's one of the creepiest damn novels of the last couple of years (that this guy has read). But it also provides us with a useful metaphor. See, Bird Box takes place after creatures from somewhere have taken over the earth. The catch is that as long as you don't look at the things, you'll have a chance to survive. If you do, though, you'll go mad and you'll kill yourself, perhaps taking others with you in the process. And, no, there is no Medusa-mirror solution here. People are forced to exist in houses with all the windows covered and, if they must leave, they have to go outside blindfolded so they don't accidentally glimpse a monster. Some characters can't help themselves or some just stumble, and the madness takes over. But for those who are brave enough to keep their eyes covered, they have still have to hear the things and feel them when they are close; they just get to keep their sanity and their lives.
Goddamnit, we don't have to respond every time Donald Trump, a syphilitic screamer who is half carnival barker, half cut-rate Mussolini, spews out something, either in one of his loudmouthed phone interviews or on his Twitter account, where he or his minions articulate his brand of brainwashing the useless mouth-breathing ass-pickers who are his voters clamor for. Trump himself regularly calls for boycotts of companies that annoy him in some meaningless way. The editor of The Daily Beast is saying we should boycott Trump products because the man himself is such a twat-flea.
But what if we boycotted Trump? What if we just decided that looking at him, listening to him, giving him airtime every single speech or tweet or fucked-up expression of ego that he's pretending is policy is driving us insane? What if we decide to wear blindfolds and allow him to rant and rage, but let him do it in a fucking vacuum, with no coverage? Go all in: kick him out of the GOP debates because he's a blithering hatemonger, a wealthy dilettante playing games with the minds of the idiotic. Oh, sure, he'll go nutzoid, say it's because we're all frightened of him and his silent majority (who, fuck you, are heard more than any liberal movement anywhere in the U.S.). Ignore that, too.
Trump is still here because we have said that the things he spouts are within the realm of decency, and that's only because he's rich. Without his money, he'd be debating rats about who gets the best pizza crusts. And while all of the GOP candidates are wanton suckers of goat cock, maybe one of them could have the straight-up balls to say, "Yeah, fuck this. I'm not appearing on the same stage with this asshole." It'd get you more coverage, John Kasich, than 100 proposals to create a Department of How Awesome Jesus Is (and, Sure, Jews) in your pretend administration.
Maybe it's time to stop ourselves from going completely over the edge.
(Note: This is as much a fantasy as Trump becoming president. We'll all keep talking about his brain vomit.)
11/20/2015
Hey, Cruz and Rubio, You Know That Cuban Refugee Terrorists Blew Things Up in the U.S. in the 1970s, Right?
Check this out. It's from the New York Times on Sunday, November 28, 1976, so almost exactly 39 years ago. The title pretty much gives the game away: "9 Cuban Refugees Go on Trial in Miami Tomorrow, Putting Focus on Terrorists' Activities in South Florida." The article is pretty stunning to look at now, in our current context, and it's important, so listen:
"Nine Cuban refugees are to go on trial here Monday in the murder of Luciano Nieves, an exile leader who had advocated a United States dialogue with Cuba. The case, in which four other suspects are still at large, will focus new attention on Miami's Cuban terrorists, who are a major force in the city's Latin-American community, according to the authorities." Yeah, see, the terrorists even belonged to a group with a name, the Pragmatistas, and they could hide in the Cuban community.
The Pragmatistas were "regarded as the most violent and dangerous of the exile groups," and they "financed themselves through 'acts of terrorism such as arson for hire and kidnapping,'" according to a Dade County grand jury that was investigating terrorism. These jerks extorted money from legitimate business people, with about 100 "hard-core terrorists" in the area and another 100 who participated in terrorist activities.
The article goes on, "Their political goal has been to prevent what they view as an impending rapprochement between the United States and Cuba...Despite their limited numbers, the terrorists have had a major impact on south Florida. In the last three years, more than 100 bombs have exploded in Miami. At the height of the campaign, there were 10 blasts in a 24-hour period, including one outside the local office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, one in Miami police headquarters, and a third in the office of the State Attorney." Several people died and others were badly hurt by the terrorist bombings committed by terrorists who came to this country as refugees.
Do you understand? We knew, for sure, that refugees from Cuba were committing acts of violence in the United States. They were bombing an American city with the goal of changing the foreign policy of a Republican administration (that of Gerald Ford). And this was after the fears in the 1960s that Soviet Communists would come in from Cuba and overthrow the U.S. government had mostly passed. Guess what we didn't do? We didn't stop taking in Cuban refugees.
The terrorism by Cuban refugees, who, it should be noted, were allowed into the country under a special law meant to automatically grant them asylum starting in November 1966, continued, even into the Mariel boatlift in 1980, where thousands of Cubans came to the shores of the United States, including, yes, we know, at least 2000 criminals that Fidel Castro sent over.
So when Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio, both of partial Cuban descent, whose fathers fled the conflict in Cuba in the 1950s, want to halt Syrian refugees from coming to the United States because of completely unfounded fears of infiltration by terrorists, they are being beyond hypocritical.
Would they be willing to tell the Cuban population that they would have ended the refugee program in the 1970s because of real terrorists committing real crimes from Cuba? No, they're not that brave or stupid. But they should be asked, over and over, why we didn't punish the thousands upon thousands of innocent Cubans for the violent acts of a few.
"Nine Cuban refugees are to go on trial here Monday in the murder of Luciano Nieves, an exile leader who had advocated a United States dialogue with Cuba. The case, in which four other suspects are still at large, will focus new attention on Miami's Cuban terrorists, who are a major force in the city's Latin-American community, according to the authorities." Yeah, see, the terrorists even belonged to a group with a name, the Pragmatistas, and they could hide in the Cuban community.
The Pragmatistas were "regarded as the most violent and dangerous of the exile groups," and they "financed themselves through 'acts of terrorism such as arson for hire and kidnapping,'" according to a Dade County grand jury that was investigating terrorism. These jerks extorted money from legitimate business people, with about 100 "hard-core terrorists" in the area and another 100 who participated in terrorist activities.
The article goes on, "Their political goal has been to prevent what they view as an impending rapprochement between the United States and Cuba...Despite their limited numbers, the terrorists have had a major impact on south Florida. In the last three years, more than 100 bombs have exploded in Miami. At the height of the campaign, there were 10 blasts in a 24-hour period, including one outside the local office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, one in Miami police headquarters, and a third in the office of the State Attorney." Several people died and others were badly hurt by the terrorist bombings committed by terrorists who came to this country as refugees.
Do you understand? We knew, for sure, that refugees from Cuba were committing acts of violence in the United States. They were bombing an American city with the goal of changing the foreign policy of a Republican administration (that of Gerald Ford). And this was after the fears in the 1960s that Soviet Communists would come in from Cuba and overthrow the U.S. government had mostly passed. Guess what we didn't do? We didn't stop taking in Cuban refugees.
The terrorism by Cuban refugees, who, it should be noted, were allowed into the country under a special law meant to automatically grant them asylum starting in November 1966, continued, even into the Mariel boatlift in 1980, where thousands of Cubans came to the shores of the United States, including, yes, we know, at least 2000 criminals that Fidel Castro sent over.
So when Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio, both of partial Cuban descent, whose fathers fled the conflict in Cuba in the 1950s, want to halt Syrian refugees from coming to the United States because of completely unfounded fears of infiltration by terrorists, they are being beyond hypocritical.
Would they be willing to tell the Cuban population that they would have ended the refugee program in the 1970s because of real terrorists committing real crimes from Cuba? No, they're not that brave or stupid. But they should be asked, over and over, why we didn't punish the thousands upon thousands of innocent Cubans for the violent acts of a few.
11/19/2015
Donald Trump Is a Scarier Terrorist Than Anyone from ISIS (Updated)
It's become perfectly clear that GOP frontrunner Donald Trump has decided that the best way to overcome terrorism is by being more of a terrorist than the terrorists themselves. What separates Trump's use of fear as a campaign tactic from every other candidate doing so is that, for Trump, it's an unabashed attempt to demonize, isolate, and punish people for their identities. Others may do two of those three things, like Ted Cruz or Jeb Bush, but only Trump pushes his rhetoric to the point where he's obviously talking about violence against innocent people abroad, as in "bomb the shit out of them," and, more importantly, here in the United States.
This is what Trump told Yahoo News, in an interview published today, about what he'd do as president about Syrian refugees who are let into the United States during the Obama administration: "They’re going to be gone. They will go back...I’ve said it before, in fact, and everyone hears what I say, including them (the refugees), believe it or not. But if they’re here, they have to go back, because we cannot take a chance. You look at the migration, it’s young, strong men. We cannot take a chance that the people coming over here are going to be ISIS-affiliated." Trump said he would be willing to look into issuing Muslims special identification, which would have to be something akin to "show me your papers" or a cloth crescent and star, perhaps, worn on one's garments. And he has said that mosques need to come under scrutiny or perhaps be closed. This is not to mention that he wants to start up warrantless surveillance of Muslim communities.
On undocumented immigrants from Mexico and Latin America, in addition to his wall, Trump has said that he will deport all 11 million people currently in the United States illegally. He'd end birthright citizenship, and he'd stop issuing green cards for a period of time. And if you think he's moderated his tone since June, when he called Mexican immigrants "rapists" and criminals, just last month, Trump offered a take on Mexicans that was straight out of the Archie Bunker book of insults: "I mean, the way our country is run, if it doesn't happen to be me that wins, you know what's going to happen? They're going to build a plant and illegals are going drive those cars right over the border. And they'll probably end up stealing the cars." Of course, the crowd cheered madly.
Ultimately, Donald Trump is promising to tear apart the families of millions of people and send thousands back to be killed or abused in Syria. This is not to mention the paranoia, no, the terror that Trump wants to instill in the legal immigrants who are here or the American Muslims who have lived in this country for several generations. And what if someone resists carrying an i.d. card, like an American citizen? Will they be arrested? Beaten? Shot by cops? Trump has no compunction about widespread punishment or about rallying the nationalist idiots for some kind of restoration of an older America, a goal that is not that different from those who want a caliphate. And this doesn't even get into his China-phobia.
Yeah, many others have said the obvious, that Trump is now essentially a fascist without the coherent ranting of a Hitler or Mussolini. He's delineated people into superior and inferior populations, and he's calling for the repression of those he deems inferior.
But we can also call Trump a "terrorist" for the way he wields fear as a cudgel, forcing everyone to respond and freak-out and change how they live and what they think of the world around them. Frankly, we should be more frightened of Donald Trump than any ISIS fighter creeping into the nation. Trump is here. And, as he'll tell you, he's armed and dangerous.
Update: Last night, Trump said he would "absolutely implement" a database registry for Muslims living in the United States. Asked if people would be "forced to register," he said, "They have to be." He is a clear and present danger.
This is what Trump told Yahoo News, in an interview published today, about what he'd do as president about Syrian refugees who are let into the United States during the Obama administration: "They’re going to be gone. They will go back...I’ve said it before, in fact, and everyone hears what I say, including them (the refugees), believe it or not. But if they’re here, they have to go back, because we cannot take a chance. You look at the migration, it’s young, strong men. We cannot take a chance that the people coming over here are going to be ISIS-affiliated." Trump said he would be willing to look into issuing Muslims special identification, which would have to be something akin to "show me your papers" or a cloth crescent and star, perhaps, worn on one's garments. And he has said that mosques need to come under scrutiny or perhaps be closed. This is not to mention that he wants to start up warrantless surveillance of Muslim communities.
On undocumented immigrants from Mexico and Latin America, in addition to his wall, Trump has said that he will deport all 11 million people currently in the United States illegally. He'd end birthright citizenship, and he'd stop issuing green cards for a period of time. And if you think he's moderated his tone since June, when he called Mexican immigrants "rapists" and criminals, just last month, Trump offered a take on Mexicans that was straight out of the Archie Bunker book of insults: "I mean, the way our country is run, if it doesn't happen to be me that wins, you know what's going to happen? They're going to build a plant and illegals are going drive those cars right over the border. And they'll probably end up stealing the cars." Of course, the crowd cheered madly.
Ultimately, Donald Trump is promising to tear apart the families of millions of people and send thousands back to be killed or abused in Syria. This is not to mention the paranoia, no, the terror that Trump wants to instill in the legal immigrants who are here or the American Muslims who have lived in this country for several generations. And what if someone resists carrying an i.d. card, like an American citizen? Will they be arrested? Beaten? Shot by cops? Trump has no compunction about widespread punishment or about rallying the nationalist idiots for some kind of restoration of an older America, a goal that is not that different from those who want a caliphate. And this doesn't even get into his China-phobia.
Yeah, many others have said the obvious, that Trump is now essentially a fascist without the coherent ranting of a Hitler or Mussolini. He's delineated people into superior and inferior populations, and he's calling for the repression of those he deems inferior.
But we can also call Trump a "terrorist" for the way he wields fear as a cudgel, forcing everyone to respond and freak-out and change how they live and what they think of the world around them. Frankly, we should be more frightened of Donald Trump than any ISIS fighter creeping into the nation. Trump is here. And, as he'll tell you, he's armed and dangerous.
Update: Last night, Trump said he would "absolutely implement" a database registry for Muslims living in the United States. Asked if people would be "forced to register," he said, "They have to be." He is a clear and present danger.
11/18/2015
Republicans Are Pussies Who Believe the United States Is Weak
This is simple: If you say that the United States or your state or your city or your little shithole by the ditch should ban refugees from Syria because ISIS fighters or Islamic terrorists or Sharia-packin' mules might get into the nation. you are a pussy. Because what you are saying is that you are so afraid of a couple of goatfuckers getting through and blowing themselves up that you would rather cringe in the dark and hide. And you think the nation is so pathetic and weak that those goatfuckers could actually have a shot at destroying Our Way of Life (spoiler: they don't).
Oh, sure, sure, you can pretend that you're standing up for security and you wanna keep Americans safe and holy shit, do you want to become Muslim? But you're really just a goddamn pussy, hoping that the evil dark-skinned man doesn't fuck you.
So we get the embarrassing spectacle of Republican after Republican (and, let's be honest, more than a few non-Republicans) trying to act tough and preen for the cameras and the delusional, inbred piglets that make up the GOP base and say that no way, no-how will you allow a Muslim Syrian fleeing the very enemy we're fighting to come to the land of the fighters. In purely nationalist terms, you are saying that it is better that 10,000 Syrians go back to be killed or radicalized than take the slim chance that a couple of Americans might be harmed.
All of the GOP presidential candidates are wearing their cowardice on their sleeves. All. Of. Them. Even fuckin' George Pataki and no one barely remembers that he exists.
Stupider still are Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz, who said we should have a religious test and allow only the Christians in because that way we'll be safe. Which really begs the question: Why the fuck wouldn't a terrorist pretend to be Christian to sneak in? Oh, wait, it doesn't make sense. It just sounds like you are making some bold statement about religious values to the aforementioned piglets.
By the way, the award for the biggest pussy who tried to sound tough and strong but sounded even more like a pussy goes to Chris Christie for declaring that he wouldn't let in even 5-year-old orphans. Real men tell orphan children to go fuck themselves back to their homelands to be raped and enslaved.
Who's not a pussy in all this? The Democrats (save a few exceptions) and President Obama, the ones who say, "You know what? It doesn't take a whole lot of bravery to help people who just want to stay alive."
The Rude Pundit has long been weary of the unspoken belief that Republicans are so much tougher than Democrats, that conservatives are so much braver than liberals. If you're hiding behind closed doors, cowering with your guns, believing that destruction is just around the corner, you're the pussy. Those of us who believe that our lives have meaning only in how we interact and help others are the goddamn strong ones. It's a fucking shame that courage has been reduced to just not being a dick all the time.
Oh, sure, sure, you can pretend that you're standing up for security and you wanna keep Americans safe and holy shit, do you want to become Muslim? But you're really just a goddamn pussy, hoping that the evil dark-skinned man doesn't fuck you.
So we get the embarrassing spectacle of Republican after Republican (and, let's be honest, more than a few non-Republicans) trying to act tough and preen for the cameras and the delusional, inbred piglets that make up the GOP base and say that no way, no-how will you allow a Muslim Syrian fleeing the very enemy we're fighting to come to the land of the fighters. In purely nationalist terms, you are saying that it is better that 10,000 Syrians go back to be killed or radicalized than take the slim chance that a couple of Americans might be harmed.
All of the GOP presidential candidates are wearing their cowardice on their sleeves. All. Of. Them. Even fuckin' George Pataki and no one barely remembers that he exists.
Stupider still are Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz, who said we should have a religious test and allow only the Christians in because that way we'll be safe. Which really begs the question: Why the fuck wouldn't a terrorist pretend to be Christian to sneak in? Oh, wait, it doesn't make sense. It just sounds like you are making some bold statement about religious values to the aforementioned piglets.
By the way, the award for the biggest pussy who tried to sound tough and strong but sounded even more like a pussy goes to Chris Christie for declaring that he wouldn't let in even 5-year-old orphans. Real men tell orphan children to go fuck themselves back to their homelands to be raped and enslaved.
Who's not a pussy in all this? The Democrats (save a few exceptions) and President Obama, the ones who say, "You know what? It doesn't take a whole lot of bravery to help people who just want to stay alive."
The Rude Pundit has long been weary of the unspoken belief that Republicans are so much tougher than Democrats, that conservatives are so much braver than liberals. If you're hiding behind closed doors, cowering with your guns, believing that destruction is just around the corner, you're the pussy. Those of us who believe that our lives have meaning only in how we interact and help others are the goddamn strong ones. It's a fucking shame that courage has been reduced to just not being a dick all the time.
11/17/2015
Piece of Shit Texas Legislator Tony Dale Is a Piece of Shit
Of all the goddamned stupid things that Republicans have been saying in the wake of the Paris terrorist attacks, none can even come close to what GOP state legislator from Texas House District 136, Tony Dale, said. That's this motherfucker right here, looking like Glenn Beck's vestigial twin:
In a letter to Senator John Cornyn asking him to stop the United States from taking in more Syrian refugees, Dale writes, a bit illiterately (the errors in here are all Dale), "While the Paris attackers used suicide vests and grenades it is clear that firearms also killed a large number of innocent victims. Can you imagine a scenario were a refugees is admitted to the United States, is provided federal cash payments and other assistance, obtains a drivers license and purchases a weapon and executes an attack?”
You got that? Dumbass piece of shit Dale, whose district is just north of the rational island of Austin, is worried that it's too fuckin' easy to buy a gun in Texas. And you know what fuckin' dumbass piece of shit Texas legislator voted in favor of every bill to loosen gun regulations? Well, the smilin' sumbitch up there, that's who.
Now, you can say that this is just a minor player who said something idiotic and hypocritical and utterly devoid of a connection with his own fucking actions and beliefs. You could ask him, "Wouldn't your precious good guys with guns stop the bad guy Syrian with a gun?" You might even try to reason and say, "Hey, how about universal background checks?" But Dale is a kind of bellwether for the cockknobs of the right who would utter shit like that and pretend it makes perfect sense.
It's why Chris Christie can, in the span of a couple of months, go from mourning a dead refugee child to saying that not even toddler orphans from Syria should be allowed on the supple shores of America. It's why Ted Cruz can utter, with all seriousness, that religious freedom is precious but we should only allow in Christian refugees and by the way, he loves Jesus, who would come down from the cross just to beat the shit out of Cruz.
Tony Dale is a fucking pimple on humanity. But he's a mere blackhead compared to the throbbing pustules who lead the GOP.
In a letter to Senator John Cornyn asking him to stop the United States from taking in more Syrian refugees, Dale writes, a bit illiterately (the errors in here are all Dale), "While the Paris attackers used suicide vests and grenades it is clear that firearms also killed a large number of innocent victims. Can you imagine a scenario were a refugees is admitted to the United States, is provided federal cash payments and other assistance, obtains a drivers license and purchases a weapon and executes an attack?”
You got that? Dumbass piece of shit Dale, whose district is just north of the rational island of Austin, is worried that it's too fuckin' easy to buy a gun in Texas. And you know what fuckin' dumbass piece of shit Texas legislator voted in favor of every bill to loosen gun regulations? Well, the smilin' sumbitch up there, that's who.
Now, you can say that this is just a minor player who said something idiotic and hypocritical and utterly devoid of a connection with his own fucking actions and beliefs. You could ask him, "Wouldn't your precious good guys with guns stop the bad guy Syrian with a gun?" You might even try to reason and say, "Hey, how about universal background checks?" But Dale is a kind of bellwether for the cockknobs of the right who would utter shit like that and pretend it makes perfect sense.
It's why Chris Christie can, in the span of a couple of months, go from mourning a dead refugee child to saying that not even toddler orphans from Syria should be allowed on the supple shores of America. It's why Ted Cruz can utter, with all seriousness, that religious freedom is precious but we should only allow in Christian refugees and by the way, he loves Jesus, who would come down from the cross just to beat the shit out of Cruz.
Tony Dale is a fucking pimple on humanity. But he's a mere blackhead compared to the throbbing pustules who lead the GOP.
11/16/2015
Another Goddamned Blog Post About Paris and ISIS
The Rude Pundit is generally not a hindsighter. The whole act of questioning what we would've, could've, and should've done is a waste of time. But, as the right-wing media and political class rushed to blame President Obama for the ISIS-claimed attacks in Paris on Friday, the Rude Pundit thought that, if we're going to blame anyone, it's gotta be the administration and policies of George W. Bush.
It's not just that the toppling of Saddam Hussein created the anarchy out of which al-Qaeda in Iraq arose (and then evolved into ISIS), but you have to add to that the hindsight question of where would we be in the world right now if all the money and lives wasted on our frivolous, indulgent war in Iraq had been used to fight terrorism and the situations that inspire it. What if we had set up schools? What if we had hunted terrorists? What if, what if, what if. It is a goddamned waste of time. But to anyone who blames Obama, you gotta fuckin' justify not blaming Bush.
Look, it goes without saying that ultimately, the "blame" for the attacks is squarely on the 8 fucking cunts who shot people and blew themselves up, as well as any other fucking cunts who assisted them in France or Belgium or wherever cuntish religious nuts gather to talk about how much they wanna kill people who aren't cuntish religious nuts like them. But such cunts do not develop in a vacuum. And you can't say that Islam as a religion is what made them such cunts because there are a fuck of a lot of Muslims who are entirely not cunts and just trying to live their lives in ways they hope will make themselves, their families and, perhaps, the world better off, and you're kind of a dick if you condemn all Muslims for the acts of so very, very few.
The goals of the attacks committed by these fucking cunts are simple: scare the shit out of people so that their countries want to go apeshit and blow the shit out of the cunts, thus proving the cunts' cuntish point in the first place, which is something like, "Hey, those assholes in the West wanna kill us. We'll show you by killing some of them and then you'll see." That leads to the fucking cunts' main goal, which is getting more people to become the same fucking cunts that these fucking cunts are. It's a simple equation. Join our death cult, murder a few infidels or Shia or white people, maybe even get to cut off some heads and shit, get blown up either by yourself or by Western nations bombing you. Hose off the sidewalk and start again. How the fuck do you defeat that? How the fuck do you defeat crazy death cults?
(Side note: Once you go down the path of whose apocalyptic death cult is dangerous, you gotta figure in the end times Christians who see uncritical, unimpeded, endless support of Israel as a means to bring about the Rapture. Those motherfuckers are actually in the mainstream of American politics, including at least two people currently running for president: Senator Ted Cruz and Mike Huckabee. So their support of Jewish settlements in the occupied territories throws fuel on a fire that could possibly have been extinguished years ago, all because they want the world to end.)
So you've got options. Sure, sure, you can keep bombing them. You can "kill the bastards," as a hyperactive CNN reporter suggested to President Obama today. But you better be willing to out-savage the savages. The only way that works as a strategy is to go full-bore massacre-machine, making "shock and awe" and the siege of Fallujah back in the Iraq war look like children on a playground. If you've got the bloodlust and the stomach for war crimes and you don't mind the endless murder of civilians and the fact that the nation will never be safe and its citizens will be pariahs around the world, then, sure, hulk out, motherfuckers, and turn a nation or two into radioactive dirt fields. But if you're not gonna do that, then you gotta have another strategy.
See, hindsight might be a waste of time. What's not a waste is learning from the fuck-ups and trying something different. But when it comes to terrorism, Republicans are suggesting the same stupid shit as ever. Send in soldiers. Ban refugees. Fucking closing mosques.
The Rude Pundit doesn't have a solution because he's not dumb enough to pretend he understands this to the point where anything he says is valid. But he knows enough to say that many of the fighters in ISIS are people looking for shit to do in a time and in a region where they had their lives upended by endless wars for at least the last 15 years, thanks primarily to our fuckery in the region. It's a chance to restore a little goddamned meaning and dignity to themselves. They've just chosen the cuntiest possible way to do that.
That means that we need to fight when necessary - although no matter what you do, a half-dozen fucknuts are always going to be able to occasionally slip through your wall or your shield and wreak havoc. But it means a little goddamned mercy goes a long ass way. It means opening ourselves to the refugee tide and offering an experience of the West that is counter to the image that they've been fed in much the same way the West has been fed an image of the Muslim world that's a lie, but it's a lie that gets stronger with every attack and it allows the liars to lie to more people.
Many of the current wave of refugees want to get the hell away from the storm that's engulfed Syria, which includes the crazed violence of the Assad regime and of ISIS. The Republican policy seems to be let's send back the people fleeing bombs so we can bomb them. That's unsustainable. Instead, as Jesse Berney says in Rolling Stone, "[I]f we want a world where terrorists can no longer recruit young people to give their lives to senseless murder, we have to show that the United States is not their enemy. Welcoming those fleeing terror is a critical first step. And rejecting refugees won't keep terrorists determined to attack us from finding a way in."
What happened in Paris is a nightmare. If we once again react with just military might and limitations on the rights of people and ludicrous lashing out at anyone Muslim, then we will be here, perhaps after Assad falls and we once again get rid of a terrible person and unleash chaos, and we'll all be saying the same goddamn things in more goddamned blog posts of recognizing that we fail and fail again and refuse to do something other than fail.
It's not just that the toppling of Saddam Hussein created the anarchy out of which al-Qaeda in Iraq arose (and then evolved into ISIS), but you have to add to that the hindsight question of where would we be in the world right now if all the money and lives wasted on our frivolous, indulgent war in Iraq had been used to fight terrorism and the situations that inspire it. What if we had set up schools? What if we had hunted terrorists? What if, what if, what if. It is a goddamned waste of time. But to anyone who blames Obama, you gotta fuckin' justify not blaming Bush.
Look, it goes without saying that ultimately, the "blame" for the attacks is squarely on the 8 fucking cunts who shot people and blew themselves up, as well as any other fucking cunts who assisted them in France or Belgium or wherever cuntish religious nuts gather to talk about how much they wanna kill people who aren't cuntish religious nuts like them. But such cunts do not develop in a vacuum. And you can't say that Islam as a religion is what made them such cunts because there are a fuck of a lot of Muslims who are entirely not cunts and just trying to live their lives in ways they hope will make themselves, their families and, perhaps, the world better off, and you're kind of a dick if you condemn all Muslims for the acts of so very, very few.
The goals of the attacks committed by these fucking cunts are simple: scare the shit out of people so that their countries want to go apeshit and blow the shit out of the cunts, thus proving the cunts' cuntish point in the first place, which is something like, "Hey, those assholes in the West wanna kill us. We'll show you by killing some of them and then you'll see." That leads to the fucking cunts' main goal, which is getting more people to become the same fucking cunts that these fucking cunts are. It's a simple equation. Join our death cult, murder a few infidels or Shia or white people, maybe even get to cut off some heads and shit, get blown up either by yourself or by Western nations bombing you. Hose off the sidewalk and start again. How the fuck do you defeat that? How the fuck do you defeat crazy death cults?
(Side note: Once you go down the path of whose apocalyptic death cult is dangerous, you gotta figure in the end times Christians who see uncritical, unimpeded, endless support of Israel as a means to bring about the Rapture. Those motherfuckers are actually in the mainstream of American politics, including at least two people currently running for president: Senator Ted Cruz and Mike Huckabee. So their support of Jewish settlements in the occupied territories throws fuel on a fire that could possibly have been extinguished years ago, all because they want the world to end.)
So you've got options. Sure, sure, you can keep bombing them. You can "kill the bastards," as a hyperactive CNN reporter suggested to President Obama today. But you better be willing to out-savage the savages. The only way that works as a strategy is to go full-bore massacre-machine, making "shock and awe" and the siege of Fallujah back in the Iraq war look like children on a playground. If you've got the bloodlust and the stomach for war crimes and you don't mind the endless murder of civilians and the fact that the nation will never be safe and its citizens will be pariahs around the world, then, sure, hulk out, motherfuckers, and turn a nation or two into radioactive dirt fields. But if you're not gonna do that, then you gotta have another strategy.
See, hindsight might be a waste of time. What's not a waste is learning from the fuck-ups and trying something different. But when it comes to terrorism, Republicans are suggesting the same stupid shit as ever. Send in soldiers. Ban refugees. Fucking closing mosques.
The Rude Pundit doesn't have a solution because he's not dumb enough to pretend he understands this to the point where anything he says is valid. But he knows enough to say that many of the fighters in ISIS are people looking for shit to do in a time and in a region where they had their lives upended by endless wars for at least the last 15 years, thanks primarily to our fuckery in the region. It's a chance to restore a little goddamned meaning and dignity to themselves. They've just chosen the cuntiest possible way to do that.
That means that we need to fight when necessary - although no matter what you do, a half-dozen fucknuts are always going to be able to occasionally slip through your wall or your shield and wreak havoc. But it means a little goddamned mercy goes a long ass way. It means opening ourselves to the refugee tide and offering an experience of the West that is counter to the image that they've been fed in much the same way the West has been fed an image of the Muslim world that's a lie, but it's a lie that gets stronger with every attack and it allows the liars to lie to more people.
Many of the current wave of refugees want to get the hell away from the storm that's engulfed Syria, which includes the crazed violence of the Assad regime and of ISIS. The Republican policy seems to be let's send back the people fleeing bombs so we can bomb them. That's unsustainable. Instead, as Jesse Berney says in Rolling Stone, "[I]f we want a world where terrorists can no longer recruit young people to give their lives to senseless murder, we have to show that the United States is not their enemy. Welcoming those fleeing terror is a critical first step. And rejecting refugees won't keep terrorists determined to attack us from finding a way in."
What happened in Paris is a nightmare. If we once again react with just military might and limitations on the rights of people and ludicrous lashing out at anyone Muslim, then we will be here, perhaps after Assad falls and we once again get rid of a terrible person and unleash chaos, and we'll all be saying the same goddamn things in more goddamned blog posts of recognizing that we fail and fail again and refuse to do something other than fail.
11/13/2015
Donald Trump Is Fucking Insane So He Is Probably Going to Win the Nomination
If we lived in a fair country with a fair media and fair-minded people able to see things fairly, Donald Trump's insane speech last night would be his Howard Dean scream moment. You remember the Howard Dean scream, where a microphone picked up and isolated the Vermont governor's enthusiastic cheerleading to rally a bunch of his voters at a post-primary loss event. Separated from the cheers he was trying to be heard over, his scream sounded like an unhinged parrot having an orgasm. Of course, it more or less ended his campaign for the 2004 Democratic nomination because the media replayed it over and over, seriously questioning Dean's sanity, even though its existence just shows what can happen when you separate a single sound from its context, like a Britney Spears vocal track.
Yesterday, in Iowa, GOP frontrunner and walking advertisement for loudmouthed, barrel-shaped men, Donald Trump, gave a 95-minute speech where he called Iowans and Americans "stupid" for wanting to vote for a pathological, child molesterish madman, which wasn't Trump himself, but Ben Carson. He attacked Carson savagely (and to this viewer's delight), mocking the stories by Carson that he was violent in his youth. You truly need to see that segment of the speech, which includes Trump eye-rolling, yelling, and, finally, as pictured above, trying to get someone to attempt to stab him in the belt buckle to see if the knife will break, as Carson claims happened to him.
And, considering the amount of time Trump spent talking about how amazing and prescient he was about everything, as well as promising to "bomb the shit" out of ISIS (no, really, those quotation marks are needed because he said that), the increasingly mortified and uncomfortable crowd might not have been surprised if Trump had dropped his pants, sat on the ground, pulled his legs back, and started sucking his own dick, pausing only to narrate how great his dick tastes and how everyone should want to suck his dick because it just feels good to have his dick there, jizzing into his throat and swallowing his own cum, triumphantly, before bringing out his daughter for a kiss.
If this isn't the end for Trump, if Fox "news" doesn't play this on an endless loop like it did Dean's scream, then you better be ready, GOP, because it's gonna be Trump or Carson and either way lies a kind of madness and irrelevance.
11/12/2015
Addressing the Real Problems at Mizzou, Not the Fake Ones
The Rude Pundit, being a professor and all (really, tenured and everything), ran into another professor who, it happens, is in media studies. Walking across campus, the prof asked the Rude Pundit what he thought about the incident where University of Missouri communications professor Melissa Click called for "muscle" to block reporters from covering the encampment of anti-racism protesters on the school grounds. "What she did was fucking stupid," he said, "and that's not even getting into the plantation mentality of a white professor demanding mostly black students act violently for her."
The media studies prof agreed. Click was stupid, and as professors, it pained us to see her make herself so much a part of the story. "But," he added, "really she just said something in the heat of the moment that she didn't mean."
The Rude Pundit responded, "Yeah, but that's exactly the kind of thing that some people protest over and make other people lose their jobs." He was referring to incidents where somebody, in a heated moment, says or writes (and sends) something racist or awful.
We also agreed that Click shouldn't lose her job over it. Click has apologized, been stripped of any duties in the journalism department, and will probably keep her position. That's the way this should head. It should go that way for Jenna Basler, a staff member with Student Life at MU, who has also apologized for her interactions with the reporters. People are allowed to say stupid things, and, as long as they do not act on their stupidity in a way that harms others (if, say, Click had failed students who were trying to report on the story), then there is no reason, short of revenge, to force someone out.
This doesn't go for the administrators at MU who resigned. MU President Tim Wolfe fucked up. He ignored real and consequential racist actions on his campus. He ignored students who appealed to him to do something. MU student Jonathan Butler put it this way: "We’ve sent emails, we’ve sent tweets, we’ve messaged but we’ve gotten no response back from the upper officials at Mizzou to really make change on this campus." Let's be honest: the main reason Wolfe resigned is because the football team threatened to boycott a game, which would have cost MU a million bucks in penalties to the NCAA. You can bet the Board of Trustees pretty much told him to get the fuck out or they would fire his ass. But the fact that the situation had gotten so bad that it got the football team, including the coaches, involved is damning enough.
And, let's be honest, again, in addition to Click, everyone involved in the effort to block student journalist Tim Tai from entering the area is pretty much wrong. The organizers were wrong for putting up the signs banning the media. The protesters were wrong to form a human wall around Tai and allowing this whole thing to even occur. Tai was wrong for not backing off and trying to find another angle or report on the blocking of media as the story. MU student Mark Schierbecker wasn't wrong for filming the incident but was totally fucking wrong for filing an assault complaint against Click with MU police department and for saying, after Click personally apologized to him, "[M]y number one priority...is making sure she never teaches ever again."
Students will do stupid shit because they're fucking students. They're brand new adults, really, truly, and they're going to do things to excess. It's the way it goes when you're learning to negotiate the world before you get your sea legs.
We need to be able to separate these excesses from the real issues. The Rude Pundit could very easily tell kids to get off his lawn with their goddamned safe spaces and microaggressions. He could very easily give in to the urge to say these are whining, privileged, PC-clinging delicate flowers. But that's a punk-ass way to deal with some genuine problems that exist underneath the whining. Doing that gets you out of confronting the fucking racists who fucking are to blame for this fucking situation in the first fucking place.
As Tai said in an entirely rational and reasonable tweet, "I'm a little perturbed at being part of the story, so maybe let's focus some more reporting on systemic racism in higher ed institutions." That's the thing: it is so easy to discredit a movement based on its excesses. It is far, far more difficult to take it seriously and make necessary changes. But, at the same time, like it or not, a movement like Concerned Student 1950 needs to be aware of external perceptions (or, you know, "optics," as they say in the PR business) and cognizant of when something is excessive (which, yes, is in the rage-filled eye of the beholder) and those in positions of authority need to fucking know better than the students they need to guide.
One last note: If you're making death threats on anyone involved in any of this, no matter which side you're on, you should have a shit swastika smeared on you.
The media studies prof agreed. Click was stupid, and as professors, it pained us to see her make herself so much a part of the story. "But," he added, "really she just said something in the heat of the moment that she didn't mean."
The Rude Pundit responded, "Yeah, but that's exactly the kind of thing that some people protest over and make other people lose their jobs." He was referring to incidents where somebody, in a heated moment, says or writes (and sends) something racist or awful.
We also agreed that Click shouldn't lose her job over it. Click has apologized, been stripped of any duties in the journalism department, and will probably keep her position. That's the way this should head. It should go that way for Jenna Basler, a staff member with Student Life at MU, who has also apologized for her interactions with the reporters. People are allowed to say stupid things, and, as long as they do not act on their stupidity in a way that harms others (if, say, Click had failed students who were trying to report on the story), then there is no reason, short of revenge, to force someone out.
This doesn't go for the administrators at MU who resigned. MU President Tim Wolfe fucked up. He ignored real and consequential racist actions on his campus. He ignored students who appealed to him to do something. MU student Jonathan Butler put it this way: "We’ve sent emails, we’ve sent tweets, we’ve messaged but we’ve gotten no response back from the upper officials at Mizzou to really make change on this campus." Let's be honest: the main reason Wolfe resigned is because the football team threatened to boycott a game, which would have cost MU a million bucks in penalties to the NCAA. You can bet the Board of Trustees pretty much told him to get the fuck out or they would fire his ass. But the fact that the situation had gotten so bad that it got the football team, including the coaches, involved is damning enough.
And, let's be honest, again, in addition to Click, everyone involved in the effort to block student journalist Tim Tai from entering the area is pretty much wrong. The organizers were wrong for putting up the signs banning the media. The protesters were wrong to form a human wall around Tai and allowing this whole thing to even occur. Tai was wrong for not backing off and trying to find another angle or report on the blocking of media as the story. MU student Mark Schierbecker wasn't wrong for filming the incident but was totally fucking wrong for filing an assault complaint against Click with MU police department and for saying, after Click personally apologized to him, "[M]y number one priority...is making sure she never teaches ever again."
Students will do stupid shit because they're fucking students. They're brand new adults, really, truly, and they're going to do things to excess. It's the way it goes when you're learning to negotiate the world before you get your sea legs.
We need to be able to separate these excesses from the real issues. The Rude Pundit could very easily tell kids to get off his lawn with their goddamned safe spaces and microaggressions. He could very easily give in to the urge to say these are whining, privileged, PC-clinging delicate flowers. But that's a punk-ass way to deal with some genuine problems that exist underneath the whining. Doing that gets you out of confronting the fucking racists who fucking are to blame for this fucking situation in the first fucking place.
As Tai said in an entirely rational and reasonable tweet, "I'm a little perturbed at being part of the story, so maybe let's focus some more reporting on systemic racism in higher ed institutions." That's the thing: it is so easy to discredit a movement based on its excesses. It is far, far more difficult to take it seriously and make necessary changes. But, at the same time, like it or not, a movement like Concerned Student 1950 needs to be aware of external perceptions (or, you know, "optics," as they say in the PR business) and cognizant of when something is excessive (which, yes, is in the rage-filled eye of the beholder) and those in positions of authority need to fucking know better than the students they need to guide.
One last note: If you're making death threats on anyone involved in any of this, no matter which side you're on, you should have a shit swastika smeared on you.
11/11/2015
Random Observations on Last Night's GOP Money Orgy
1. The Rude Pundit's said it before, but it bears saying again: What fucking country were the GOP candidates talking about last night? Because, as ever, each one had the argument that the United States is a scorched hellscape beset by socialist demons just waiting for their full-bosomed queen, Hillary Clinton, to rise up and allow them to suckle at her many teats and only a brave warrior like John Kasich or Carly Fiorina could vanquish the Democratic succubus before she brings an eternity of darkness and unending suffering to the greatest country in the history of everything (except now because, you know, hellscape).
In other words, anything that we might call "reality" barely pierced through the air of manufactured despair conjured by the Republicans on at the main debate on Fox Business Network (motto: "Do you want Lou Dobbs freely roaming the countryside?").
2. Apparently, though, what the Republicans want is a United States where there are no laws. Here's just a partial list of what the candidates want to repeal or cut or get rid of:
A. Rubio: "On the regulatory side I think we need to repeal every rule that Barack Obama has in terms of work in progress, every one of them."
B. Rubio: "The clean power act, we ought to repeal that and -- and start over on that. The waters of the United States act, which is going to be devastating for agriculture and many industries, we should repeal that. We should repeal the rules because the economic costs of this far exceed the social benefit." (It should probably be noted that those two acts don't exist. The Clean Power Plan is an executive order based on a plan that stalled in the Congress in 2005. And the "Waters of the United States" thing is a clarification of a definition in the Clean Water Act, which exists in its current form after being signed by President Nixon.)
C. Fiorina: "Obamacare has to be repealed because it's failing the very people it was intended to help."
D. Rubio: "We need to repeal Dodd-Frank as soon as possible."
E. Paul: "The first thing I would do as president is repeal the regulations that are hampering our energy that the President has put in place, including the Clean Power Act."
This is not to mention all the tax cuts, department eliminations, and more. Basically, the Republicans want to gut everything that keeps the nation safe from polluters, corruption, and predatory capitalism, even minimally, and toss them steaming onto the free enterprise floor. So what they want is anarchy out of which they can create a police state. It's the only logical conclusion.
3. Ben Carson thinks the best time in American economic history is when the country had slaves. No, really: "This country was -- declared its independence in 1776. In less than 100 years, it was the number-one economic power in the world. And the reason was because we had an atmosphere that encouraged entrepreneurial risk- taking and capital investment. Those are the fuels that drive it." His point was something like "Blah, blah, blah, regulations." But for a good three-quarters of that century, the American economy was built on the backs of slaves, an industry that, okay, yeah, was not highly regulated. And, well, shit, you could argue that the Emancipation Proclamation was a job-killing new law. You got us there, Dr. Carson. Go be president of your house now and pledge allegiance to your Klingon Jesus painting.
4. Two "Fuck you, you fucking fucks" moments:
A. Rubio said, passionately, spittily (as he said most things), "The most important job I'm ever going to have, the most important job anyone in this room will ever have, is the job of being a parent. Not the job of being president, or the job of being a senator, or the job of being a congressman." No, fuck you, man. If you're president, the most important job is taking care of everyone else's family, not yours.
B. Fiorina said, passionately, spitefully (as she said most things), "Can I just -- could I just say, as a chief executive who's had to make tough calls to save jobs and to grow jobs..." and then who the fuck cares about what she said because, fuck her, she lost more jobs than she created at HP.
5. A cookie for whoever can tell what the fuck Donald Trump is talking about here in answer to a question about Russian aggression in Ukraine (not "the Ukraine," goddamnit) and Syria: "Well, first of all, it's not only Russia. We have problems with North Korea where they actually have nuclear weapons. You know, nobody talks about it, we talk about Iran, and that's one of the worst deals ever made. One of the worst contracts ever signed, ever, in anything, and it's a disgrace. But, we have somebody over there, a madman, who already has nuclear weapons we don't talk about that. That's a problem.
"China is a problem, both economically in what they're doing in the South China Sea, I mean, they are becoming a very, very major force. So, we have more than just Russia. But, as far as the Ukraine is concerned, and you could Syria -- as far as Syria, I like -- if Putin wants to go in, and I got to know him very well because we were both on 60 Minutes, we were stablemates, and we did very well that night."
What the fuck is that? Stablemates? Is Trump saying that Putin was the stallion and he fucked the filly, Trump? Is that what doing "very well that night" means? Yes. Definitely.
6. If you really think that the length of a law or the number of words in a tax code is a significant issue, you are definitely too fucking dumb to be president, Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina.
7. The scariest thing about the evening is how much spending mattered on everything except when it came to the military. Only Rand Paul stood there and said, more or less, "Goddamn, you're all fucking hypocrites" about the debt. That led craven attention whore Marco Rubio to say, "We can't even have an economy if we're not safe. There are radical jihadist in the Middle East beheading people and crucifying Christians. A radical Shia cleric in Iran trying to get a nuclear weapon, the Chinese taking over the South China Sea..." This came shortly after most of the candidates had scoffed at the idea of raising the minimum wage (to the wild applause of the repellent audience). So the only thing that is worth spending wildly on is the military. Screw health care. Screw infrastructure. Screw it all, man, except blowing shit up.
8. There was a rumor that Jeb Bush was at the debate.
9. Yes, Rubio and Ted Cruz, we get it. Your parents were immigrants. But, you know, if you came from Cuba post-revolution, you were allowed to jump the immigration line because of our paranoia about Castro. So, really, guys, it's dumb fuckin' luck and red-baiting that got your parents in so easily.
10. Mostly, though, at the end of the day, you were just left wondering shit. Like the fact that the destructive fracking boom happened under Obama and helped drop the bottom out of oil prices, yet the candidates talked like Obama was personally punching oil companies in the balls. Or like the fact that jobs have been created, the economy is improving, and we're in a fuck of a lot better position than we were when the last Republican finished up in the White House, yet the candidates acted like Hillary Clinton will declare martial law and force all entrepreneurs into bankruptcy. And not a goddamn one of them had any idea what to do once they repeal the Affordable Care Act (except for Fiorina's legitimately, disturbingly dumb remark about trying the "free market" for health care, as if that wasn't what we had prior to the ACA).
What was clear, though, is that every time one of these truly deranged savages opened their foul mouths, they disqualified themselves from serious consideration for any goddamn political job.
In other words, anything that we might call "reality" barely pierced through the air of manufactured despair conjured by the Republicans on at the main debate on Fox Business Network (motto: "Do you want Lou Dobbs freely roaming the countryside?").
2. Apparently, though, what the Republicans want is a United States where there are no laws. Here's just a partial list of what the candidates want to repeal or cut or get rid of:
A. Rubio: "On the regulatory side I think we need to repeal every rule that Barack Obama has in terms of work in progress, every one of them."
B. Rubio: "The clean power act, we ought to repeal that and -- and start over on that. The waters of the United States act, which is going to be devastating for agriculture and many industries, we should repeal that. We should repeal the rules because the economic costs of this far exceed the social benefit." (It should probably be noted that those two acts don't exist. The Clean Power Plan is an executive order based on a plan that stalled in the Congress in 2005. And the "Waters of the United States" thing is a clarification of a definition in the Clean Water Act, which exists in its current form after being signed by President Nixon.)
C. Fiorina: "Obamacare has to be repealed because it's failing the very people it was intended to help."
D. Rubio: "We need to repeal Dodd-Frank as soon as possible."
E. Paul: "The first thing I would do as president is repeal the regulations that are hampering our energy that the President has put in place, including the Clean Power Act."
This is not to mention all the tax cuts, department eliminations, and more. Basically, the Republicans want to gut everything that keeps the nation safe from polluters, corruption, and predatory capitalism, even minimally, and toss them steaming onto the free enterprise floor. So what they want is anarchy out of which they can create a police state. It's the only logical conclusion.
3. Ben Carson thinks the best time in American economic history is when the country had slaves. No, really: "This country was -- declared its independence in 1776. In less than 100 years, it was the number-one economic power in the world. And the reason was because we had an atmosphere that encouraged entrepreneurial risk- taking and capital investment. Those are the fuels that drive it." His point was something like "Blah, blah, blah, regulations." But for a good three-quarters of that century, the American economy was built on the backs of slaves, an industry that, okay, yeah, was not highly regulated. And, well, shit, you could argue that the Emancipation Proclamation was a job-killing new law. You got us there, Dr. Carson. Go be president of your house now and pledge allegiance to your Klingon Jesus painting.
4. Two "Fuck you, you fucking fucks" moments:
A. Rubio said, passionately, spittily (as he said most things), "The most important job I'm ever going to have, the most important job anyone in this room will ever have, is the job of being a parent. Not the job of being president, or the job of being a senator, or the job of being a congressman." No, fuck you, man. If you're president, the most important job is taking care of everyone else's family, not yours.
B. Fiorina said, passionately, spitefully (as she said most things), "Can I just -- could I just say, as a chief executive who's had to make tough calls to save jobs and to grow jobs..." and then who the fuck cares about what she said because, fuck her, she lost more jobs than she created at HP.
5. A cookie for whoever can tell what the fuck Donald Trump is talking about here in answer to a question about Russian aggression in Ukraine (not "the Ukraine," goddamnit) and Syria: "Well, first of all, it's not only Russia. We have problems with North Korea where they actually have nuclear weapons. You know, nobody talks about it, we talk about Iran, and that's one of the worst deals ever made. One of the worst contracts ever signed, ever, in anything, and it's a disgrace. But, we have somebody over there, a madman, who already has nuclear weapons we don't talk about that. That's a problem.
"China is a problem, both economically in what they're doing in the South China Sea, I mean, they are becoming a very, very major force. So, we have more than just Russia. But, as far as the Ukraine is concerned, and you could Syria -- as far as Syria, I like -- if Putin wants to go in, and I got to know him very well because we were both on 60 Minutes, we were stablemates, and we did very well that night."
What the fuck is that? Stablemates? Is Trump saying that Putin was the stallion and he fucked the filly, Trump? Is that what doing "very well that night" means? Yes. Definitely.
6. If you really think that the length of a law or the number of words in a tax code is a significant issue, you are definitely too fucking dumb to be president, Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina.
7. The scariest thing about the evening is how much spending mattered on everything except when it came to the military. Only Rand Paul stood there and said, more or less, "Goddamn, you're all fucking hypocrites" about the debt. That led craven attention whore Marco Rubio to say, "We can't even have an economy if we're not safe. There are radical jihadist in the Middle East beheading people and crucifying Christians. A radical Shia cleric in Iran trying to get a nuclear weapon, the Chinese taking over the South China Sea..." This came shortly after most of the candidates had scoffed at the idea of raising the minimum wage (to the wild applause of the repellent audience). So the only thing that is worth spending wildly on is the military. Screw health care. Screw infrastructure. Screw it all, man, except blowing shit up.
8. There was a rumor that Jeb Bush was at the debate.
9. Yes, Rubio and Ted Cruz, we get it. Your parents were immigrants. But, you know, if you came from Cuba post-revolution, you were allowed to jump the immigration line because of our paranoia about Castro. So, really, guys, it's dumb fuckin' luck and red-baiting that got your parents in so easily.
10. Mostly, though, at the end of the day, you were just left wondering shit. Like the fact that the destructive fracking boom happened under Obama and helped drop the bottom out of oil prices, yet the candidates talked like Obama was personally punching oil companies in the balls. Or like the fact that jobs have been created, the economy is improving, and we're in a fuck of a lot better position than we were when the last Republican finished up in the White House, yet the candidates acted like Hillary Clinton will declare martial law and force all entrepreneurs into bankruptcy. And not a goddamn one of them had any idea what to do once they repeal the Affordable Care Act (except for Fiorina's legitimately, disturbingly dumb remark about trying the "free market" for health care, as if that wasn't what we had prior to the ACA).
What was clear, though, is that every time one of these truly deranged savages opened their foul mouths, they disqualified themselves from serious consideration for any goddamn political job.
11/10/2015
In Brief: Ted Cruz Doesn't Think You Should Be President If You Don't Give Head Every Morning
The Rude Pundit is not making this up. Creepy ass Ted Cruz, senator from Texas, GOP presidential candidate, said last Friday, "Any president who doesn't begin every day on his knees isn't fit to be commander-in-chief of this country." So apparently, the fellatio and/or cunnilingus abilities of the president must be top-notch, the knees strong, the mouth muscles pliant, the lips moist, in order for Ted Cruz to allow that person to go tell troops where to kill Muslims.
Cruz was speaking at the National Religious Liberties Conference, which strangely didn't have much to do with the liberty of any other religion than Christianity, in Who the fuck Cares, Iowa (let's say, "Des Moines"). He had been asked, no, really, if presidential candidates should "submit to Jesus Christ." That's right. You've gotta be the submissive of Christ, like in a BDSM relationship. And that zombie motherfucker knows something about flogging.
By the way, the guy doing the asking was Pastor Kevin Swanson, a sucker of goat cock and the head of a group that, in other times, we'd call a "cult." Earlier in the day, Swanson had said that, if one of his sons said he was gay and invited dear ol' Daddy to his gay wedding of gayness, he'd put "sackcloth and ashes at the entrance to the church and I'd sit in cow manure and I'd spread it all over my body." That's strangely how the Rude Pundit feels whenever he goes to church. Really, the only question left is if Swanson is secretly gay, secretly fucking other women, or secretly fondling children.
As for Cruz, he implored the crowd to get out and vote, saying that too many evangelicals stayed home in 2012 (because fuck that Mormon, man). "Is it any wonder the federal government is waging a war on life, on marriage, on religious liberty when Christians are staying home and our leaders are being elected by nonbelievers?" he pondered. By "war," Cruz means, "Not doing everything to make LGBT Americans miserable."
Swanson topped that bullshit, though. He said, and the Rude Pundit has to remind you that this is a real thing said by a real adult person in real seriousness and taken seriously by an audience of real adult people, "[I]t would be better for them that a millstone be hanged around their neck and they be drowned at the bottom of sea." The "them" in that sentence is children, who should be drowned rather than read or watch Harry Potter, which will turn you gay. That led to this hysterical (in both senses of the word) line: "America, repent of Harry Potter. America, repent of How To Train Your Dragon" because both have gay characters.
Well, at least the president will be too busy, down on his or her knees, just sucking off or eating out, to be concerned about the gayification of children.
Cruz was speaking at the National Religious Liberties Conference, which strangely didn't have much to do with the liberty of any other religion than Christianity, in Who the fuck Cares, Iowa (let's say, "Des Moines"). He had been asked, no, really, if presidential candidates should "submit to Jesus Christ." That's right. You've gotta be the submissive of Christ, like in a BDSM relationship. And that zombie motherfucker knows something about flogging.
By the way, the guy doing the asking was Pastor Kevin Swanson, a sucker of goat cock and the head of a group that, in other times, we'd call a "cult." Earlier in the day, Swanson had said that, if one of his sons said he was gay and invited dear ol' Daddy to his gay wedding of gayness, he'd put "sackcloth and ashes at the entrance to the church and I'd sit in cow manure and I'd spread it all over my body." That's strangely how the Rude Pundit feels whenever he goes to church. Really, the only question left is if Swanson is secretly gay, secretly fucking other women, or secretly fondling children.
As for Cruz, he implored the crowd to get out and vote, saying that too many evangelicals stayed home in 2012 (because fuck that Mormon, man). "Is it any wonder the federal government is waging a war on life, on marriage, on religious liberty when Christians are staying home and our leaders are being elected by nonbelievers?" he pondered. By "war," Cruz means, "Not doing everything to make LGBT Americans miserable."
Swanson topped that bullshit, though. He said, and the Rude Pundit has to remind you that this is a real thing said by a real adult person in real seriousness and taken seriously by an audience of real adult people, "[I]t would be better for them that a millstone be hanged around their neck and they be drowned at the bottom of sea." The "them" in that sentence is children, who should be drowned rather than read or watch Harry Potter, which will turn you gay. That led to this hysterical (in both senses of the word) line: "America, repent of Harry Potter. America, repent of How To Train Your Dragon" because both have gay characters.
Well, at least the president will be too busy, down on his or her knees, just sucking off or eating out, to be concerned about the gayification of children.
Watch the GOP Debate Tonight with the Rude Pundit as Your Ear Buddy
Yep, yep, yep. The whiskey is ready and the audio works fine. The Rude Pundit, along with compadre Jeff Kreisler, will be mocking their asses off tonight during the GOP debate tonight on Fox Business Channel (motto: "Neil Cavuto Is Probably High").
Join us on Rabble.tv. If you sign up for free, you can send us comments throughout the evening. If you don't like free commenting, you can just fuckin' listen. There's also an app. It's America in the 21st century, goddamnit. There's always an app.
We'll be on at 9 p.m. ET/6 p.m. PT for the big kids debate, not the one before where Mike Huckabee will be trying to make Chris Christie squeal like a pig or vice versa.
Watch the debate on yer TVs and tune us in on your computers or phones or pads or doohickeys or whatzits. It'll be like the Rude Pundit's whiskey breath is cooing in your ears, talking about Ben Carson floating through the air to Stabbyland.
Listen in.
Join us on Rabble.tv. If you sign up for free, you can send us comments throughout the evening. If you don't like free commenting, you can just fuckin' listen. There's also an app. It's America in the 21st century, goddamnit. There's always an app.
We'll be on at 9 p.m. ET/6 p.m. PT for the big kids debate, not the one before where Mike Huckabee will be trying to make Chris Christie squeal like a pig or vice versa.
Watch the debate on yer TVs and tune us in on your computers or phones or pads or doohickeys or whatzits. It'll be like the Rude Pundit's whiskey breath is cooing in your ears, talking about Ben Carson floating through the air to Stabbyland.
Listen in.
11/09/2015
The Racist Hypocrisy of Ben Carson's Supporters
In Detroit, just this past June, a 14-year-old boy was arrested for intent to murder and felonious assault. The teenager, upset about something, fired a weapon in his home and injured his mom. While he could be tried as a juvenile, he might be "sentenced as an adult" or be given a "blended" juvenile and adult sentence.
In Flint, Michigan, just down the road, in April, a 14-year-old boy was arrested for assaulting his mother while she was driving them somewhere. The kid had pulled his mom's hair and tried to grab the steering wheel of the car.
Just last month, in Mercerburg, Pennsylvania, a 14-year-old stabbed his classmate in the stomach. He was arrested for attempted homicide.
All three of these 14-year-olds have faced the American criminal justice system. All three probably ended up doing at least some time in juvenile detention, with the possibility that they may also face some time in an adult prison.
Now let's take GOP presidential candidate Ben Carson at his word, just for the sake of making a point here, and accept his stories as true. By his own admission, at 14, growing up in Detroit, Carson not only stabbed at a kid/family member, but the knife broke on the victim's belt buckle. Prior to that, he had a history. He said, "As a teenager, I would go after people with rocks, and bricks, and baseball bats, and hammers." That hammer incident, by the way, was his mother's head. In other words, really, when you get right down to it, except for one literal lucky break, Carson really isn't that different than the 14 year-olds listed above, except for having the good fortune to have grown up in the 1960s, pre-mandatory minimums and 3 strikes and the like. (By the way, the Rude Pundit's just scratching the surface of non-sexual assaults that 14-year-olds committed, including attacks with bricks, rocks, and baseball bats).
For decades, we've been told by conservatives that youths like teenage Ben Carson were monsters who needed to be taken out of the population and imprisoned. The right is quick to look at black youths, especially, as unrepentant criminals, deserving of whatever punishment is meted out by a cop on the spot, a la Michael Brown, or by a justice system that charges them as adults and puts them in penitentiaries with grown-up convicts. And the criminal justice system is willing, especially on a state and local level, to put kids in the adult prison population for crimes like theft or assault. (This doesn't even get into the school-to-prison pipeline that has been caused by the privatization of prisons, unfounded hysteria about youth crime, craven politicians looking for easy targets, and corrupt judges.)
But when it comes to Ben Carson, conservatives see in him someone who has overcome a violent past to be a leader in their movement (whatever that movement is anymore). Todd Starnes, in a column with the overwrought title, "The Media's Lynching of Ben Carson," summarizes this ability to overlook the very things that cause conservatives to condemn a generation of youths to a revolving door of prison and parole: "Ultimately, Dr. Carson's life story is not about condemnation -- it's about redemption." Well, no shit.
In the National Review, David French calls Carson, "An admirable though imperfect man who rose from abject poverty to the pinnacle of one of the most challenging professions in the nation — all while never forgetting his roots, maintaining grace and humility even as he earned riches and honors." Pre-presidential race, many more on the right were equally orgasmic in their praise of Carson.
If Carson is telling the truth about his youth, he should be the shining example of how forgiveness, rehabilitation, and social justice policies can turn around the lives of lots of black kids in abject poverty who have the same rage Carson says he had.
You can't support Ben Carson and support the savage nature way this nation deals with youth crime. Unless, obviously, you're conservative and just couldn't give a rat's ass about your own hypocrisy. You didn't have to deal with teenage Ben Carson. You only get to kiss his ass now that he's made it and shares your corrupted beliefs.
In Flint, Michigan, just down the road, in April, a 14-year-old boy was arrested for assaulting his mother while she was driving them somewhere. The kid had pulled his mom's hair and tried to grab the steering wheel of the car.
Just last month, in Mercerburg, Pennsylvania, a 14-year-old stabbed his classmate in the stomach. He was arrested for attempted homicide.
All three of these 14-year-olds have faced the American criminal justice system. All three probably ended up doing at least some time in juvenile detention, with the possibility that they may also face some time in an adult prison.
Now let's take GOP presidential candidate Ben Carson at his word, just for the sake of making a point here, and accept his stories as true. By his own admission, at 14, growing up in Detroit, Carson not only stabbed at a kid/family member, but the knife broke on the victim's belt buckle. Prior to that, he had a history. He said, "As a teenager, I would go after people with rocks, and bricks, and baseball bats, and hammers." That hammer incident, by the way, was his mother's head. In other words, really, when you get right down to it, except for one literal lucky break, Carson really isn't that different than the 14 year-olds listed above, except for having the good fortune to have grown up in the 1960s, pre-mandatory minimums and 3 strikes and the like. (By the way, the Rude Pundit's just scratching the surface of non-sexual assaults that 14-year-olds committed, including attacks with bricks, rocks, and baseball bats).
For decades, we've been told by conservatives that youths like teenage Ben Carson were monsters who needed to be taken out of the population and imprisoned. The right is quick to look at black youths, especially, as unrepentant criminals, deserving of whatever punishment is meted out by a cop on the spot, a la Michael Brown, or by a justice system that charges them as adults and puts them in penitentiaries with grown-up convicts. And the criminal justice system is willing, especially on a state and local level, to put kids in the adult prison population for crimes like theft or assault. (This doesn't even get into the school-to-prison pipeline that has been caused by the privatization of prisons, unfounded hysteria about youth crime, craven politicians looking for easy targets, and corrupt judges.)
But when it comes to Ben Carson, conservatives see in him someone who has overcome a violent past to be a leader in their movement (whatever that movement is anymore). Todd Starnes, in a column with the overwrought title, "The Media's Lynching of Ben Carson," summarizes this ability to overlook the very things that cause conservatives to condemn a generation of youths to a revolving door of prison and parole: "Ultimately, Dr. Carson's life story is not about condemnation -- it's about redemption." Well, no shit.
In the National Review, David French calls Carson, "An admirable though imperfect man who rose from abject poverty to the pinnacle of one of the most challenging professions in the nation — all while never forgetting his roots, maintaining grace and humility even as he earned riches and honors." Pre-presidential race, many more on the right were equally orgasmic in their praise of Carson.
If Carson is telling the truth about his youth, he should be the shining example of how forgiveness, rehabilitation, and social justice policies can turn around the lives of lots of black kids in abject poverty who have the same rage Carson says he had.
You can't support Ben Carson and support the savage nature way this nation deals with youth crime. Unless, obviously, you're conservative and just couldn't give a rat's ass about your own hypocrisy. You didn't have to deal with teenage Ben Carson. You only get to kiss his ass now that he's made it and shares your corrupted beliefs.
11/06/2015
The Epically Awful New Donald Trump Radio Ads (and Other Stuff)
Yes, yes, we're all caught up in whether or not Ben Carson stabbed a guy 40 or 50 years ago or whether or not the pyramids were made by aliens so the amazing technicolor dreamcoat guy could store grain (teach the controversy, people). And perhaps we're talking about how Chris Christie, once the man destined to smite all other candidates, has been outbullied on the campaign trail and now has to sit at the kids' table at the next GOP debate on November 10.
But let us pause to recognize that the man who out-assholed Christie, Donald Trump, just released his first radio ads, and they are so epically awful that they sound like some YouTube smartass's parodies of Trump ads.
In one of the two commercials, Trump himself does the talking over royalty-free generic patriotic music. Sounding for all the world like every male used car dealer in the Northeast, Trump makes grand pronouncements about how unbelievably amazing his America will be. "The fact is," Trump says, "I'm going to make the greatest trade deals we've ever made in our country." Obviously, the meaning of the word "fact" doesn't matter here.
He goes on, "I'll...make our military so strong that nobody will mess with us." Just like no one ever messed with us during Reagan or Bush II's presidencies, except for all those times they messed with us (note: we've had the strongest military in the world for some time. We're still messed with).
"People of Iowa, vote for me and you'll never be disappointed," he assures us. "I don't disappoint people." He might have followed that up with "Except for a few ex-wives and the employees at my businesses that went bankrupt and all those chumps who paid to go to Trump University, but none of them are real people like you people of Iowa."
The second one features a woman's voice and, if possible, is even more obnoxious. Trump "will stop illegal immigration and drug trafficking by building a wall on our southern border," she says, "and he will make Mexico pay for it." It sounds like there's an implied "or else" in there.
Even more violent, she informs us, "Donald Trump will protect Israel and brutally and quickly cut the head off of ISIS." Has anyone running for president ever promised brutality? That's kind of fucked up right there. What does he mean by "brutally"? Is it "Trump will cut their throats in front of their children after raping their wives"? Is it "Donald Trump will bomb even more recklessly than we are bombing right now and will bathe in the gore of our enemies"?
Well, either way, "It's time to make America great again, maybe greater than ever before," she promises, as if saying, "He won't fuck up the progress we've made so far" because, let's face it, in terms of progress of rights, peace in the nation, crime, and lots of other measures, America is greater than ever before right now. In fact, except for a few times, generally brought on by Republican policies, America is always greater than it was, if for no other reason than medicine and technology and other shit that makes life better.
The tone of the ads suggests a guy who can fuck shit up when, really, Trump is just a pampered rich punk with the voice of every egotistical street corner dickhead. That second ad says that he "learned the values of hard work, determination, and faith at an early age." Nowadays, Trump says that he got a "a small loan" of a million bucks from his dad to start his business career. It was actually $9.6 million, according Trump in a 2007 deposition. Hard work and daddy's cash, just like Americans love.
What does it matter? Trump will make America great again. He says so. His hats say so. His ads say so. Brutally.
Other stuff: Two things came up while the Rude Pundit was writing this.
First, President Obama finally, at long last killed the Keystone XL pipeline, announcing it with as simple a response to his critics as he's ever mustered during his presidency: "So while our politics have been consumed by a debate over whether or not this pipeline would create jobs and lower gas prices, we’ve gone ahead and created jobs and lowered gas prices." Yup, pretty much. And, of course, Republicans are going full-blown rage monster about it. Next Tuesday's debate will be fun.
And we learned that the liberal media prevented Ben Carson from telling the truth about getting a full scholarship to West Point. Turns out, he never even applied. In an ordinary election cycle, his campaign would be over and he'd go on the Secular Progressives Suck speaking tour he's destined for. But, shit, this time around, he'll probably say baby Jesus forgave him and his poll numbers will go up.
Correction: A previous version said that the Joseph that Carson refers to was Jesus's stepdad. Wrong testament. It has been corrected. Thanks to rude reader Patrick B. for keeping him holy.
But let us pause to recognize that the man who out-assholed Christie, Donald Trump, just released his first radio ads, and they are so epically awful that they sound like some YouTube smartass's parodies of Trump ads.
In one of the two commercials, Trump himself does the talking over royalty-free generic patriotic music. Sounding for all the world like every male used car dealer in the Northeast, Trump makes grand pronouncements about how unbelievably amazing his America will be. "The fact is," Trump says, "I'm going to make the greatest trade deals we've ever made in our country." Obviously, the meaning of the word "fact" doesn't matter here.
He goes on, "I'll...make our military so strong that nobody will mess with us." Just like no one ever messed with us during Reagan or Bush II's presidencies, except for all those times they messed with us (note: we've had the strongest military in the world for some time. We're still messed with).
"People of Iowa, vote for me and you'll never be disappointed," he assures us. "I don't disappoint people." He might have followed that up with "Except for a few ex-wives and the employees at my businesses that went bankrupt and all those chumps who paid to go to Trump University, but none of them are real people like you people of Iowa."
The second one features a woman's voice and, if possible, is even more obnoxious. Trump "will stop illegal immigration and drug trafficking by building a wall on our southern border," she says, "and he will make Mexico pay for it." It sounds like there's an implied "or else" in there.
Even more violent, she informs us, "Donald Trump will protect Israel and brutally and quickly cut the head off of ISIS." Has anyone running for president ever promised brutality? That's kind of fucked up right there. What does he mean by "brutally"? Is it "Trump will cut their throats in front of their children after raping their wives"? Is it "Donald Trump will bomb even more recklessly than we are bombing right now and will bathe in the gore of our enemies"?
Well, either way, "It's time to make America great again, maybe greater than ever before," she promises, as if saying, "He won't fuck up the progress we've made so far" because, let's face it, in terms of progress of rights, peace in the nation, crime, and lots of other measures, America is greater than ever before right now. In fact, except for a few times, generally brought on by Republican policies, America is always greater than it was, if for no other reason than medicine and technology and other shit that makes life better.
The tone of the ads suggests a guy who can fuck shit up when, really, Trump is just a pampered rich punk with the voice of every egotistical street corner dickhead. That second ad says that he "learned the values of hard work, determination, and faith at an early age." Nowadays, Trump says that he got a "a small loan" of a million bucks from his dad to start his business career. It was actually $9.6 million, according Trump in a 2007 deposition. Hard work and daddy's cash, just like Americans love.
What does it matter? Trump will make America great again. He says so. His hats say so. His ads say so. Brutally.
Other stuff: Two things came up while the Rude Pundit was writing this.
First, President Obama finally, at long last killed the Keystone XL pipeline, announcing it with as simple a response to his critics as he's ever mustered during his presidency: "So while our politics have been consumed by a debate over whether or not this pipeline would create jobs and lower gas prices, we’ve gone ahead and created jobs and lowered gas prices." Yup, pretty much. And, of course, Republicans are going full-blown rage monster about it. Next Tuesday's debate will be fun.
And we learned that the liberal media prevented Ben Carson from telling the truth about getting a full scholarship to West Point. Turns out, he never even applied. In an ordinary election cycle, his campaign would be over and he'd go on the Secular Progressives Suck speaking tour he's destined for. But, shit, this time around, he'll probably say baby Jesus forgave him and his poll numbers will go up.
Correction: A previous version said that the Joseph that Carson refers to was Jesus's stepdad. Wrong testament. It has been corrected. Thanks to rude reader Patrick B. for keeping him holy.
11/05/2015
In Brief: Hillary Clinton's Embarrassing Love Note to Israel
Everyone knows that in order to be elected to any national position in the United States, you must pledge allegiance to Israel. Indeed, we have seen times when politicians try to top each other with how much they love Israel.
By the end of the whole embarrassing piece, you can't help but think, "Damn, why don't you and Israel get a room, Hillary?"
Look this ain't about What Should Be Done to End the Violence. It's about a presidential candidate feeling like she has to take a knee to bow down to Israel, and this is not to mention the expansive pro-Israel promises of the slavering lapdogs of the GOP. Is there any other country that demands this of the U.S.? Is there any other country that our leaders and presumptive leaders demand be treated this way? No. It's a fuckin' rhetorical hostage situation that our politicians should feel free to escape from.
"I love Israel so much that I'd let Benjamin Netanyahu blow his load in my face after I was done sucking him off," some Democrat might say.
Inevitably, the Republican will come along and say, "That just proves you hate Israel. I'd tell Bibi Netanyahu, my good friend who loves to give me the bone on Passover, that he could fuck me in the ass and I'd still lick his dick clean."
Pretty soon, there's felching, a rusty trombone, and maybe even a strawberry shortcake before it's all over. Everyone's left sticky, exhausted, and not even a little ashamed because, goddamnit, they have to show voters that Israel matters more than anything else in the world.
So the Rude Pundit read with dismay Democratic candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's mash note to Israel, the Israeli people, and its president. The 20th anniversary of the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin is "an opportunity to reaffirm the unbreakable bonds of friendship and unity between the people and governments of the United States and Israel." Then she goes on about how she visited Israel in 1981, how "Bill and I fell in love with Jerusalem as we walked the ancient streets of the Old City. Even amid all the history and traditions, it was a city pulsing with life and energy."
By the end of the whole embarrassing piece, you can't help but think, "Damn, why don't you and Israel get a room, Hillary?"
Look this ain't about What Should Be Done to End the Violence. It's about a presidential candidate feeling like she has to take a knee to bow down to Israel, and this is not to mention the expansive pro-Israel promises of the slavering lapdogs of the GOP. Is there any other country that demands this of the U.S.? Is there any other country that our leaders and presumptive leaders demand be treated this way? No. It's a fuckin' rhetorical hostage situation that our politicians should feel free to escape from.
11/04/2015
Kentucky Maps That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Drink Moonshine Until He's Blind
Check this out. It's a map of the state of Kentucky, with its counties featured.
The ones in blue voted for Democrat Jack Conway in yesterday's gubernatorial election. The ones in red voted for Republican Matt Bevin. Even though those blue counties have the cities, Bevin still won because, well, look at all that red. 106 out of 120 counties went for Bevin who campaigned, among other things, on rolling back the Affordable Care Act's state Medicaid expansion that has given 400,000 Kentuckians health care. Oh, and he doesn't want the queers to get married, among other ultra-conservative stands.
Those beliefs are what bring us to this map of the state of Kentucky, with its counties featured.
You see those counties there in the east and southeast parts of the state? The ones that are deep, dark brown? Those counties have at least 60% of their citizens on Medicaid, many of them recently signed up through the Medicaid expansion that Gov. Steve Beshear gave them through an executive order. The ones just a shade lighter have at least 50% of their citizens on Medicaid. Yet nearly everyone of those counties, save Floyd and Wolfe, voted for the man who said he would take away their medical care.
Now, you can make a case that the turnout was just 30.7% of voters, so that means only 16% of Kentucky voters actually, actively supported Bevin. And that's a valid argument that might make you feel good (as it has the Rude Pundit in the past) but does nothing to save the lives of people who might very well be looking at life without the ability to go to the doctor.
Clay County is one of the darkest of the areas up there. It is so dirt poor that there's no one to rob to get money for meth. Yet 71% of voters yesterday went for the candidate who has said he would make their lives worse.
So people who have less than nothing would rather have their cancer go untreated than take Medicaid from a Negro or allow two people of the same sex to get married. That is about as delusional and pathetic as it gets and, frankly, so gut-level, depressingly dumb that, on his crueler days, the Rude Pundit thinks it'd be just fine for them all to get sick and die and raise the intelligence of the species just a bit. Hell, they pretty much just admitted that they're cool with that.
But here's the thing: The country will not move forward without an appeal to the gut-level stupid. Forget the fucked-in-the-brain-by-religion crowd. They're out of reach. But there is a contingent of the rural poor that can be reached and can be brought into the fold. It's just been too long without any real effort to do so, not during the Reagan or Bush or Clinton or Bush II years and not as much as needed during the Obama administration.
Sure, it'd be easy to say, "Well, let 'em freeze to death in a ditch with their single tooth." Except for shit like this very election, shit that keeps happening, that happened in 2014, too, shit that has an effect on the House of Representatives, for instance.
That has to do with the lives of you and, more importantly, the Rude Pundit. The stupid people aren't going away. We just haven't figured out how to make them less stupid.
Those beliefs are what bring us to this map of the state of Kentucky, with its counties featured.
Now, you can make a case that the turnout was just 30.7% of voters, so that means only 16% of Kentucky voters actually, actively supported Bevin. And that's a valid argument that might make you feel good (as it has the Rude Pundit in the past) but does nothing to save the lives of people who might very well be looking at life without the ability to go to the doctor.
Clay County is one of the darkest of the areas up there. It is so dirt poor that there's no one to rob to get money for meth. Yet 71% of voters yesterday went for the candidate who has said he would make their lives worse.
So people who have less than nothing would rather have their cancer go untreated than take Medicaid from a Negro or allow two people of the same sex to get married. That is about as delusional and pathetic as it gets and, frankly, so gut-level, depressingly dumb that, on his crueler days, the Rude Pundit thinks it'd be just fine for them all to get sick and die and raise the intelligence of the species just a bit. Hell, they pretty much just admitted that they're cool with that.
But here's the thing: The country will not move forward without an appeal to the gut-level stupid. Forget the fucked-in-the-brain-by-religion crowd. They're out of reach. But there is a contingent of the rural poor that can be reached and can be brought into the fold. It's just been too long without any real effort to do so, not during the Reagan or Bush or Clinton or Bush II years and not as much as needed during the Obama administration.
Sure, it'd be easy to say, "Well, let 'em freeze to death in a ditch with their single tooth." Except for shit like this very election, shit that keeps happening, that happened in 2014, too, shit that has an effect on the House of Representatives, for instance.
That has to do with the lives of you and, more importantly, the Rude Pundit. The stupid people aren't going away. We just haven't figured out how to make them less stupid.
11/03/2015
Republican Candidates Are Goddamn Titty Babies About the Debates (Part 2: Titty Babies Suckling)
We can probably all agree that the Republican candidates running for president are, with some exceptions, whiny-ass titty babies, screaming for more titty even if they just got fed. If they ain't got a mouthful of nipple, then they are gonna throw a fit. The idea that they would get together to demand better treatment from the corporate-owned networks and newspapers hosting their debates is not unlike a group of first-graders forming a More Individual Hamster Time PAC. And the things that many of the candidates agreed on are hilariously petty.
For example, the candidates don't want you to know that they do, in fact, have to piss and shit. In a letter drafted by Republican lawyer Ben Ginsberg (also known as the pig fucker who was George W. Bush's lead counsel in 2000), the networks are told not to "describe how far away the bathrooms are." Why? Because we'd then know if Jeb Bush is taking an epic flop dump after getting spanked by Trump and Rubio? Or we'd know that Ben Carson is probably shooting up back there while John Kasich does rails of Adderall off the toilet seat?
The absurdity continues. In order for candidates to decide if they want to participate, the debate organizers must answer a bunch of questions, like "Will you commit to provide equal time/an equal number of questions of equal quality (substance as opposed to 'gotcha' or frivolous) to each candidate?" or "Are you running promo ads before the debate about your moderator(s)?" So no more questions like "Hey, Marco Rubio, your tax plan numbers don't add up. The fuck?" Instead, it's got to be more like "Would you tell us about your tax plan? And while you're answering, I will be licking your anus for proper stimulation."
Meanwhile, Donald Trump has decided to tell the other candidates to go fuck themselves and is negotiating on his own with the networks because, hey, he's a negotiator. To be fair, Chris Christie, Carly Fiorina, and John "Shaky" Kasich have all said that the candidates should stop being such pussies about the whole process.
But titty babies want that titty, so we get things like Fiorina supporting Glenn Beck as a debate moderator. Tweeted the failed CEO, "Let's have a conservative network host a debate!" Apparently, the fact that Fox "news" and Fox Business are hosting three debates doesn't count (not to mention capitalist penis cozy CNBC). Or there's Ted Cruz, apparently with no understanding of what a journalist is, saying, "How about instead of a bunch of attack journalists, we actually have real journalists?" And his suggestions for those "real" journalists are Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, and Sean Hannity, which means that Ted Cruz thinks that the most cravenly biased talk show hosts are objective reporters.
Jesus, at least just say, "You know what? I'm tired of people asking questions that make us defend ourselves. I want conservative spoogebuckets who will ask us things like 'Do you hate Obamacare a lot, a whole lot, or so much that you can't even?'"
At this point, even Fox "news" is mocking the candidates for their childish demands. "Maybe like a foot massage?" a sneering Megyn Kelly sneered and sneeringly suggested while discussing the list. By the way, the letter didn't apply to the Fox Business debate next week because the GOP is "afraid to make Roger [Ailes] mad."
All politicians get asked shitty questions during debates. Often, those shitty questions have quite a bit of truth in them. To pretend like you somehow are different than every other candidate who has ever run from president when it comes to shitty questions is to reveal a cowardice about situations you cannot control. And, as President Obama said last night, "Let me tell you, if you can't handle those guys [at the debates], then I don't think the Chinese and the Russians are going to be too worried about you."
Maybe some network will be brave enough to slap the titty out of the titty babies' mouths and tell the candidates, "Suck a sack of dog dicks," cancel the debates, and ban them from their news programs until they're begging for airtime. It ain't likely. But, then again, who'd've thought we'd still be talking about Trump? All bets are off this election.
For example, the candidates don't want you to know that they do, in fact, have to piss and shit. In a letter drafted by Republican lawyer Ben Ginsberg (also known as the pig fucker who was George W. Bush's lead counsel in 2000), the networks are told not to "describe how far away the bathrooms are." Why? Because we'd then know if Jeb Bush is taking an epic flop dump after getting spanked by Trump and Rubio? Or we'd know that Ben Carson is probably shooting up back there while John Kasich does rails of Adderall off the toilet seat?
The absurdity continues. In order for candidates to decide if they want to participate, the debate organizers must answer a bunch of questions, like "Will you commit to provide equal time/an equal number of questions of equal quality (substance as opposed to 'gotcha' or frivolous) to each candidate?" or "Are you running promo ads before the debate about your moderator(s)?" So no more questions like "Hey, Marco Rubio, your tax plan numbers don't add up. The fuck?" Instead, it's got to be more like "Would you tell us about your tax plan? And while you're answering, I will be licking your anus for proper stimulation."
Meanwhile, Donald Trump has decided to tell the other candidates to go fuck themselves and is negotiating on his own with the networks because, hey, he's a negotiator. To be fair, Chris Christie, Carly Fiorina, and John "Shaky" Kasich have all said that the candidates should stop being such pussies about the whole process.
But titty babies want that titty, so we get things like Fiorina supporting Glenn Beck as a debate moderator. Tweeted the failed CEO, "Let's have a conservative network host a debate!" Apparently, the fact that Fox "news" and Fox Business are hosting three debates doesn't count (not to mention capitalist penis cozy CNBC). Or there's Ted Cruz, apparently with no understanding of what a journalist is, saying, "How about instead of a bunch of attack journalists, we actually have real journalists?" And his suggestions for those "real" journalists are Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, and Sean Hannity, which means that Ted Cruz thinks that the most cravenly biased talk show hosts are objective reporters.
Jesus, at least just say, "You know what? I'm tired of people asking questions that make us defend ourselves. I want conservative spoogebuckets who will ask us things like 'Do you hate Obamacare a lot, a whole lot, or so much that you can't even?'"
At this point, even Fox "news" is mocking the candidates for their childish demands. "Maybe like a foot massage?" a sneering Megyn Kelly sneered and sneeringly suggested while discussing the list. By the way, the letter didn't apply to the Fox Business debate next week because the GOP is "afraid to make Roger [Ailes] mad."
All politicians get asked shitty questions during debates. Often, those shitty questions have quite a bit of truth in them. To pretend like you somehow are different than every other candidate who has ever run from president when it comes to shitty questions is to reveal a cowardice about situations you cannot control. And, as President Obama said last night, "Let me tell you, if you can't handle those guys [at the debates], then I don't think the Chinese and the Russians are going to be too worried about you."
Maybe some network will be brave enough to slap the titty out of the titty babies' mouths and tell the candidates, "Suck a sack of dog dicks," cancel the debates, and ban them from their news programs until they're begging for airtime. It ain't likely. But, then again, who'd've thought we'd still be talking about Trump? All bets are off this election.
11/02/2015
Republican Candidates Are Goddamn Titty Babies About the Debates (Part 1: History Old and New)
Check this out. It's a question to Democratic candidate Jimmy Carter during a debate with President Gerald Ford in October 1976: "Governor, by all indications, the voters are so turned off by this election campaign so far that only half intend to vote. One major reason for this apathetic electorate appears to be the low level at which this campaign has been conducted. It has digressed frequently from important issues into allegations of blunder and brainwashing and fixations on lust and Playboy. What responsibility do you accept for the low level of this campaign for the nation's highest office?"
That's a fucked up question right there. It alludes to Carter's interview with Playboy magazine, when it was still filled with nekkid womens, and Carter saying that he had committed "adultery in my heart many times" (which really just means, "Yeah, I've looked at hot people and thought, 'Damn, I'd totally tap that.'" Who among us cannot say the same?). The questioner was Robert Maynard, a barrier-breaking African American journalist and Washington Post columnist who would later own the Oakland Tribune and lead it to a Pulitzer Prize.
And what did Carter do? Did he get all huffy and bloviate about how questions like that have nothing to do with the campaign and how dare Maynard ask it and what the hell is it with all these liberal journalists and their "gotcha" questions? No, he didn't. He answered the fucking question, which is what you do. Carter talked about the disenchantment with public officials post-Watergate and then he said that he had screwed up sometimes: "I've been campaigning for twenty-two months - I've made some mistakes. And I think this is part of just being a human being."
You want something more recent? How about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton debating during the contest for the Democratic nomination in 2008 on ABC? Here's a question that Charles Gibson asked Obama regarding the then-senator's relationship with a Chicago pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright (if you don't remember him, children, he was the mean Negro Christian preacher who said mean things about the United States which proved that Obama was totally a black Muslim bent on starting a race war): "[I]f you knew he got rough in sermons, why did it take you more than a year to publicly disassociate yourself from his remarks?" Obama answered the fucking question, which is what you do.
Now, here's a question that so offended somnolent surgeon Ben Carson at the CNBC debate last week. It has to do with Carson's relationship with a company called Mannatech: "They offered claims that they could cure autism, cancer, they paid $7 million to settle a deceptive marketing lawsuit in Texas, and yet your involvement continued. Why?" Carson gave some bullshit answer that didn't begin to cover the extent of his relationship with the snake oil salespeople.
But Carson used this exchange to call for a "reform" of the debates. He said in an interview this week, "Yes, the questions about Mannatech are definitely gotcha questions. There’s no truth, you know, and all they would have to do, because I know people know how to investigate, they could easily go back and find out that I don’t have any formal relationships with Mannatech."
The "gotcha" question is in the ears of the beholder. See, you might think, "Here's this thing you did. Why don't you explain it?" is a gotcha question. But that's the fuckin' game, gang. You did do something. Jimmy Carter did say he thought about balling some strange. Barack Obama did go to Jeremiah Wright's church. And fuckin' Ben Carson made a shit-ton of money hawking Mannatech products. You might not like being asked about it, and your fans might not like you being asked about it, but Carter and Obama knew perfectly well what would come up and how to deal with it. Carson's just pissed he got caught and is too much of a naif to have a ready response.
Republicans this year have lost their minds over the "format" of the debates. They're raging about the RNC's schedule and set-up. So the candidates are making up their own rules. They're demanding all kinds of shit that, if Democrats asked for them, would have been subject to unending derision. And it's all because some of the candidates don't like being asked things like "Here's this plan of yours that experts say is ten kinds of suck. So how do you think it can work?"
Tomorrow: Yeah, they really came up with a list of demands.
That's a fucked up question right there. It alludes to Carter's interview with Playboy magazine, when it was still filled with nekkid womens, and Carter saying that he had committed "adultery in my heart many times" (which really just means, "Yeah, I've looked at hot people and thought, 'Damn, I'd totally tap that.'" Who among us cannot say the same?). The questioner was Robert Maynard, a barrier-breaking African American journalist and Washington Post columnist who would later own the Oakland Tribune and lead it to a Pulitzer Prize.
And what did Carter do? Did he get all huffy and bloviate about how questions like that have nothing to do with the campaign and how dare Maynard ask it and what the hell is it with all these liberal journalists and their "gotcha" questions? No, he didn't. He answered the fucking question, which is what you do. Carter talked about the disenchantment with public officials post-Watergate and then he said that he had screwed up sometimes: "I've been campaigning for twenty-two months - I've made some mistakes. And I think this is part of just being a human being."
You want something more recent? How about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton debating during the contest for the Democratic nomination in 2008 on ABC? Here's a question that Charles Gibson asked Obama regarding the then-senator's relationship with a Chicago pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright (if you don't remember him, children, he was the mean Negro Christian preacher who said mean things about the United States which proved that Obama was totally a black Muslim bent on starting a race war): "[I]f you knew he got rough in sermons, why did it take you more than a year to publicly disassociate yourself from his remarks?" Obama answered the fucking question, which is what you do.
Now, here's a question that so offended somnolent surgeon Ben Carson at the CNBC debate last week. It has to do with Carson's relationship with a company called Mannatech: "They offered claims that they could cure autism, cancer, they paid $7 million to settle a deceptive marketing lawsuit in Texas, and yet your involvement continued. Why?" Carson gave some bullshit answer that didn't begin to cover the extent of his relationship with the snake oil salespeople.
But Carson used this exchange to call for a "reform" of the debates. He said in an interview this week, "Yes, the questions about Mannatech are definitely gotcha questions. There’s no truth, you know, and all they would have to do, because I know people know how to investigate, they could easily go back and find out that I don’t have any formal relationships with Mannatech."
The "gotcha" question is in the ears of the beholder. See, you might think, "Here's this thing you did. Why don't you explain it?" is a gotcha question. But that's the fuckin' game, gang. You did do something. Jimmy Carter did say he thought about balling some strange. Barack Obama did go to Jeremiah Wright's church. And fuckin' Ben Carson made a shit-ton of money hawking Mannatech products. You might not like being asked about it, and your fans might not like you being asked about it, but Carter and Obama knew perfectly well what would come up and how to deal with it. Carson's just pissed he got caught and is too much of a naif to have a ready response.
Republicans this year have lost their minds over the "format" of the debates. They're raging about the RNC's schedule and set-up. So the candidates are making up their own rules. They're demanding all kinds of shit that, if Democrats asked for them, would have been subject to unending derision. And it's all because some of the candidates don't like being asked things like "Here's this plan of yours that experts say is ten kinds of suck. So how do you think it can work?"
Tomorrow: Yeah, they really came up with a list of demands.