11/05/2020

You Can't Poll Crazy: Random Observations as We Await Joy or Doom

Lemme say at the top here: I'm not making any fuckin' predictions in here about the outcome of Presidential Clusterfuck 2020. As we await parcels of votes from Arizona and Nevada and Pennsylvania and Georgia and, sure, why not, North Carolina, hanging on every word of Steve Kornacki or John King as they vigorously finger their interactive maps, I've been wrong about 50 times already, so, while it looks good for Biden, nah, I'm not putting down any chips here. It's just not worth it because Trump voters are fucking crazy and you can't predict crazy. Were they really inspired by Donald Trump's COVIDpaloozas to go vote when they weren't planning on? And who the fuck votes for a president responsible...Wait, I'll start the list.

1. Trump voters are fucking crazy. Who the fuck votes for a president who is directly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans on American soil and who is directly responsible for mass economic misery, including, but not limited to, homelessness, hunger, and lack of health care? It's like standing on the smoking ruins of your house, looking at the burnt body of your dog that was fucked to death before being left in the fire, and saying, "You know that arsonist who fucked my dog to death? I like how he hates immigrants. I'm gonna tell him he can marry my daughter." Who does that shit? Crazy people. Delusional people. 

1a. You wanna shorthand reason why the polls were so very wrong? There it is: you can't poll crazy.

2. So, yeah, we have a huge goddamn problem with racism and misogyny and xeno-, homo-, and Islamophobia, if nearly 70 million people will willingly vote for a racist, misogynist, multiphobic narcissist who is promising to not do a goddamn thing to help people with a pandemic other than wait for a vaccine. And it's not just that they have radically different ideologies from the majority of us; they live in a different reality. That's not even a matter of interpretation of the world. Many of them have been deluged with disinformation from Fox "news" (although not enough to prevent it from becoming the enemy if it tries to call an election based on, you know, facts and votes), One America Fuckoff, and Breitbart's cocaine-fund, as well as a not-insignificant number who believe Joe Biden is a pedophile, something something Hunter Biden, and Hillary/Obama/Tom Hanks are fucking children to scare their blood which they then drink. 

This is mass hysteria of a Salem witch trials-level, and, sure, there might come a point where, with Trump gone, everyone wakes up and realizes that they've fucking let the world go to hell, but you can bet that in Salem, a whole lot of them still believed their crops were hexed. That kind of shit will take years to deprogram. But, basically, we are a country split between people who believe in facts and science and people who believe Cuban socialism is coming to take their white babies to give to brown immigrants who will cut out their adrenal glands and send them to the Clinton Foundation while Soros-backed BLM activists are rioting in the suburbs and killing white women. 

3. But let's be absolutely clear here: the nation, as a whole, is and has been securely Democratic. Democrats have won the popular vote for 4 elections in a row, and, in any other supposedly democratic country, that would have been enough. What Democrats have is a local and state election problem, as exemplified in the Senate races in Maine, Iowa, and elsewhere, as well as House races. Yes, yes, it can't be said enough that the Electoral College is a fucked beyond fucked way of getting a president. The fucking Founders were drunks who didn't regularly bathe, owned slaves, and thought women were intellectual children. Why the fuck are we still letting their every word guide us, being forced to lap it up and love it, like eager leather slaves after sucking five dicks? If they had to convince a majority of the citizens in this country to vote for them, Republicans would have to moderate their stands on a fuck-ton of issues at the national level. It's the only way that abortion, same sex marriage, and gun worship will come off the table as the shit that matters most to idiots. (Always remember: Abortion wasn't really an issue until Reagan decided to let evangelicals shriek their way onto the national platform.)

4. I've been saying that we need national laws to guide voting. It's good to get some backup on that. 

Okay. I'll stop there. More jizz-image analysis to come. (Heh.)