Donald Trump Says Another Goddamn Thing or Other

“What fresh fuckery is this?” I thought as I watched Donald Trump’s latest attempt to appear like a genuine candidate for the presidency, which happened to be a speech on how to deal with “Radical Islamic terrorism” or whatever combination of words will create the incantation necessary to bring about the magical spell to stop the violence. Driven half mad by the nonstop rain in south Louisiana, seeing the terrible flooding and hearing more and more stories of greater floods beyond where I was, ready to escape onto a plane to head back to the heat wave of the Northeast, all, all exacerbated by climate change, a graver and greater threat than an ISIS/al-Qaeda sandwich covered in an Iranian secret sauce, I couldn’t begin to think that a lump of sulfur disguised as a man could have anything remotely helpful to say about any issue that requires more thought than “More gold on the bidet.”

In fact, there was so much fuckery in Trump’s desperate attempt to seem tough that you couldn’t tell where the fuckery ended and the man begins for, yes, Donald Trump is a personification of fuckery. For instance, there was his insistence that President Obama’s foreign policy was somehow being run by Hillary Clinton, even though she hasn’t been Secretary of States since February 1, 2013. You can say she had a hand in a lot of shit, like, you know, getting Osama bin Laden (seriously, if she gets all the blame for Benghazi, how about a little bit of credit for bin Laden?). But once she was out and John Kerry was in, you’re just a prick for implying that she was still in charge.

So we went, lies skipping along, hand-in-hand with utter bullshit. We got promises to behave like Joseph McCarthy on angel dust when it comes to labeling people enemies of the state, just like McCarthy’s power bottom and Trump confidante/mentor Roy Cohn would have loved (Cohn just started his fourth decade starring in Hell’s production of Let’s Skin Roy Cohn Alive Again). That was the notion of "extreme vetting," as Trump put it, which sounds like doing crazy shit to help sick and injured animals, but is actually a new game that Trump wants to play, a fuckin' quiz show for anyone wanting to enter the country.

We slid down the semen-slickened the rabbithole of revisionist history, where no fucking Republican had any blame when it came to 9/11. Where Russia gets praised while Obama gets dragged across the coals. Where NATO adjusted its policy on terrorism just because Donald Trump had said some shit. Where, above George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton is the only person guilty of anything when it comes to the Iraq War (and not all the other congressional fucksacks who voted for it and are still there) and thus directly responsible for the rise of ISIS.

Jesus Christ al-fuckin'-mighty, another goddamn speech, another series of malignant fuckeries. Trump's idiot hordes will believe him when he said, "According to CNN, ISIS made as much $500 million in oil sales in 2014 alone, fueling and funding its reign of terror. If we had controlled the oil, we could have prevented the rise of ISIS in Iraq – both by cutting off a major source of funding, and through the presence of U.S. forces necessary to safeguard the oil and other vital infrastructure. I was saying this constantly and to whoever would listen: keep the oil, keep the oil, keep the oil, I said – don’t let someone else get it."

The problem there is, you know, the facts. ISIS doesn't fucking sell oil from Iraq. As the Washington Post pointed out, "[A]ll of the oil sold by the militants has come from fields they occupy in Syria. They have never controlled oil-rich territory in Iraq, where oil provides about 99 percent of government revenue, according to the United Nations." So if we had "kept the oil," we would have fucked over Iraq worse than it already is.

So, yeah, this was, as Trump claimed, humbly, "another area where my judgment has been proven correct," if that area is the fucking fantasy land where he apparently gets all of his fucking ideas and where he's just shitting gold bricks and everyone loves him for it.

We're just indulging a deranged "billionaire" at this point, and arguing with him, or with his idiot hordes, is like trying to get Mr. Magoo to understand that he's fucking blind.