Quotes That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Chug Methyl Alcohol Until He's Blind

Every once in a while, trawling the effluvia in the pig shit ponds of right-wing websites, the Rude Pundit comes across a nugget or two that perfectly distills the zeitgeist of nutzoid conservatism in the United States. And, glory be, as he was looking for some info on Breitbart writer Lee Stranahan's arrest during a Black Lives Matter protest in Baton Rouge, Louisiana (spoiler: he was a total cockknob about it and learned absolutely nothing), he discovered such a floater, a column by reactionary spoogebucket Stephen K. Bannon.

He's writing about how the nation is falling apart because of the protests against police violence and because Roger Ailes, the corpulent symbol of moral and media corruption as head of Fox "news," has been accused of sexual harassment by former Fox blonde head, Gretchen Carlson. In the course of stuffing as much conservative cock in every orifice of his he can fill, Bannon equates Fox "news," Roger Ailes, and the continued health of the nation. No, really. Here it is:

"But Fox, as a lonely fair-and-balanced bastion, is still an obstacle to Democratic victory plans in 2016. And that’s the real story of the Gretchen Carlson lawsuit against Ailes, which I wrote about here at BNN on July 8. I said then, and I still think now, that Carlson’s case has no merit, but I now see more clearly that her case has depth — that is, lots of resources. Yes, it is a huge operation that they have mounted against Ailes. And who is 'they'? I think it’s virtually the whole of the Democratic establishment, including the Obamas, the Clintons, and their billionaire financiers, such as George Soros. These are the people who are plotting to take down Ailes. And if Ailes goes, I’m afraid, so could America."

Man, someone is willing to blow Ailes for a job.

The thing is that many, many on the right believe this kind of shit. They believe there is a conspiracy among all the major players on the left (and, really, the middle and middle-right) to bring down Roger Ailes, as if that would in any way stop the Fox "news" lie machine from fake fair-and-balancing the fuck out of stuff they make up. If Ailes, a pile of elephant dung in human form, Jabba the Hutt without the charm, is all that stands between anarchy and order for the nation, then we are fucked where we stand, probably by him.

For such masturbating paranoiacs as Bannon, it can't simply be that Ailes likes to coerce women into fucking him and his friends. It can't be that a power-mongering supervillain wannabe is actually and really evil. Oh, no. It's gotta be that everyone else is evil but him. The other women coming out to tell their stories, even decades after the fact, of Ailes's demands to be fucked by them must be harpy hordes set on the noble and valiant blobby knight of righteousness who's fighting the good fight against liberal medialand.

Roger Ailes is a goddamned poison who decided to shrink the press to a size where he could eat it and digest and shit it out again. That one of his blonde automatons might be the person who takes him apart is enough to make you believe in karma.