Why We Barely Talk About the Terrible Policy Ideas of the GOP Candidates

It's funny, innit? Every time you see an attack on Hillary Clinton, it's about whether or not she's been honest about something related to her job as Secretary of State, whether or not she's given us the facts, or, most importantly, whether or not her proposals as a candidate are sensible. The same goes for Bernie Sanders: the media spends more time talking about his proposals for economic justice than the economic or any plans of the entire slate of all the Republican candidates combined. And, if you've paid attention to the coverage, Sanders doesn't get a hell of a lot of air.

One of the reasons for that is because who gives a slow turtle fuck what the Republicans stand for when they say such stupid shit constantly. Honestly, not a day goes by without one candidate or another putting out some appalling statement or speaking some idiotic blathering that is calculated to appeal to the simpletons.

In the last couple of days:

1. Ben Carson, a man who looks like he's injecting horse tranquilizers right into his jugular, did a quick Q&A on Facebook yesterday. The dude who isn't sure about how gravity works (it's Jesus semen sticking us to the Earth, Dr. Carson) was asked about his position on the 2nd Amendment, the one that says God wants you to be able to kill on a whim. Carson replied, really, "As a Doctor, I spent many a night pulling bullets out of bodies. There is no doubt that this senseless violence is breathtaking – but I never saw a body with bullet holes that was more devastating than taking the right to arm ourselves away."

How the fuck do you respond to that? You wanna show him that 8 year-old girl who was shot dead in Tennessee and ask him? He won't care. One of the leading Republican candidates said that guns are more important than people. So what do you ask next? "Gee, and how about your tariff policy and South Asia?" There aren't enough dicks on enough donkeys to tell Ben Carson to get fucked with.

2. This afternoon, on the right-wing blog RedState, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal (campaign slogan: "Stop laughing!") decided the best use of his time was to attack the father of the Oregon shooter because he dared to say that guns suck. About the man whose son killed himself after murdering nine other people, Jindal said (quoted extensively so you can get the full blast of motherfuckering going on here), "This killer’s father is now lecturing us on the need for gun control and he says he has no idea how or where his son got the guns. Of course he doesn’t know. You know why he doesn’t know? Because he is not, and has never been in his son’s life. He’s a complete failure as a father, he should be embarrassed to even show his face in public. He’s the problem here. He brags that he has never held a gun in his life and that he had no idea that his son had any guns. Why didn’t he know? Because he failed to raise his son. He should be ashamed of himself, and he owes us all an apology. When he was asked what his relationship was with his son, he said he hadn’t seen him in a while because he lived with his mother. Case Closed."

If you have anything like a moral compass, you read that and thought, "There must not be a God because a demon hand didn't burst out of the ground, reach into Jindal's anus, and pull him inside out before dragging him into the shit-filled sodomy pits of Hades." If you read that and thought, "Well, this is a reasonable person who should be treated with respect," then perhaps it is your anus that needs a hellclawing.

3. Away from the deranged gun fellating that seems to be one of the prime activities of the Republican Party, Carly Fiorina (campaign motto: "Failure has a name") said Sunday that she'd be able to handle the terrorist armies of ISIS because "my degree in medieval history and philosophy has come in handy because what ISIS wants to do is drive us back to the Middle Ages, literally." Yes, and when ISIS wants to use trebuchets to launch anti-aircraft rockets, we can talk. Until then, let's keep the Crusades references to a minimum.

Who has time to discuss anything of substance with these drooling numbskulls and skeevy con artists  masturbating in public?