Okay, Tom Perkins, We Were Planning a Kristallnacht on the Rich:
Yeah, you caught us, Tom Perkins, you old billionaire bourgeois piggie venture capitalist. You wrote to the Wall Street Journal to complain about how San Franciscans protest Google providing busing for its employees, rising real estate prices, and Danielle Steel (no, really, that's what you said), and you said, "Kristallnacht was unthinkable in 1930; is its descendent 'progressive' radicalism unthinkable now?" Well, fuck, you just nailed that shit. And when you wrote, "I would call attention to the parallels of fascist Nazi Germany to its war on its 'one percent,' namely its Jews, to the progressive war on the American one percent, namely the 'rich,'" you couldn't be more right if you had been in on the planning of our 1% Kristallnacht.
And now, not only are we not calling it off, but we're moving up the date. Oh, yeah. The Rude Pundit's been in touch with the rest of the progressive radicals itching to smash some glass. We are ready to go to all the well-guarded compounds of the superwealthy or their corporate offices and just break shit. It'll be exactly like Kristallnacht, when, in November 1938, rioters in Germany, Austria, and Switzerland, with a wink from the Third Reich, went all ape scheisse on Jewish property, on synagogues, businesses, cemeteries, and homes.
Man, breaking into Sheldon Adelson's enormous mansion, setting it on fire, trying to get into his panic room so we can make him kneel out front to watch it burn is exactly like when a mob destroyed an orphanage in Dinslaken, Germany. It's gonna feel awesome to act like the Nazis who got hear "The frightened and fearful cries of the children resound[ing] through the building." We hope Adelson cries out just as frightened and fearfully.
We'll go to the ass-end of no-fucking-where Arkansas and Texas to go after some Waltons and a Koch or two and the Simmonses. We'll be in mobs all over this here United States, just to punish success. We'll head over to William Dore's joint and tear it apart. Same with Peter Thiel and others. We won't be takers. We'll be breakers, tee-hee, just like the Nazis who shattered windows of stores and synagogues. Yeah, Tommy P., we'll destroy property, maybe even Fox "news" headquarters, and then, when we're done, we'll tell you to fix it all up. And that might take a day or two because, you know, you're super fucking rich and will still be super fucking rich after the glass is swept up, unlike the Jews whose lives were completely destroyed by German violence that led to the Holocaust.
We won't tell you when we're starting, Perkins. But, since we're taking our cues from Kristallnacht, we'll get to it just as soon as we kick all the rich people of Polish descent out of the United States and then one of you will have to assassinate one of our leaders (c'mon, you're itching to anyways). Then, just as soon as the Fuhrer tells us all to start marching, we'll Kristallnacht the fuck out of you.
Or, maybe, you could just stop being such assholes about a slight hike in the marginal tax rate and maybe support an end to anonymous SuperPAC donations. Oh, and let people bitch about Danielle Steel. Have you seen the size of that stupid hedge around her property?