Lindsey Graham Doesn't Like Lying Unless He's One of the Liars:
John McCain's little girl, Senator Lindsey Graham, is trying to fluff the Benghazi incident into a full-fledged scandal with all the energy of a new gay porn actor worried about getting stage fright in his dick, so he's jackin' that junk with a lubed-up hand to stay hard, stay hard, you fucker, or you'll never jizz at the right moment. There he was yesterday, sounding for all the world like Rhett Butler just said something mean to him, on Face the Nation with Bob "Last Old-Time TV Journalist Barely Standing" Schieffer, saying that he'll hold up President Obama's national security nominees unless he gets the answers he wants on why U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice said something that bugged him: "How could Susan Rice come on to your show and say there’s no evidence of a terrorist attack when the Secretary of Defense and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs said they knew that night?" It must be a scandal, Benghazigate or Deadambassadorgate or Susanricegate or some such shit.

And Lindsey Graham is Sherlock Motherfuckin' Holmes, asking questions that need to be asked: "I want to know who changed the talking points. Who took the references to Al Qaeda out of the talking points given to Susan Rice? We still don’t know…. I want to know what our president did. What did he do as commander in chief? Did he ever pick up the phone and call anybody? I think this is the stuff the country needs to know."

No, really, he's Sherlock Motherfuckin' Holmes: "I'm not going to stop until we get to the bottom of it. We know nothing about what the president did on the night of September 11, during a time of national crisis, and the American people need to know what their commander-in-chief did, if anything, during the eight-hour attack."

And Graham bottom-lined this shit, too. Why is it a scandal? "In a constitutional democracy, we need to know what our commander in chief was doing at a time of great crisis, and this White House has been stonewalling the Congress. And I'm going to do everything I can to get to the bottom of this so we'll learn from our mistakes and hold this president accountable for what I think is tremendous disengagement at a time of national security crisis."

You know what was a real scandal? The fact that the Bush administration lied about the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and got us into a war that killed tens of thousands of people at the cost of a couple of trillion dollars. You know who was one of the biggest cheerleaders of that war? You know who was really quick to forgive the Bush administration? That slick-haired cocksucker from South Carolina, Lindsey Graham, that's who.

In an October 4, 2004 hearing on the Duelfer Report on WMDs in Iraq, Graham went all out in defending the intelligence failure, manipulating the information to make sure he didn't look bad: "[In Iraq under Saddam Hussein] we have a very long history of use of weapons, procuring of weapons, on paper unaccounted-for weapons. I think what we need to learn from this, that we were wrong. And as a country we need to find out why we were wrong about some of our assessments. But as a world, I think we need to come to grips with the idea that people like Saddam Hussein had too much opportunity to do too many bad things too long. And we should learn from that, too." Water under the bridge, even with the war raging in full and Americans dying. We were wrong factually, but, gee whiz, weren't we right in our hearts, where it really counts?

Even more fun was Graham on Meet the Press on December 11, 2005, when he was debating Madeleine Albright about Iraq. Said the Senator, "Calling our president a liar, calling the vice president a liar, that everybody else in the world got it wrong in Iraq honestly, including the Clinton administration, that everybody was wrong about weapons of mass destruction, honestly accept two people, Dick Cheney and George Bush, is also part of the problem, and that needs to stop." You got that, right? "Calling the president a liar...is also part of the problem"? Not "we need to find out when the president knew he was making shit up so he could have his war." Because, see, if he did admit that, if he did want that investigation, well, he had become by that point one of the liars.

Now there's a man with principles, principles that are easily tossed aside whenever he needs a fake scandal to prop up his conservative street cred before the crazies come after him.