The Ultra-Christian Family Research Council Thinks We're All Slaves to Planned Parenthood:
The Rude Pundit belongs to a special group, if by "special," you mean, "Don't give them sharp utensils." That is the Super-Duper Prayer Team of the Family Research Council (motto: "Come for the gay-bashing idiocy; stay for the anti-contraception craziness"). Every week, we loyal, longtime SDPT superfriends are given our orders on what for and how to offer supplication to God and God, Jr. Usually it goes like this: "Stop the gays, stop abortion, stop the gays, stop abortion, fuck the Muslims, save Israel, stop the gays."
Sometimes, though, the strange focus is goddamned weird and amazing. Like this week. We're supposed to fall on our knees and offer our pretty mouths up for some prayllatio because of an eeevil organization that is destroying us all. Referencing discredited videos by a James O'Keefe wannabe (but why?) that supposedly show Planned Parenthood helping a pimp get medical care for his child prostitutes, the FRC tells us, "No wonder several states have decided to end aid for the criminal abortion operation."
We are told, really, "Pray the states, one by one, will break free from Planned Parenthood. May the next President and Congress (House AND Senate), demolish the unholy yoke that has bound American federal taxpayers to the abortion holocaust and the criminal activities of the nation's largest abortion enterprise." Man, that's some scary shit. And luckily, the FRC SDPT is provided with Bible verses that give us the proper perspective. Where is abortion and taxpayer funding of family planning in the good book, you ask?
You are an unbelieving fuckbag, you fuckbag. Why it's in 1 Corinthinans, chapter 7, verse 21, according to our prayer letter: "For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant." Exactly. Wait, what the fuck does that mean?
Never mind. Surely it's about aborting Jesus or something.