A Brief Note to Republicans Regarding Last Night's Michigan Primary:
Oh, dear, sweet Republicans, cuddle up close and listen to the Rude Pundit. He was right nearly a year ago, he was right on the radio yesterday, and he'll be right up until the last vote is counted in November: this plays out in the most boring, expected way possible. Mitt Romney is your nominee. He was never not going to be your nominee. And then he's going to lose to Barack Obama. The only real question is will it be a soul-crushing loss or a five-state-murder-suicide-spree loss.
Give up now. Put all of your efforts into congressional races (even though Mitt Romney will be a drag on all of your tickets). And, for Chrissake, stop waiting for a white knight to come riding in to save your quivering ass from being fucked raw by the Obama dragon. Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, and whatever other faux saviors you have aren't idiots. They're biding their time until 2016.
It's funny, in that "Ha-ha, look how silly you look while you're drowning" kind of way, watching all the conservative pundits come around to accepting the inevitable, hoping that the Romney candidacy and this whole poisonous primary season doesn't kill the whole GOP.
Here's sad Red State blogger (and CNN chin-fat displayer) Erick "Erick" Erickson being sad: "Seriously, putting it bluntly, conservatives may not like Barack Obama, but most other people do. And when faced with a guy you like and a guy you don’t like who says he can fix an economy that no longer needs fixing, you’re going to go with the guy you like...I suspect he will be the nominee. At least we can be rid of him and, hopefully, his most ardent cheerleaders on November 7th when what the rest of us know will happen unless an economic catastrophe happens."
Here's the New York Times's Ross "C'mon, You Can Come Up With a Better Joke Than 'Douchehat'" Douthat: "This is not where Romney expected to find himself at this point in the campaign, with months and months of careful positioning undone by several weeks of gaffes and defensive political maneuverings. But between his verbal miscues and his clumsy attempts to defend his right flank on policy, the likely Republican nominee is suddenly headed for the kind of political and ideological cul-de-sac that losing presidential candidates often end up occupying."
Oh, there's some adorable ones, like John Podhoretz of the New York Post, who think that Democrats might get over-confident about winning. But, really, unless the elder elders of the GOP, like, say, Dick Cheney or Poppy Bush, decide to take Romney out for a walk and tell him to look at the rabbits while they pop three in the back of his skull, anything other than bitter acceptance of loss and desperate bandaging to stave off bleeding out is pure fantasy.
Alas, dying GOP, fighting for relevance in a nation that has passed you by, heading the way of the Shakers, perhaps clinging, like the Amish, to your ways in communities small and sparse, did you see President Obama at the United Auto Workers conference yesterday? You remember what he was like on the campaign trail when he wanted to be? Even without the novelty of that early enthusiasm, even with many on the left angry at him, he's gonna get us all riled up and ready to go again. You can look in the mirror now and say, "We are so fucked," if you haven't already.
Yeah, this is a cocky blog post. It's an "I told you so" blog post. And it's a hope that the degrading display that the Republicans have put on for the last year has made most Americans feel filthy enough to reject you outright.