In Brief: How to Have Fun with the Coming Pandemic (Updated to Prove the Point):
Hey, kids, swine flu's got you down? Then do what the Rude Pundit does: when life gives you a virus, make virusade. You can use the swine flu outbreak to totally fuck with the nutzoid right and help along their delusional, conspiratorial fantasies about Barack Obama and the federal government. Shit, maybe we can get 'em to the point where they barricade themselves in caves, armed to the teeth, daring the feds to find them. Over at places like Free Republic, they're startin' to get monkeyfuck crazy about the whats and whys. Michelle Malkin has broken out her red, white, and blue 10-inch vibrator that pumps her kooz to the strains of Ted Nugent's "Wango Tango" in order to write how the virus makes the country need "to get serious" about stronger borders more than ever. Here's a few spreadable rumors to egg 'em on:

1. The CIA manufactured the virus to distract from Obama's plans for turning this into a socialist nation. It was released in Mexico because it would look less suspicious and easily spread into the United States.

2. The public health emergency declared by the administration is an excuse to set presidential directive NSPD 51 into effect, thus creating martial law and allowing the military and FEMA to take over the country.

3. And that strange, fenced-in warehouse-like structure you see going up on the side of the highway as you drive to work? Oh, fuck, that's gonna start as a quarantine center, but eventually, get this, it's gonna be a FEMA concentration camp for enemies of the Obama-led state. He is the devil, you know.

4. Check out the first states where swine flu has appeared: New York, California, Texas, Ohio, and Kansas. If you draw a circle around them, that's an "O" and it stands for "Obama."

5. George Soros once dated a woman named Tammy Flugh. He had the virus released so that he could hear her name endlessly.

6. Barack Obama is wagging the dog to distract us from...no, wait, that's not him. Or...nope. Well, it's wagging the motherfucking dog because while we're not looking, he'll burn his birth certificate or some such shit.

You can add your own. Surely there will be more, and they will be just as backwards-ass stupid and unhelpful.

: You thought the Rude Pundit was just joking? Quote from the president of the Concerned Women for America: "Some people think that declaring a state of emergency about the flu was a political thing to push the Sebelius nomination through."