Being Dick Cheney Means Never Having to Say, "I'm Wrong":
Whenever the oozing pustulent herpes sore that is Vice President Dick Cheney erupts its scabby head on the cock of the body politic, the very air becomes rife with infection and warnings go out to those who use bathrooms after he's bathed: don't touch the towels lest you become one with the disease. And if you get in a room with him, you will choke on your own vomit as you try to swallow down breaths without smelling the stench of flesh and organ rot that emanates from Cheney's very pores.

So when Martha Raddatz of ABC sat down for an interview with the Vice President at a resort and spa in Oman, she must have thought, "No wonder he chose a place named 'Shangri-La.' He ought to have been dead years ago," even as she popped anti-nausea pills to get her through the experience.

It's been much discussed that when Raddatz said that two-thirds of the American people don't think the war's worth it, Cheney answered, "So?" But that and his follow-up explanation- in answer to "You don't care what the American people think?"- of "No, I think you cannot be blown off course by the fluctuations in the public opinion polls," were not the only "Fuck you, America" statements Cheney made.

A little later in the interview, Raddatz asked, "One of the things that troops have said to me, and their families, in talking to a lot of them, is that they are the only ones sacrificing. They look at the rest of the country, and say, no sacrifice was really made. Was it a mistake not to involve the country to a greater degree?"

Cheney, for whom the notion of "sacrifice" generally means, "virgin Sunni girl to the oil gods every full moon," answered as if he'd never heard of such a thing: "Well, I think -- I'm not sure how you would have involved them to a greater degree. We've made this probably the most important priority of our administration. We talk about it all the time." You got that? The administration didn't want to worry your pretty little heads about this war. And yet they take up your valuable listening time with it.

Raddatz pressed Cheney for "What sacrifice have most Americans made?" and Cheney said, really, "Well, I think they've been asked to support the effort and the enterprise." Then he did a little shuffle-step on how there shouldn't be a draft before, at last, giving a semi-real answer: "I think in terms of sacrifice, obviously we've expended considerable public funds on this enterprise, and those are funds that could have been used for some other purpose." Then he said how the war was more important than all those other things. And, in the real fuck you to all those sayers of nay, "The country has, in fact, supported financially the endeavors we've been involved in."

So do you understand, now, from Dick Cheney, carping Americans? You can't have your roads, your schools, your precious Social Security, your safe environment, and all that other shit you might have wanted 'cause you had to pay for the war. It's too bad there's not things like, well, fuck, tax cuts for the wealthy that, had they not been passed, might have allowed the government to pay for it all, but then, of course, you would have made the economy go into the shitter and...oh, fuck, wait.

And who's to blame for the war not going like Cheney predicted it would go? According to the Veep, it's those punk-ass bitch Iraqis and their goddamned pussy PTSD after Saddam's toppling: "One of the areas that I think where we underestimated the difficulty was the extent to which the Iraqi population had been hammered by Saddam Hussein, and by the aftermath of the Gulf War in '91. He came back in and reasserted control, especially over the Shia areas. I think he ruled with such a heavy hand that it's taken the Iraqis themselves longer to recover from that experience." 'Cause, you know, post-Yugoslavia, you could have never predicted that once you take away the "heavy hand" of dictatorship, chaos might make the streets run with blood from old ethnic and religious conflicts.

To listen to Cheney is to listen to the liar who's been caught, spinning out endless lies like a spider madly repairing a wind-damaged web, hoping the filmy thread will hold for another night.

By the way, for additional fun, check out what Cheney had to say about the recent Pentagon report that says there's no link between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda. At a Baghdad Embassy press availability this week, asked about the report first in a positive spin way by Stephen Hayes, his official biographer, Cheney was pressed about the lack of a connection between the eeeevils. He answered: "Well, it says no operational link. But there was, as I recall from looking at it, extensive links with Egyptian Islamic Jihad. Egyptian Islamic Jihad was the organization headed by Zawahiri, and he merged EIJ with al Qaeda when he became the deputy director of al Qaeda, Osama bin Laden's number two. Now, was that a link between Iraq and al Qaeda? Seems to me pretty clear that there was."

The web secured for another night, Cheney crawled away to see what bugs might get ensnared so he could suck them dry.