Delusional Right Wing Homosexuals:
Really, listening to gay Republicans, be they of your Andrew Sullivan cockgobbling variety or your Mary Cheney carpetmunching types, trying to distance themselves from their own party over the Marriage Protection Amendment (also known as the "Queers Make Sam Brownback Itchy Act") is sad, not in an "oh, Travis, we gotta shoot Ol' Yeller" kinda way. No, no. More like hearing Taliban women justify why they like wearing the burqa. It's a kind of nightmare mixture of self-delusion, self-loathing, and narcissism that generally afflicts the drag queens of the one gay night club in Des Moines.

Here's the Log Cabin Republicans, who usually thank their straight masters for letting them ride in the back of the bus, weeping like little bitches over the ongoing "debate" of the amendment now going on its second full day in the Senate: "Mr. President, gay and lesbian Americans pay taxes, contribute to community and family life across our great nation, and worship the same all-loving and compassionate God. Thousands of gay and lesbian Americans, under your command, serve proudly in our nation's military, fighting to win the war on terror and promoting liberty across the globe. Your effort to codify discrimination against our families, including men and women in uniform while the nation is at war, is offensive and unworthy of the office of the Presidency. Great Republican Presidents from Abraham Lincoln to Ronald Reagan have united Americans and appealed to our best hopes, not our worst fears."

Yeah, but, you proud knoblickers and clameaters, can you bring out the thunder fer the midterms? 'Cause, see, James Dobson's threatening wraths of God that involve conflagrations, famine, and a smaller slice of that segment of the electorate. What do you Log Cabiners got? A well-decorated office and Hugo Boss suits?

Patrick Guerriero, President of the Log Cabiners, continues his pissy lament, "While decent Americans can respectfully disagree about how to offer fairness to our families, your White House event today further legitimizes the voices of intolerance who have made an industry out of denigrating gay and lesbian Americans. That legitimization has sadly fueled discriminatory state amendments across America that go beyond denying civil marriage equality—by denying even domestic partnerships or civil unions that allow for hospital visitation, inheritance rights, and basic dignity to life-long loving couples."

C'mon, man. Buck up, little bonesmoker. Just because you don't mention any partner in your bio doesn't meant that other Republicans don't like him. Or that you fuck each other in the ass. Or that you wanna see him in the hospital if he's in a car accidents. Or that you exist.

Besides, how can a gay Republican compete with Sam Brownback when he says, as he did yesterday, "On Saturday, I was at a wedding in Topeka at which my daughter was the maid of honor. I don't think I am too partial in telling my colleagues that she was beautiful, radiant--not to compete with the bride, but she was beautiful, and I was very proud of her. It reminded me of that time-honored institution we are talking about--marriage, the union of a man and a woman. As I sat next to my wife, with our children next to us, other than my daughter who was in the wedding, I thought what a wonderful institution, what a way that we want to have this country built around, with grandparents and parents and children and siblings bonded together for life."

Damn, that musta been pretty. You're not gonna convince a man like Sam Brownback that everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, deserves such a beautiful day. Don't worry, though, dear Log Cabiners. The Democrats and a couple of pseudo-moderates have your back on this one against the vast majority of your fellow Republicans.