Literally and Figuratively Fucked:
Literal - Massachusetts:
The end of civilization as we know it began this morning in Massachusetts as two people of the same sex who prefer fucking each other to fucking people of the opposite sex got married in a state-sanctioned ceremony (thus differentiating it from the Great San Francisco Nuptial Rebellion of 2003). Giddy reporters were barely able to contain themselves from reporting that the lesbian couple "kissed" after the ceremony. One may presume that they will celebrate the marriage by fucking each other later on, thus consummating the marriage. Soon, all over the state of Massachusetts, male heads will be bobbing on the cocks of other men, women will be giving the clits of other women little love bites that will drive their partners into untold ecstasy. Sorry - that will drive their spouses into untold ecstasy. Oh, the muff-diving, carpet-munching, and clam kissing that will happen in the sanctity of connubial bliss. Goddamn, the merry fudge packing, vein draining, and chowder eating that'll be part and parcel of demonstrating that spouses love each other. Remember: Jesus likes us to have sex in the marriage bed. So fist each other for Christ, young couples.

Meanwhile, fearful, repressed "straights" are cowering in the corners, masturbating furtively at the libidinous freedom that has been unleashed and which they can no longer call "sinful" because it takes place in the legal bonds of marriage. Oh, how they'll write their constitutional amendments, whip into a frenzy of hate crowds of people who have never discoverd the piercing joy of anal penetration.

However, the fucking has been unleashed, and everywhere tonight in Massachusetts the slurping you hear through the thin walls of your apartment will be the slurps of two spouses, husband and husband or wife and wife. You can either cover your head with a pillow or smile at what is sure to be a brief moment of liberty and justice for all.

Figurative - Iraq:
Where to begin the figurative fucking? Maybe with the suicide bomb that demonstrates just how fucked our little Iraqi adventure has become? Maybe the report that sarin gas was released by a roadside bomb? (Wouldn't that be the hugest fucking backstabbing irony that not only did our war of conquest make Iraq more dangerous than under Saddam, bring about torture and disappearings, invite terrorists into the country, but unwittingly unleasing leftover, forgotten WMDs?) Maybe Colin "God, I'm Just a Shell of a Man" Powell's admission that those "mobile biological weapons labs" reports were "discredited" and wrong? Not to mention the latest from Seymour Hersh in the New Yorker and the story in Newsweek, two articles that confirm each other's allegations that officials at least as high as Rumsfeld, but probably higher, decided the Geneva Convention was just another toilet paper treaty, like so many the U.S. has violated. All, all, so, so fucked.

Let's just go to Massachusetts and enjoy the blooming flowers that make such pretty bouquets for brides and battle casualties.