Weekly Reason Why Bill O'Reilly Should Be Sodomized With a Pine Cone:
Bill O'Reilly, TV ranter, radio ranter, print ranter, and Al Franken's bitch, went all Captain Queeg on the NPR chat show, Fresh Air. He was rattling his ball bearings and spewing about the strawberries when host Terry Gross questioned the notoriously thin-skinned former "journalist" about his attack dog tactics on reviewers who dislike his show. Until that point, the thirty-five or so minute interview (which O'Reilly said was fifty minutes long) had opened with a section about O'Reilly's slap fight with Al Franken (which O'Reilly spun like a desperate husband caught with three fingers in the cooz of a hooker - "Um, I lost my keys?"), then discussed his book, the new one with the stalker-like title of Who's Looking Out For You?- a book O'Reilly claims is out there "to help people", and then about O'Reilly's childhood. When Gross turned back to O'Reilly's name-calling and cockiness, O'Reilly freaked, lumping NPR, the New York Times, Al Franken, and Harper's Magazine into one big liberal buggaboo out to get O'Reilly because, you know, Christ, they just can't stand him. And then, after getting Gross to admit that she did not grill comedian Franken as closely, he stalked away from the interview, saying, "This is basically an unfair interview trying to trap me into saying something that Harper's can use," leaving Gross to say, "That's it. You get the final word and I can't respond," which, as anyone who watches or hears that weasel-fucker O'Reilly knows it's his modus operandi.

Look, O'Reilly has one subject: himself. His show is about how he's right. Any appearance he makes elsewhere is to demonstrate his further rightness. If he was photographed beating a hobo to death with a black infant as a club, he would say that the hobo and the infant were conspiring against him. And the slobbering, drooling assholes who watch him, who think he's oh-so-open-minded because, well, shit, he supports decriminalizing pot, would just go right along with him, because he's Bill O'Fuck My Dear Sainted Mother Reilly, and how could he possibly be a dried up old windbag whose scrotum spews dusty sperm and whose hate knows no bounds. No, he couldn't possibly be that. The rest of us are just out to get him.

If you wanna hear the whole interview (which O'Reilly does link to on his site), go here. However, since O'Reilly counts on his fans having the attention span of a spastic child fresh out of ritalin, at his site he offers the last six minutes of the interview, which is mostly Gross trying to read a review from People magazine and O'Reilly freaking out and screeching insanely, but I guess that's what passes for a proper rhetorical battle these days in the "fair and balanced" world.

Reference guide: Captain Queeg is the character played by Humphrey Bogart in The Caine Mutiny, whose crew turns on him when his vicious paranoia over things like strawberries eaten without permission gets out of control. And he fondles ball bearings whenever he gets particularly nuts.