Legislating Women's Lives For Fun and Amusement, Part 2:
Unlike Theresa Schiavo, the Rude Pundit has a living will. It reads, "Should I ever be in a position physically where I shit myself regularly, drool without regard to public standards of decency, demonstrate my intelligence by staring at a balloon, need my wife to squeeze my colon clean every morning, need tubes to shove the nutritious shake of goo my family calls 'food' into my stomach so that it looks the same when it comes out of the other tube in my asshole, have to be turned regularly to avoid maggots from making a home of my flesh, or cost my loved ones every fucking penny they have to come to my hospital room to watch me drool, shit, and stare at balloons, I may be declared a vegetable, put to sleep, and sent out to sea on a tiny raft so that everyone won't watch me slowly die. Should any government entity wish to stop this process, I want my bed to be placed in the office of said governor or legislator or judge so that person can watch me drool, involuntarily smile, and shit myself. When I finally, after years of suffering, die, I want my body to be stuffed in my final drooling, self-shitting position and put on display like the fucking Ten Commandments in the lobby of the state capitol so that all may know that they contributed to my ongoing living hell of pain, suffering, and shit."

Schiavo, though, despite 13 years of such suffering, must go on living because of the cruelties of faith and parental love and right-wing politics. See, the Florida woman went into a coma after her brain stopped functioning when her heart briefly stopped in 1990. After eight years of desperately trying to save her in ways that are like putting a lightning rod in a carrot so it might walk, her husband, in 1998, attempted to have her feeding tube removed, which would have effectively caused Schiavo to starve to death. Her parents, the courts, and others intervened, despite the general medical consensus that Schiavo is fucked and for Chrissake let her die. Now, the Florida legislature, in-between gutting the school programs and allowing constant executions, passed a bill to specifically allow Governor Jeb Bush to have the feeding tube reinserted. The horror here.

Maybe seeing Schiavo's coma-induced smile reminds him of his daughter after a particular Xanax bender. Either way, Governor Jeb ought to have to attend to Schiavo himself, wiping her ass, listening to her choked breathing.