A Brief Diversion on the Yankees, America, and Capitalism by Rude Two:
The Yankees are in the World Series again. Every fucking year, yay fucking rah, the greatest fucking team in the history of the planet, blah blah blah bore me to fucking tears and wipe my cock with a pine tar rag. Same old shit, different season, who gives a fuck. Here it is from the Boston Globe.
Sodomize me with a cattle prod and call me Billy Martin's ghost, the Yankees beat the Red Sox. Again. Still. Forever. The Red Sox can't beat the Yankees, never beat the Yankees, will never beat the Yankees. Ever. Ever. Forever. Nobody can beat the Yankees. Ever. Look at them, with their $400 billion payroll or whatever it is that 95% of Americans will never fathom let alone see -- the largest payroll of any professional sports team in the history of the goddamned universe.
Compare the Yankees to every other team in the game and wonder why they're in it this year, it's because they're a bought and paid for all-star team, they're Satan's right hand, and George Steinbrenner can shit on and destroy what is our country's pastime, allegedly, and not just New York.
Baseball is a boring sport by nature. But the same teams being in it all the time only makes it more boring. The Yankees in it almost every year is somehow supposed to be exciting for the millions -- literally, millions -- of baseball fans who hate them and wish upon wish that just for once some other team -- preferably their own favorite -- could be in this fucking thing?
You know what we wanna see? Let's see the Rockies in it. Or the Rangers. Or the D-Rays, Tigers, Royals, Padres, Mariners, White Sox, Angels (again would be fine), or even the Astros or Brewers, even though we hate them both (though not with the hate we reserve only for the Yankees). Any team that has never had a chance to be great. Let some other team (though not the Braves, for they are Satan's other hand) devour everyone else every year like Unicron. And you know what else? We wanna see the Yankees return to their 1980s form, when they couldn't hit, couldn't run, couldn't pitch, couldn't win, couldn't do anything but fuck up for a decade when Satan's dirty money wasn't coming in so fast and he could barely afford Don Mattingly. We want to see the Yankees be pitiful, pathetic, piss-poor, and the Rude Pundit wants to sit in an easy chair and pleasure himself while watching them lose again and again and again. Goddamn it will feel good, in a sticky, tantric sort of way.
The Rude Pundit is not interested in this World Series. We do not want to watch it. We don't need to watch history repeat itself like some old beat up record player trying to scratch its way through the same 78-speed bullshit record that won't die, that won't fall to pieces, won't disintegrate in front of everything that is right and pure, but instead lasts forever like records do, and keeps right on repeating.
The Rude Pundit won't be the ultra-positive (read: stupid) fan who keeps going back to the game as though it is not a sham, as though it is not rigged like a Don King fight, as though we still have a shred of our being that honestly believes that the game is not vile and corrupt and ruinous for an entire nation. It has devolved into a soulless, vacant-hearted, mind-raping bullshit game, and as long as there are Yankees, so it shall be.
But for just a little while, GO MARLINS. Beat the piss out of these spoiled, money-is-no-object ego-inflated pussies who think the playoffs are no big deal because they're in it every year and hell they know they're going to win in advance because the whole thing is rigged anyway, as just another mode of government-engineered "entertainment" to keep America from paying attention to how our government is anally violating us while we're drooling into our popcorn in glazed-over mediocrity.
Let the Marlins take this World Series not because they're good, but because they're someone else. Let the Marlins win because no team should have 30-some-odd world championships. Let the Marlins win because they are an incarnation of America when America was great -- when it was the underdog, slightly poorer, slightly humble -- not the cocky, bloated, aloof bullshit machine it is now.